Also back in August ...

Well technically, back during the summer. Things have been ... busy? Hectic? Interesting? All of the above. Because of my repeated absences from the blog, I thought I might should do some explaining.

Guess I should start with the ongoing cleanup from the tornadoes. I still have trees down. There are root balls taller than me in my driveway and I have no idea what to do with them. Not that i have any time to go deal with it. My chainsaw is in need of some TLC anyway.

Insert some other stressful stuff. Bad news. Etc.

Then one of my fun bags decided it had had enough fun and pop went the weasel.

BabyBoy got sick but the doctor couldn't find anything wrong with him. Then he got sick again, still doctor couldn't find anything. 102 fevers and behaviors off in wakado land. And finally someone said something that reminded me of his hospitalization when we was an infant. Lightbulb moment. He had a UTI. Antibiotics cleared it up and he was less wakadoo (but still, most definitely wak a freaking do).

The central heat and air system had to be replaced. To the tune of $6764.00 .

The dryer broke. Had someone come out to fix it. More money.

Next day Sparkles the dog had her puppies.

Then I got sick.

Then I saw a man about fixin mah fun bag. Gonna be 'spensive and gotta have medical clearance from 3 other doctors first.

Went to the pulmanologist. Took a breathing test. Got put on asthma medication (advair). Hate it. Don't use it. Want a different kind.

Got a chest xray for pulmanologist. Insurance didn't pay.

Took 3 kids to pediatric dentist. So happy to have found one, even if we had to drive one hour to get there! They did great with oldest child but not so much with younger kids. My younger kids look normal but have special needs. Pediatric dentist = not so good with behavioral special needs. Stressful. Had to take oldest back later for tooth extraction (crowding - needs braces). More $$$ of course.

Then I went to the dentist and had 2 cavities. Ugh.

Next up, optometrist! Where $800 bought me two pairs of glasses neither of which fit correctly. I told the lady that I had to shop in the kid's section because my head is too small for adult sized glasses. She didn't believe me. So, when I bend over to pick up one of my kids, my glasses fall off and usually hits the kid in the head or face. Yippie. Not.

There were fun summer things like camping, zoo, museum, swimming, grilling out, Show Choir camp, sleepovers, drive inn movies, library reading programs, bouncy house birthday parties, etc. I turned 35 and my oldest kid turned 8.

But there was also cardiologist appointments and heart CT scans which even with a preauthorization letter, cost over two grand.

And then shit started tearing up on my van. Curiously the day I took it in for the last "free" maintenance and oil change on our car care plan, a gazillion things went wrong with it. So there was appointment after appointment at the Toyota Service Center, none of which went well. They said it was covered under warranty, then wouldn't give me a print out when I left, but sent me a bill in the mail for $600. Each time I was there for them to fix something, as I drove off something else literally fell off my van. I no longer have faith in Toyota's abilities. Period.

Meanwhile BabyBoy was having a seriously hard time staying regulated. Well, quite frankly, he was not safe. Finally at a well child appointment, the pediatrician took my concerns seriously when BabyBoy hauled off and hit the doctor completely unprovoked. We received a referral to a state testing facility. We are still waiting to hear back from them.

Simultaneously BabyGirl got a referral, only hers was supposed to be for Early Intervention. Later, after waiting months and months, I called to find out the pediatrician had fucked hers up. But anyway.

I was in an angry place. I confronted my kid's birth parents. About the alcohol and drugs. About the kid's issues because of them. I found it difficult to try and have a working relationship with my kid's birth parents because I was so mad at them for fucking the kids up. This wasn't something a bubble bath was going to cure. And I got mad at people who suggested so. I found that I was angry a lot, at everyone it seemed. I have one of the most open adoptions that I know of, yet I can not seem to get included in Open Adoption groups and websites to save my life. And that pisses me off. People who Tweeted and Blogged through the deathly tornadoes were the ones who had electricity and were safe, yet they got all kinds of accolades online for their helping efforts. You know, because of them, people who were without power and/or needed to notify relatives couldn't do so because the cell towers were jammed with completely safe and unaffected people Tweeting how scared they were down in their basement in their brick five thousand square foot house (ok, slight exaggeration - 2 to 4 thousand sq ft in reality). I was trying to reach someone in another state to have them notify Darwin in Afghanistan that we were okay and he didn't need to come home because I could handle all the repairs and clean up by myself (with family helping too) but I couldn't get through for a while because of all the unnecessary cell phone use.

Anger. So much anger. And sadness. And grief.

When we lost multiple people in the SF and SpecOps community, non-military people all over the internet starting posting about ways to help and donate, yet they were mostly all wrong. I didn't blog about it because I couldn't figure out a way to do it without being angry at these bloggers or seeming bitter/jealous. And because we're civilian now, I don't feel like I have authority to write about military things anymore. But because their blog post was relevant to something that was in the news at the time, these posts got popular fast. And none of them that I read were even military, or ex military (which probably explains why their information was so grossly inaccurate). When I caught myself feeling all judgmental and critical and shit, I knew I needed to take a step back from the internet for a while.

