Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The Cheerleader Gets a Tattoo
The Cheerleader turned 18 this month. She took her graduation and birthday money and got herself a tattoo. No job. No car. No way to pay for college. Sleeping at whoever's house she can get her way at. But good golly if she wasn't bubbling with excitement when she text'd me "I got a tattoo!!!!!" Priorities schmiorities.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Shalom, Motherfuckers!
"Have made concerted effort to stop saying everything I think. (Like when I ran into a fellow pit bull owner, I didn't remark, "This morning my bully Maisy barfed up paper towels and cat poop all over the carpet on the second floor!" And last week when I met the petite brunette with the dimples and big smile, I kept myself from exclaiming, "Oh, my God, you look just like Laci Peterson! Except not dead!" And I've almost completely quit saying, "Shalom, motherfucker!" as my standard greeting when I enter a room anymore. Progress, I say!)
That was the first time I laughed out loud, literally, while reading Bright Lights, Big Ass
by Jennifer Lancaster but it certainly wasn't the last (she she also says "Shalom, Bitches!" upon entering rooms, and her account of a "little brown starfish waving hello to God and everyone" while at a spa is equally as side-splitting funny). While Jen's complete lack of political correctness is often times off-putting, there is no doubt she is fucking hilarious. And OMG, I'm in love with her potty mouth. Apparently she has also written Such a Pretty Fat
, Bitter is the New Black
, Pretty in Plaid
, and My Fair Lazy
though not necessarily in that order. Perfect reading material while your kids play with tar balls at the beach. Or while they are peeing in the pool. Or if you don't have kids, enjoy reading Bright Lights, Big Ass during a flight to some tropical paradise wherein you get to relax in a hammock while a scantily clad individual fans you with giant palm leaves and serves endless fruity drinks. Hmm, that actually sounds desirable.Thursday, June 24, 2010
Measuring Success as a Parent
The Daughter brought home a stack of papers at the end of the school year and this was amongst them. Kind of a delayed Mother's Day present, huh. Then I read #7 "I love my Mom because she taught me how to get stuff by myself." And I immediately thought Wow! I have succeeded in parenting her (to this point - I'll probably mess up from here on out). At the ripe old age of 6, she has learned the importance of independence.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Formula Broke
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Census Calling, AGAIN
So I've filled out, like, 3 or 4 census forms now and yet tonight as I'm doing dishes and directing children to brush teeth to get ready for bed, guess who called the house? Yep, a census worker. This time they were just wanting to clarify that the information I gave them is in fact correct, and that they aren't counting us too many times or missing someone in our house. The guy asked me several times if I was sure that nobody else lived here. After telling him no, I decided to start having fun.
Is there anyone else living in your home?
Well, there are those kids I keep locked in the dungeon under the house. And those trolls that live under the tile in the driveway. Oh, and a whole village of fairies out in the mushroom patch in the yard.
The guy paused for a minute, as if he was trying to figure out if I was serious or not.
Were you residing at this address as of April 1st?
I ran away to join the circus. That's what I tell the kids when they call for me even though I'm standing in the same room. Does that count?
Umm, not unless you were traveling with the circus as of April 1st.
I thought he realized I was joking, but then he asked "Ma'am were you residing at this address as of April 1st?"
Who else do you think was taking care of the kids?
Then he apologized for having to ask the questions in this manner, and said he has to follow the script. So I cut him some slack and just answered his questions. For like the 4th or 5th time. He promised it would be the absolute LAST time that I would have to answer any census questions for another 10 years. It better be.
Is there anyone else living in your home?
Well, there are those kids I keep locked in the dungeon under the house. And those trolls that live under the tile in the driveway. Oh, and a whole village of fairies out in the mushroom patch in the yard.
The guy paused for a minute, as if he was trying to figure out if I was serious or not.
Were you residing at this address as of April 1st?
I ran away to join the circus. That's what I tell the kids when they call for me even though I'm standing in the same room. Does that count?
Umm, not unless you were traveling with the circus as of April 1st.
I thought he realized I was joking, but then he asked "Ma'am were you residing at this address as of April 1st?"
Who else do you think was taking care of the kids?
Then he apologized for having to ask the questions in this manner, and said he has to follow the script. So I cut him some slack and just answered his questions. For like the 4th or 5th time. He promised it would be the absolute LAST time that I would have to answer any census questions for another 10 years. It better be.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
My eye is twitching, and other daily happenings
If my eye is twitching, you know my stress level is such that you probably shouldn't you know, look at me wrong, for fear my eye might permanently stick in some sort of tourette-like motion indefinitely.
It all started when I got fed up with foster parent association stuff. The president delegating stuff to me. The secretary not doing her job, or refusing to do it the way we have outlined in the bylaws. I'm just the VP. I'm supposed to schedule speakers and order food and show up, that's it. When the president said we, by that he means me, should spend our holiday at a festival recruiting foster parents, I told him no. Well, I think I said "Hell no. There is no fucking way I'm doing that shit." I guess I could have said "I demurely decline your generous offer but will be happy to pass the idea on to CPS." And when the secretary effed up yet another thing, I may have replied via mostly all caps and told her just what she did wrong. And then she quit. But not really. She quit in the same way that some people do when they leave a message board. You know the ones. They post a big farewell message and then come back every day for the next two weeks before finally posting a big F U message ... and come back the next day. She quit like that. Meaning, she came to the meeting and took minutes and acted like nothing ever happened.
