Before I could have surgery, I had to get clearance from my cardiologist, pulmonologist, and OBGYN or general physician. My cardiologist sent me for a heart CT scan before he would give me clearance, but he did finally clear me. The pulmonologist gave me a breathing test & chest xray and put me on Advair, told me to loose weight, and said I shouldn't get the implants replaced nor have lipo, but he did clear me for surgery. Before I could make an appointment with my OBGYN, we got another foster placement, a 5 month old baby, and suddenly I was too busy for anything other than taking care of my four kids. Add this to the fact our insurance changed four or five times during the calendar year, and I just didn't go to the doctor until later on. But I did finally go for my yearly OBGYN exam and asked for a baseline mammogram, like the PS told me to do. Reasoning: if you have a mastectomy, they use your tummy skin for reconstructive surgery, so you need to rule out breast cancer before you have a tummy tuck. I do monthly breast exams and have never had a lump. My OBGYN does yearly breast exams and has never felt a lump. As an aside, I have implants under the muscle, so they aren't up there mingling with the breast tissue and potentially hiding a lump. Anyway, I was expecting a run-of-the-mill baseline mammogram. Only, it didn't turn out that way.
I Tweeted through my mammogram. I posted pictures of my titty stickers. I got a free umbrella! The lady kept asking me if I had a problem with my boobs other than the deflated implant. I kept repeating that I was there for a baseline mammogram, nothing to worry about. I thought her questioning was normal. I assumed everyone got asked those questions. The whole thing took just a few minutes. No big deal. No pain. Go get your mammograms people!
They said I would get a letter in the mail in a few days telling me the results. They said if there was any problem, that the letter would indicate it and my OBGYN would contact me. Well, life was busy and I didn't think about it too much and a week or two went by and my OBGYN's nurse called asking me if I had a copy of my follow up ultrasound results. Huh? What? I never did get a letter from the radiologist giving me the results of my mammogram, but the OBGYN's nurse said that her report indicated a need for a follow up ultrasound and she thought I already had it done. She said it was probably just the implant they were seeing. I figured as much, as well, because small town radiologist don't get to see deflated implants on mammograms every day, ya know. So I went for the follow up ultrasound and that lady didn't even know that I had a deflated implant floating around in there. So again, I figured it was no big deal, they probably just weren't used to seeing deflated implants, right?
My OBGYN's nurse called me to let me know that there was a lump and it was about 2 centimeters and that I needed to go see a general surgeon. She referred me to someone local.
I went to the radiologist and picked up my films / xrays. Behold - My Lady Lumps:
As I'm sitting in the waiting room of the general surgeon's office, I hear her say "Why would someone with that much breast tissue get implants?" Of course nobody in the waiting room knew she was talking about me, but it started the visit off in an odd way (just FYI, i was barely an A cup back in 1998 or 1999 when i got these things and i weighed less than 100 pounds plus i got the smallest implant possible with only 275cc's of saline - i didn't get breast tissue AKA fat until i was in my 30s). When I got called back, the nurse insisted that she knew me. She said that she thinks my husband pastored her church. It's okay, I'll wait for you to finish laughing. Right. We're agnostic leaning towards being atheist. No way in hell have we ever been a pastor at her fucking church. So then she went through other ways in which she might know me. Her daughter went to a different school than me. Do I know so and so and such and such, she asked. The whole time she stared at my chest and smirked. I felt as if she thought I were some exotic creature at the zoo. Or some exotic dancer with an awesome tit tassel routine. Whichever. Because I felt uncomfortable and inferior, I began talking in medical jargon and being rude. Both the nurse and the general surgeon kept asking if I was in the medical field. I didn't know how to take that. Was it a compliment? I still don't know. And I am ashamed to admit this, but I pointed out that the surgeon and I were the same age and then stated what I knew about her education and professional experience and asked why she moved to this area. The way I went about it was horrible. I shouldn't' have done it. I wanted to shut up as I was speaking, but I couldn't, rude shit just kept spewing from my mouth. But anyway, the general surgeon said she couldn't do a needle biopsy because my breast mass is too deep (it's solid so not a fluid-filled cyst but has smooth edges so not expected to be cancerous). She could put me under twilight sleep and use ultrasound and a big ass needle to attempt a biopsy, or she could just cut me open and cut the entire thing out, which is what she wanted to do.
I agreed to surgery and it was set for the following Friday. Only because of some things not in my control, I lost medical insurance and could no longer afford to have the surgery. I was also second guessing everything. Because she wanted to go through the nipple when I preferred a crease incision. Because she went on and on about how I should get the implants removed and not replaced. Because her nurse made me feel porntastic. Because they got irritated at me when I called with questions. Because they didn't believe me when I said that I no longer had insurance and needed to reschedule. And so I decided to find someone in a bigger city to get a second opinion, but I can't go until I have insurance again, which will hopefully be soon. So here I sit, with a 2cm mass in my right breast. I've had some pain, but I thought it was just from the implant shifting. Sometimes I can feel the implant fold over or slide kinda under my armpit area. And my lymph nodes under my right arm have been swelling up, but that could be because we're always sick with some germ or another. The general surgeon said she thinks my implants are causing it. They are saline implants. My body has long since reabsorbed the saline. Though who knows, maybe when they cut me open, it'll be all green and moldy up in there. That's totally my luck.
And so, I wait.
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