Afterall, these are just people trying to make money off their blogs - like me. They may be stay at home moms too, looking for a creative outlet or some interaction with other adults. Again, just like me. So it wasn't fair of me to be angry at them or to judge them. I had to remind myself that we all have things in common and the goal here is to connect not alienate. So, I chose not to blog until I could do so from a better place.

Back at home ... In a moment of I CANT TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS SHIT, I decided to detach and think about BabyBoy with my Child Development Hat on rather than my Mom Hat. That's when I made the decision to move his bedroom. It meant no longer getting to foster teenagers because we would no longer have an empty room for them, but in order to keep everyone safe, BabyBoy had to be in his own room. So I moved him. Gave him a bed, a dog house (clean, new, fresh out of the box), and very little toys. He also got two sets of blackout blinds to attempt to help him sleep through the night. Immediately we could see the difference in his behavior. He was sleeping more than he had in years which helped his disposition greatly. With him safely sleeping, we were finally able to safely sleep. Also, he was not overstimulated in the sparse room even though I got accused of "punishing" him by everyone who came over to the house. There were successes like BabyBoy actually peeing in the toilet! And he was staying in his room in the morning when he did wake up!

So for a while things were at peace again and it was lovely.

Then we got a call about a foster placement of a 5 month old baby. One that i never thought would happen, to be honest. There was a lot of thinking, negotiating, talking, deciding, etc going on and then she moved from her previous foster home to here. And every since then, even though I've wanted to blog, I have not had time to do so (but I Tweet from my phone - usually while sitting upon my throne - yay for TMI). Life is crazy busy solo parenting 4 kids, three of which are age 3 and under. All three kids are in diapers. Two kids on formula. I am loving the kids and loving the experience, but I am perpetually exhausted and behind on everything. The laundry is never done. The dinner dishes from last night are still in the sink when I go to cook dinner the next night. We are about 5 minutes late to every appointment or event we attend. I change shirts about 4 times per day because of being spit up or pooped on. Can't remember the last time I combed my hair. Seriously, I wash it and then put it up in a bun while I apply makeup. By then, a kid is needing me and before I know it, it's bedtime and I take down my hair and it is still wet from my shower. If I get to shower. Some days I don't. And it's as gross as it sounds. But I am so grateful to get to parent these wonderful kids. Love it!

Then before I knew it, there was soccer try outs and gymnastics sign ups and the first day of school.

There are also homevisits, ISP meetings, and court appearances for the new baby. Along with our annual renewal paperwork and homevisit and home inspection to remain as foster parents.

I took the kids to get their pictures taken. That was fun. If you like corralling cats.

We go to soccer practice two days a week, gymnastics one day per week, a soccer game on the weekends, and keep the SW updated weekly on the new baby since this is not a local placement. There is homework every night, and extra activities for GATE class, not to mention the 3+ books that have to be read each week, and I try to maintain the preschool education of the younger kids here at home. It's just flat out busy.

I think I forgot to mention the backed up septic tank. And the termite problem. And the mold problem. Yeah, more money. And then, we got fleas. Indoors. $600 worth of chemicals later and I surrendered and called pest control. $2080 later and they will come out regularly for a full year. The cat's shots and meds was something like $50 but the dogs, oh my, the dogs are very expensive mutts. A puppy acted odd and then died. Dead, stiff, stinky and bleeding out its bum on the front porch. Not pleasant. So when the kid's favorite puppy started acting the same way, I took them all to the vet. Parvo. $1200 later and they are all back home. Two older dogs are spayed. Younger pups are healthy again. Except for one who is knuckling his paw and has rubbed it raw to the bone. So he has to get a splint and maybe amputation if infection sets up. He is on a daily antibiotic and vitamin regime. I had to buy kennels for the 3 puppies to keep them contained until they were fully well. That was another $250. Not to mention being another daily task that I do not have time for (let them out to use bathroom, clean out kennel, put in food and water, chase them down to put back in kennel, try to keep them from barking and whining and disturbing the neighbors, etc and repeat 3 times per day).

To say that I am broke is an understatement.

To say that I am tired is a serious understatement.

But anyway, that should get you caught up. Now, I have several posts in draft mode that maybe I'll be able to finish one day. I started this back at breakfast time but then the day passed and I came back to blog during naptime but then only 1 kid slept so here I am trying to finish it up before going to pick oldest up from school. I haven't yet had a shower today. Your welcome. And I have to take puppy to vet and get groceries today so a shower would be nice. How have all of you been? I've got a lot of blog reading to do in order to catch up on everyone.