Or maybe it all started back when we had that meeting with CPS and they ignored our concerns, denied any wrong doing, demonstrated their complete lack of knowledge of and appreciation for their foster parents. I have that whole conversation on a constant play loop in my mind, and hearing Stink on Shit 1 and Stink on Shit 2's voice over and over and over is probably why my eye won't stop twitching. Come to think of it, it was during that meeting when my eyelid initially began rapidly moving out of my control. Yep, it's their fault.
It doesn't help that Jenny is so sensitive that she cries every time I tell her to turn the light off when she leaves her room. Seriously. The other day I told her for like the gazillionth time to wash her hands before she touches food and she started crying saying "I'm so sorry. I try to remember. Please don't be mad at me." Waaaaahhhaaaa. The kids looked at her like she'd flipped her wig. Then she needs a hug. And not just any hug, a long hug where she curls up in my lap. Yes, her 15 year old self crawls up in my lap like a baby and cries while hugging me. I mean she literally sits in my lap. Jenny, you can't wear that outfit to church. Your black bra is showing through your white v-neck tank top and your panties are visible when you sit in your cut off bluejean skirt. And then she cries. Waaahhhaaaa. So I took all her inappropriate clothing away, because after telling her what she couldn't wear outside the home, and showing her what was appropriate, and giving her outfit choices for the day, she still came out looking like a trailer park prostitute. I make her go change before we leave the house almost every day. She cries when I won't let her wear 15 bracelets, 10 rings, and a banana clip in her hair. CRIES. I'm only trying to protect her. When she goes to school in the fall, if she doesn't learn to dress differently, those high school kids will eat her alive.
We are also working on some food issues with her. At least she eats, so that's good, but she either won't eat a decent dinner but then wants snacks immediately after or she will eat her dinner while I'm making the other kid's plates and then she will go for seconds and thirds which leaves me with no food and often times leaves the other kids with no food. She just doesn't think about other people. I know some of that is because she is the baby in her family and they have let her go first and take as much as she wants, and they give her everything she wants, not making her do anything because she is the youngest. They pet her and baby her and cater to her every whim. When I don't do the same, she says "I don't feel loved here. This is so hard. Why can't I live somewhere where I can be loved." Whaaahhhhaa They tell her she is so beautiful and perfect and therefore she hasn't tried to accomplish anything else. She sings but not well enough to be famous, but that is her only life goal - to be a famous singer. She was tested (IQ, PsychEval, etc) this past week but I haven't been given the results yet, not sure if they will ever give me the results, but Jenny acts like a stoner. Yes, they all smoked pot before CPS involvement, but she is all laid back and smiles and is slow to get things but then when she does she goes "riiight. haha." Maybe her body is stuck in stoner munchy mode.
And I went 64 days without a visit from Aunt Flo so when my blood pressure went up and my sugar was high and my face was puffy and my lips looked like I had been stung by a bee, I kind of suspected maybe toxemia, but wasn't sure. I mean, I gained 20 pounds in less than two months and suddenly my glasses weren't strong enough and I'm getting up 5 or 6 times per night to pee (wow - I sound like an old lady). It's notoriously hard to get an appointment with my OBGYN unless you are knocked up, and well this town is full of breeders. He, my OBGYN, jokes that people have nothing better to do during the colder months than to knock boots, so he delivers lots of babies in the summer. Almost seven years ago he came into my hospital room on a Sunday wearing a lobster shirt to check on me while waiting for two other women to deliver. I had a c-section a few days prior but had this little problem with my blood count and some other stuff. Anyway I also noticed that my skin was very dry, especially my lips, they cracked and bled whenever I smiled. Normally I'm an oil factory. And normally I grow hair like a chia pet on miracle grow, but suddenly I was going weeks without shaving and you couldn't even tell. I have PCOS and some other stuff and blah blah blah potential for cancer maybe surgery with hormone replacement blah blah blah.
Solo parenting for a year while Darwin is overseas playing in the litter box is going okay, mostly. Except for when its not. The kids do great for a while and then have a day or two where they just miss him so much. I made the mistake of moving Darwin's car around in front of the house so I could wash it, and BabyBoy kept saying "Dada home work?!?!" It broke my heart. The Daughter does better now than she did the other times he went away, but there are days when she wants her dad. Like last week when a new horse threw her off and she hit the ground head first. Okay, maybe I wanted him that day because I was pulling into the drive as the horse threw her off and it was TRAUMATIC. And like clockwork, things tend to break when he deploys, this time the light in BabyBoy's room and the fan in my bedroom and the dishwasher and the trampoline net and the lawnmower tire and the driveway and the pool pump have all gone kaput. Sometimes it would be nice to have him here to take one of the kids to whatever activity while I take the others to whatever other activity so that I don't have to juggle so much.
