Things I Would Have Tweeted if I Had a Twitter Account, The Final Installment

The First Installment can be found here. These are actual text messages to real live human beings who have been kind enough to not block my number.

At ice house waiting on creepy guy who has gotten 8 garbage bags of ice already! What is he icing? A dead body or something? I'm not getting out of the van until he's gone.

Why do people wear makeup and girdles to the plastic surgeon? We're all here for the same thing bitchz. Gettin rid of the fugly, ten grand at a time.

Just asked BabyBoy who came to Bday party. He said sister and pawpaw. I asked what we ate. He said cigarettes. Hmm, I don't remember eating those. Maybe cupcakes?

This will be my last Things I Would Have Tweeted if I Had a Twitter Account post because I NOW HAVE A TWITTER ACCOUNT. Go check it out! Updating every time I drop the kids off at the pool.