Take for example a recent day when I had a meeting to run at 6 and The Daughter had gymnastics at 6 so my dad was going to take her except at 4:30 my sister decided she needed to go to the hospital (mental illness doesn't adhere to a schedule) but my dad didn't remember the CSU had been shut down so after realizing there was no psych ward he called for backup but mom was at work so she called me ... and I ended up being about 5 minutes late to my meeting and the speaker didn't show up and Jenny was crying because of something I said and BabyBoy didn't want to let go of me so I could go into the meeting and BabyGirl pooped her pants and I didn't want to hand her over to the childcare workers like that for fear CPS would think I never changed her diaper ... and as soon as I got going in the meeting I had to stop and leave to go get The Daughter from gymnastics and bring her back with me and then try to catch up on what I missed at the meeting. If Darwin was here, he could have taken her to gymnastics and that would have helped. Or he could have taken her to the doctor any of the three times over the past two weeks that she has been sick. Or maybe he could just listen to me complain.
Did I mention that the birth parents are at it again? They have no recollection of our previous talk about waiting for 6 months of stability, of boundaries, etc. They also deny having given BabyGirl soda at the last visit. But what they really wanted to let me know is that birth mom finally got her engagement ring. They ain't got a house or a car or food to eat, but they got some bling.
Hey, my eye stopped twitching. Maybe I just needed to vent it all out.
It all started when I got fed up with foster parent association stuff. The president delegating stuff to me. The secretary not doing her job, or refusing to do it the way we have outlined in the bylaws. I'm just the VP. I'm supposed to schedule speakers and order food and show up, that's it. When the president said we, by that he means me, should spend our holiday at a festival recruiting foster parents, I told him no. Well, I think I said "Hell no. There is no fucking way I'm doing that shit." I guess I could have said "I demurely decline your generous offer but will be happy to pass the idea on to CPS." And when the secretary effed up yet another thing, I may have replied via mostly all caps and told her just what she did wrong. And then she quit. But not really. She quit in the same way that some people do when they leave a message board. You know the ones. They post a big farewell message and then come back every day for the next two weeks before finally posting a big F U message ... and come back the next day. She quit like that. Meaning, she came to the meeting and took minutes and acted like nothing ever happened.
Or maybe it all started back when we had that meeting with CPS and they ignored our concerns, denied any wrong doing, demonstrated their complete lack of knowledge of and appreciation for their foster parents. I have that whole conversation on a constant play loop in my mind, and hearing Stink on Shit 1 and Stink on Shit 2's voice over and over and over is probably why my eye won't stop twitching. Come to think of it, it was during that meeting when my eyelid initially began rapidly moving out of my control. Yep, it's their fault.
It doesn't help that Jenny is so sensitive that she cries every time I tell her to turn the light off when she leaves her room. Seriously. The other day I told her for like the gazillionth time to wash her hands before she touches food and she started crying saying "I'm so sorry. I try to remember. Please don't be mad at me." Waaaaahhhaaaa. The kids looked at her like she'd flipped her wig. Then she needs a hug. And not just any hug, a long hug where she curls up in my lap. Yes, her 15 year old self crawls up in my lap like a baby and cries while hugging me. I mean she literally sits in my lap. Jenny, you can't wear that outfit to church. Your black bra is showing through your white v-neck tank top and your panties are visible when you sit in your cut off bluejean skirt. And then she cries. Waaahhhaaaa. So I took all her inappropriate clothing away, because after telling her what she couldn't wear outside the home, and showing her what was appropriate, and giving her outfit choices for the day, she still came out looking like a trailer park prostitute. I make her go change before we leave the house almost every day. She cries when I won't let her wear 15 bracelets, 10 rings, and a banana clip in her hair. CRIES. I'm only trying to protect her. When she goes to school in the fall, if she doesn't learn to dress differently, those high school kids will eat her alive.
We are also working on some food issues with her. At least she eats, so that's good, but she either won't eat a decent dinner but then wants snacks immediately after or she will eat her dinner while I'm making the other kid's plates and then she will go for seconds and thirds which leaves me with no food and often times leaves the other kids with no food. She just doesn't think about other people. I know some of that is because she is the baby in her family and they have let her go first and take as much as she wants, and they give her everything she wants, not making her do anything because she is the youngest. They pet her and baby her and cater to her every whim. When I don't do the same, she says "I don't feel loved here. This is so hard. Why can't I live somewhere where I can be loved." Whaaahhhhaa They tell her she is so beautiful and perfect and therefore she hasn't tried to accomplish anything else. She sings but not well enough to be famous, but that is her only life goal - to be a famous singer. She was tested (IQ, PsychEval, etc) this past week but I haven't been given the results yet, not sure if they will ever give me the results, but Jenny acts like a stoner. Yes, they all smoked pot before CPS involvement, but she is all laid back and smiles and is slow to get things but then when she does she goes "riiight. haha." Maybe her body is stuck in stoner munchy mode.
And I went 64 days without a visit from Aunt Flo so when my blood pressure went up and my sugar was high and my face was puffy and my lips looked like I had been stung by a bee, I kind of suspected maybe toxemia, but wasn't sure. I mean, I gained 20 pounds in less than two months and suddenly my glasses weren't strong enough and I'm getting up 5 or 6 times per night to pee (wow - I sound like an old lady). It's notoriously hard to get an appointment with my OBGYN unless you are knocked up, and well this town is full of breeders. He, my OBGYN, jokes that people have nothing better to do during the colder months than to knock boots, so he delivers lots of babies in the summer. Almost seven years ago he came into my hospital room on a Sunday wearing a lobster shirt to check on me while waiting for two other women to deliver. I had a c-section a few days prior but had this little problem with my blood count and some other stuff. Anyway I also noticed that my skin was very dry, especially my lips, they cracked and bled whenever I smiled. Normally I'm an oil factory. And normally I grow hair like a chia pet on miracle grow, but suddenly I was going weeks without shaving and you couldn't even tell. I have PCOS and some other stuff and blah blah blah potential for cancer maybe surgery with hormone replacement blah blah blah.
Solo parenting for a year while Darwin is overseas playing in the litter box is going okay, mostly. Except for when its not. The kids do great for a while and then have a day or two where they just miss him so much. I made the mistake of moving Darwin's car around in front of the house so I could wash it, and BabyBoy kept saying "Dada home work?!?!" It broke my heart. The Daughter does better now than she did the other times he went away, but there are days when she wants her dad. Like last week when a new horse threw her off and she hit the ground head first. Okay, maybe I wanted him that day because I was pulling into the drive as the horse threw her off and it was TRAUMATIC. And like clockwork, things tend to break when he deploys, this time the light in BabyBoy's room and the fan in my bedroom and the dishwasher and the trampoline net and the lawnmower tire and the driveway and the pool pump have all gone kaput. Sometimes it would be nice to have him here to take one of the kids to whatever activity while I take the others to whatever other activity so that I don't have to juggle so much.
Take for example a recent day when I had a meeting to run at 6 and The Daughter had gymnastics at 6 so my dad was going to take her except at 4:30 my sister decided she needed to go to the hospital (mental illness doesn't adhere to a schedule) but my dad didn't remember the CSU had been shut down so after realizing there was no psych ward he called for backup but mom was at work so she called me ... and I ended up being about 5 minutes late to my meeting and the speaker didn't show up and Jenny was crying because of something I said and BabyBoy didn't want to let go of me so I could go into the meeting and BabyGirl pooped her pants and I didn't want to hand her over to the childcare workers like that for fear CPS would think I never changed her diaper ... and as soon as I got going in the meeting I had to stop and leave to go get The Daughter from gymnastics and bring her back with me and then try to catch up on what I missed at the meeting. If Darwin was here, he could have taken her to gymnastics and that would have helped. Or he could have taken her to the doctor any of the three times over the past two weeks that she has been sick. Or maybe he could just listen to me complain.
Did I mention that the birth parents are at it again? They have no recollection of our previous talk about waiting for 6 months of stability, of boundaries, etc. They also deny having given BabyGirl soda at the last visit. But what they really wanted to let me know is that birth mom finally got her engagement ring. They ain't got a house or a car or food to eat, but they got some bling.
Hey, my eye stopped twitching. Maybe I just needed to vent it all out.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Summer Plans
Apparently, The Daughter plans to watch a lot of TV. And do a lot of push ups? How adorable is that list!
In case you can't understand her spelling (bless her little heart, she spells like her momma) it says:
- clean room
- clean up
- play a game with Jenny
- play with toys
- watch some TV
- do pushups
- lay down on the couch
- watch TV
- clean up the mess
- watch TV
- do pushups
- walk around the house
- play with toys
- watch TV
- play a game
- watch TV
- clean up
- have something to eat
- watch TV
- do pushups
- play with toys
- watch TV
- have something to eat
- clean up
- do pushups
- watch TV
- do pushups
- watch TV
This week is packed with regular activities like gymnastics x 2 kids at separate locations in different cities, singing lessons, doctor and dentist appointments, a MRI, 3 parental visits, foster parent association meeting, horse riding lessons, therapy, school enrollment, etc. but next week begins our summer fun stuff. We are going camping with out of state family who will be on the lake for two weeks. I just like to ride in the boat and grill out. I could live without having to walk to the toilet and sleep on the ground. We will take day trips to the zoo, aquarium, museum, and historical locations. I have promised a trip to see dinosaurs. And of course we will try and squeeze in a week at the beach. I'll have a birthday in July and then The Daughter will turn 7 in August. Before you know it, school will be back in session.
What fun things do you have planned for this summer?
Friday, June 11, 2010
Jen Knee
Jenny has stopped honeymooning, which just means she has finally relaxed enough to act more like a typical teenager (pushing limits, slacking on chores, staying on the phone too long and too late, sneaking and manipulating) instead of trying to be perfect all the time. I caught her sweeping the dirt down the air vent in the bathroom the other day. I have no idea if she has been doing that the whole two months she has lived here, or if it is a new thing. For the most part though, she is a good kid. She is doing gymnastics and singing lessons plus we participate in the library summer reading program, movie theater summer program, and she has therapy once per week and visits with her mom three times per week. Add this in with the other kid's activities and my foster parent association stuff and we are super busy.
I stopped supervising the visits because it was 5 hours of my time spent wrangling 3 fussy sleepy hungry kids while trying to give Jenny and her mom the space to talk and be together privately. I think it made CPS mad that I quit supervising because I did it for free while they have to pay a transportation worker to go pick them up and supervise the visit now, but oh well. Five hours each time for three days a week was just too much for the younger kids to sit through.
After several visits in a row were canceled, we clandestinely went to Jenny's moms house. I was able to encourage her to keep pestering her court appointed attorney to file for an earlier court date. In the past, foster kids have gone home faster when the birth parent hired their own lawyer, but Jenny's mom can't afford that so this was the only other route I could think of to tell her to pursue. I knew nobody else would tell her that it was her right to request an attorney, but I also hated to see her be represented by one of the court appointed ones because they are also the GALs for foster kids which means they are friendly with CPS. Still, if she didn't have any representation, things wouldn't be going as fast as they are, so I'm glad I advised her in this regard. She is doing well. She has housing, a part time job, and been clean on every single drug test. I still think this case needed in-home services but I do realize the three year history of CPS involvement with Jenny's mom running and I understand how that would make a SW decide against it.
When I first heard that history, I made judgments, but as I get to know Jenny's mom better, I see that she just didn't understand and she was afraid, so she ran. As a foster parent, I am used to hearing the SW speak, and I think SWs assume BPs understand, but often times the education level is low or whatever and the comprehension just isn't what is needed to follow and fully understand what is being required of you. Rarely do I see a worker (here locally - don't know about other places) give the BPs information in writing and lets face it, when you are stressed or upset, you don't retain all the stuff bombarding you.
Anyway, because Jenny's mom called every single day (a necessity, unfortunately) to the lawyer, to the SW, to the SWs supervisor, the court date got moved up from August to a recent date. While Jenny didn't get to go home, the judge did set another court date in a few weeks and if mom is still doing well, she will go home at that time. She also signed up for foodstamps, state insurance, section 8 housing (it will be cheaper than where she is living now which will free up enough money to buy a car), etc.
Jenny very much wants to be back home and I am glad she will be able to have that very soon. The two girls before her, Layla and Chelsea, won't ever get to go home because their mother doesn't want them anymore. They have a long hard road ahead of them still. The only thing I felt like I helped them with was giving them luggage, clothing, and toiletries. With Jenny, I have paid for her soccer and other activities that start in the fall (including school supplies and clothes), so that her mom won't have to worry about that. She'll just have to get Jenny to the activities but won't have the costs associated with them.
This is what I mean by doing small things with love and making a difference. I can't fix CPS. I can't make them leave the kids who aren't in serious danger in the home. I can't solely make politicians change policy regarding CPS. I can't make child abuse or neglect stop. I can't end poverty. I can't make all foster parents be good people. But, I can do the right thing. I can help the birth parents if at all possible. I can do things to enrich the child's life while in foster care. Small things matter.
I stopped supervising the visits because it was 5 hours of my time spent wrangling 3 fussy sleepy hungry kids while trying to give Jenny and her mom the space to talk and be together privately. I think it made CPS mad that I quit supervising because I did it for free while they have to pay a transportation worker to go pick them up and supervise the visit now, but oh well. Five hours each time for three days a week was just too much for the younger kids to sit through.
After several visits in a row were canceled, we clandestinely went to Jenny's moms house. I was able to encourage her to keep pestering her court appointed attorney to file for an earlier court date. In the past, foster kids have gone home faster when the birth parent hired their own lawyer, but Jenny's mom can't afford that so this was the only other route I could think of to tell her to pursue. I knew nobody else would tell her that it was her right to request an attorney, but I also hated to see her be represented by one of the court appointed ones because they are also the GALs for foster kids which means they are friendly with CPS. Still, if she didn't have any representation, things wouldn't be going as fast as they are, so I'm glad I advised her in this regard. She is doing well. She has housing, a part time job, and been clean on every single drug test. I still think this case needed in-home services but I do realize the three year history of CPS involvement with Jenny's mom running and I understand how that would make a SW decide against it.
When I first heard that history, I made judgments, but as I get to know Jenny's mom better, I see that she just didn't understand and she was afraid, so she ran. As a foster parent, I am used to hearing the SW speak, and I think SWs assume BPs understand, but often times the education level is low or whatever and the comprehension just isn't what is needed to follow and fully understand what is being required of you. Rarely do I see a worker (here locally - don't know about other places) give the BPs information in writing and lets face it, when you are stressed or upset, you don't retain all the stuff bombarding you.
Anyway, because Jenny's mom called every single day (a necessity, unfortunately) to the lawyer, to the SW, to the SWs supervisor, the court date got moved up from August to a recent date. While Jenny didn't get to go home, the judge did set another court date in a few weeks and if mom is still doing well, she will go home at that time. She also signed up for foodstamps, state insurance, section 8 housing (it will be cheaper than where she is living now which will free up enough money to buy a car), etc.
Jenny very much wants to be back home and I am glad she will be able to have that very soon. The two girls before her, Layla and Chelsea, won't ever get to go home because their mother doesn't want them anymore. They have a long hard road ahead of them still. The only thing I felt like I helped them with was giving them luggage, clothing, and toiletries. With Jenny, I have paid for her soccer and other activities that start in the fall (including school supplies and clothes), so that her mom won't have to worry about that. She'll just have to get Jenny to the activities but won't have the costs associated with them.
This is what I mean by doing small things with love and making a difference. I can't fix CPS. I can't make them leave the kids who aren't in serious danger in the home. I can't solely make politicians change policy regarding CPS. I can't make child abuse or neglect stop. I can't end poverty. I can't make all foster parents be good people. But, I can do the right thing. I can help the birth parents if at all possible. I can do things to enrich the child's life while in foster care. Small things matter.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Small Things with Great Love
Just when I was feeling very down and questioning my path, I read something that seemed to be speaking directly to me. I clicked from Ali's comments over to a blog called The Livesay [Haiti} Weblog and read this:
And suddenly I am reminded of why I do this. Of why it is important to persevere through the BS, the politics, the CPS redtape. For the kids. Because for each small thing I do, with great love, I am making a difference in the life of a child*.
*If the child is already in foster care, please remember I didn't put the kid there, then I do have the opportunity to make a difference in that child's life. This may mean helping the kid get rid of lice or it may mean taking the kid to Disney. This may mean helping the kid get caught up in school or it may mean sneaking behind CPS's back to have unauthorized parental visits. This may mean getting the kid enrolled in much needed services or it may mean coaching the birth parent through the CPS crap so that they can get their kid back sooner. These are all examples of things I do that make a difference. Maybe it is a very small thing, but it does matter.
"Staying focused on doing small things with great love is the singular way to remain sane."
And suddenly I am reminded of why I do this. Of why it is important to persevere through the BS, the politics, the CPS redtape. For the kids. Because for each small thing I do, with great love, I am making a difference in the life of a child*.
*If the child is already in foster care, please remember I didn't put the kid there, then I do have the opportunity to make a difference in that child's life. This may mean helping the kid get rid of lice or it may mean taking the kid to Disney. This may mean helping the kid get caught up in school or it may mean sneaking behind CPS's back to have unauthorized parental visits. This may mean getting the kid enrolled in much needed services or it may mean coaching the birth parent through the CPS crap so that they can get their kid back sooner. These are all examples of things I do that make a difference. Maybe it is a very small thing, but it does matter.
Friday, June 4, 2010
What I should have said
I feel like I am not making a difference.
I want to make a difference but the CPS system is more corrupt than I ever imagined.
I have no idea how to really change it.
I am incredibly appreciative of the children that I do have.
I validate the experiences of birth parents and children in foster care.
I want to make a difference but the CPS system is more corrupt than I ever imagined.
I have no idea how to really change it.
I am incredibly appreciative of the children that I do have.
I validate the experiences of birth parents and children in foster care.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Head Against Wall
I am almost ready to throw in the towel. To give up. To quit. To say FUCK YOU and GO TO HELL.
*disclaimer - I jump between present tense and past tense in this post, sorry. Obviously grammar eludes me.
For 3 years I have felt as though I have been fighting against CPS. First I had to prove that I was worthy to take care of kids. I had to tell them every single detail about my childhood, my relationships, my education, my marriage, and even how many times per week I have sex. There were finger prints and background checks and list after list of references. They came into our home and checked every nook and cranny, then wrote up the report incorrectly. According to our homestudy, our tanning bed is actually a babybed. Not that I have been able to read it because CPS refuses to let us see our own records. They didn't want to give us younger kids and had one excuse after another. First I was in college so they wouldn't give us younger kids. Then they wanted stay at home moms, so I chose not to work. Then they claimed that they didn't know we wanted younger kids. When they couldn't find any other reason, they finally gave us a baby on a short term basis, overnight only (two years later we adopted him but only after CPS almost moved him to a family they preferred to adopt him).
It feels like a battle, just like infertility. Which of course CPS doesn't want infertile couples fostering babies because they think we can't remain detached enough to follow the case plan of reunification. And admittedly, some foster parents can't, but punishing us after our own bodies have punished us is just ridiculous. I am all for reunification. One of my strengths they have listed for me (also a weakness they have listed for me) is my ability to seemingly remain detached. When it benefits them, they use this against me saying I am cold hearted and don't show affection to my children therefore they aren't bonded to me. When they need to place a teenager, they use this as a strength saying I won't take their actions personally and will work to reunify or follow ILP stuff without trying to restrict parental visitation. The truth is that my kids and I are bonded and I do show affection, lots actually, but I don't do it for show in front of social workers.
And then we weren't given any children for a whole year (after getting BabyBoy). Around the 12 month mark I got way more vocal asking why we weren't getting any calls when there were obviously lots of pick ups. I mean CPS acts like they have no foster homes. They are mass producing foster parents via GPS classes every three months all while closing down experienced foster homes, but they aren't using all of the homes they do have. They like to leave the home empty but not officially close it, thereby avoiding confrontation and potential legal action. They gave excuse after excuse for not calling us that whole year. Everything from mandatory time required after receiving a newborn (when I asked for this in writing, they retracted the statement) to claiming we requested to be removed from their calling list for a while (total bullshit).
All this time I am working with the foster parent organization trying to learn the ropes and hoping that if I stay involved that CPS will continue allowing us to foster. I even try to dampen my personality but fail miserably. We take the kids from disruptions. We take kids that nobody else on the entire foster parent list would take and we pretend we aren't offended when they tell us we are a last resort. We continue to jump through hoops, fill out paperwork, have lots of homevisits and reviews, and answer intrusive questions. Meanwhile I am working my butt off cleaning the resource center only to have it taken over by someone else with more connections to CPS. I work foodbank lifting hundreds of pounds of food and supplies while others sit and watch and then I listen to criticism as others show up just in time to take the stuff home. I was on the board of directors only no one seemed to notice me. When the foster parent association VP quit, I was nominated by the board to fill the VP position, and all hell broke loose at the next several general association meetings. They felt I was too young, to inexperienced, to quite, to pro-CPS, to liberal, to democrat, to whatever that they detested so much. But mainly they thought I was just a pawn placed by the former president and the current president to do their dirty work and vote however they told me to. Even after I pointed out that I was already on the board, already voting on matters, the complaining didn't stop. Which is why I didn't say anything when I felt like they were in fact using me sometimes. Like when there was a speaking engagement that they didn't want to attend, I had to go. It was after all the Vice President's duty (note the sarcasm). They would make decisions and then inform me after the fact. When I did speak up and went against the grain, they ignored me. I felt as though nobody was really on my side. There are the foster parents that don't know who I am, still don't, and there are the ones who dislike me being in office, and there are those who are my friend but still gossip and betray my confidence. There are the birth parents that hate me because they think I am a CPS employee. There are birth parents who hate me because I am parenting their children and they are not. Even when I help the birth parents in ways that most people wouldn't, the BPs still hate me. The foster kids do too, because I'm not their parent but I act like one making them follow rules and other stupid stuff like that. And then there is CPS, the God-Like organization that decides the fate of so many children and families without any sort of checks and balances. Oh, and don't forget my online haters. Or the people IRL who think all foster parents make mega bucks. It is like a big hate fest with it all directed towards me. Sometimes it feels a little overwhelming.
This past election I wanted to run for secretary. I wanted to participate but at a level that wasn't so hands-on, that wasn't so stressful. But then a very pro-CPS, very religious, very well liked person stated she wanted the position. I knew I couldn't win against her. I knew that I had to be involved as I had promised the CPS Director in a you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours kind of way. Then, Gossiping Trouble Maker stated she was running for VP, and we all knew the organization would go to shit if she won, so it was kind of understood that I would run against her as VP to prevent her from taking over. I campaigned like nobody's business and I won by a landslide. Only 6 people voted for her. Herself, her friend, her classmate from high school and his wife, and then the guy and his wife that so adamantly spoke out against me before. That was it.
I hit the ground running, but quickly realized my worst fear about the new president. He likes to delegate. To me. Everything. Mainly because he doesn't know anything about our association and what all it entails, but also some other stuff that is equally as irritating. And also, the new secretary is in CPS's pocket. She ran because they told her to. Not the director, he is cool, but the witches in charge, the people who ruin lives, they placed her in our association as a mole.
Fast forward to our meeting with CPS. We provided a luncheon and presented all CPS workers with certificates of appreciation. Then we met with the witches and the director and talked business. It went great until the director had to leave for another meeting, then the witches (and really, this is not a good term for them because i like witches and Wicca so maybe they should be called Stink on Shit because that more accurately depicts them) and it got tense. I was practically yelling. My shoulders were up around my ears and my eye started twitching. If either of those women were to catch fire while standing in front of me, I wouldn't even make the effort to piss on them to put out the fire. Douse them with gasoline? Absolutely. Stop Drop and Roll would turn into Douse Run and Die.
Yes, I'm going to hell for saying that. Karma will come back to bite me in the ass. Yadda yadda yadda. Oh fucking well.
We will call them Stink on Shit 1 and Stink on Shit 2. Number 1 and 2 are BFF and both make all the decisions at our county CPS. In our meeting they announced who was to replace someone that just left CPS for a better job, and when they said the new SW's name I winced. The director said "See this is what I was talking about. The look on her face says it all." Meaning he is not in favor of this person being promoted but #1 said "Oh well". It only got worse after the director left. Numbers 1 & 2 talked about how foster parents shouldn't even get a board payment. They said being a social worker is a hard job (as if foster parents have it easier?). They said they think after a foster parent adopts, that they shouldn't be allowed to foster anymore. They implied some of us are mistreating the kids, misusing the board payment, etc. When I pointed out that CPS canceled our foster parent appreciation dinner, and they didn't even send out letters of thanks like in previous years, they didn't seem concerned. Then we began talking about 72 hour ISPs not being done for months. Workers not doing homevisits, ever. Workers spreading gossip. Not being notified of court. No longer be reimbursed for mileage, etc. They wanted names. They wanted us to give them names of every person who did anything wrong (foster parents and SWs alike), and then they refused to believe that a particular worker does not do homevisits. It is only one SW that doesn't do them. She flat out refuses. But they didn't believe us. I guess when SWs fudge the paperwork, the boss thinks it is legit, while the foster parent is too afraid to speak up due to retaliation (things 1 & 2 also denied any allegations of previous retaliation). It got ugly.
They tried to get me to agree to start and run an adoption only support group. When I refused they said "Well, we will readdress this at a later time." Which just confirmed to me that they plan on not allowing me to foster. We have moles of our own. We are told things that they say, that they deny of course. And then in a classic example of how disconnected they are from actual foster parents, they adamantly claimed that Foster Parent Known as Gossiping Troublemaker was no longer a foster parent. When we pointed out that she has a child and is about to adopt her, got her at birth, and has an adoption worker, Thing 1 said "No. She doesn't have a child from our county." To which we replied "Yes, she does. So and So is her worker." Thing 1 still said "No. She is not a foster parent and she does NOT have any of our children in her home." I mean really? Could you be any more arrogant. I have never wanted to punch someone so bad. I realized that Thing 1 thought we were talking about the former association president who also has the same first name as the Trouble Maker and who is no longer fostering out of protest of the poor decisions CPS is making lately. Thing 1 doesn't know her foster parents. She doesn't care about us and she doesn't know us.
Several hours of this went by before CPS ended the meeting abruptly and before we were finished covering our bullet points. Then they gushed over the new president and how awesome he is by just being a man. They think he is in charge, that he is doing all this work, and that he shits gold bricks. But so far, he has delegated every single action to me. I no longer even consult him, I just do it. The meeting was scheduled by me. I brought the food. I made the certificates. I printed our talking points. I called to remind the other officers to be at the meeting, and two of the three had forgotten about it. I bought new locks for the resource center. I meet people up there for them to go through the clothes. I contact businesses for donations. I go pick them up. I do the paperwork. I tell the secretary when she is supposed to write the newsletter. I remind her again. And again. And then I write it myself and send it out. I get speakers for the meetings. I buy the food and drinks for that. I keep up with who is at the meetings. And so far I have been running the regular meetings which means preparing what to say ahead of time and making print outs for that as well. All this without pay as it is a volunteer position. And without thanks, which I can live with, but it pisses me off when the credit is given to others and I am seen as incapable and easily replaceable.
Well, I am about to the point where they can replace me and see how that works out for them. I wanted a large family. I wanted to adopt sibling groups. I still do. But I didn't sign up to be treated like this.
*disclaimer - I jump between present tense and past tense in this post, sorry. Obviously grammar eludes me.
For 3 years I have felt as though I have been fighting against CPS. First I had to prove that I was worthy to take care of kids. I had to tell them every single detail about my childhood, my relationships, my education, my marriage, and even how many times per week I have sex. There were finger prints and background checks and list after list of references. They came into our home and checked every nook and cranny, then wrote up the report incorrectly. According to our homestudy, our tanning bed is actually a babybed. Not that I have been able to read it because CPS refuses to let us see our own records. They didn't want to give us younger kids and had one excuse after another. First I was in college so they wouldn't give us younger kids. Then they wanted stay at home moms, so I chose not to work. Then they claimed that they didn't know we wanted younger kids. When they couldn't find any other reason, they finally gave us a baby on a short term basis, overnight only (two years later we adopted him but only after CPS almost moved him to a family they preferred to adopt him).
It feels like a battle, just like infertility. Which of course CPS doesn't want infertile couples fostering babies because they think we can't remain detached enough to follow the case plan of reunification. And admittedly, some foster parents can't, but punishing us after our own bodies have punished us is just ridiculous. I am all for reunification. One of my strengths they have listed for me (also a weakness they have listed for me) is my ability to seemingly remain detached. When it benefits them, they use this against me saying I am cold hearted and don't show affection to my children therefore they aren't bonded to me. When they need to place a teenager, they use this as a strength saying I won't take their actions personally and will work to reunify or follow ILP stuff without trying to restrict parental visitation. The truth is that my kids and I are bonded and I do show affection, lots actually, but I don't do it for show in front of social workers.
And then we weren't given any children for a whole year (after getting BabyBoy). Around the 12 month mark I got way more vocal asking why we weren't getting any calls when there were obviously lots of pick ups. I mean CPS acts like they have no foster homes. They are mass producing foster parents via GPS classes every three months all while closing down experienced foster homes, but they aren't using all of the homes they do have. They like to leave the home empty but not officially close it, thereby avoiding confrontation and potential legal action. They gave excuse after excuse for not calling us that whole year. Everything from mandatory time required after receiving a newborn (when I asked for this in writing, they retracted the statement) to claiming we requested to be removed from their calling list for a while (total bullshit).
All this time I am working with the foster parent organization trying to learn the ropes and hoping that if I stay involved that CPS will continue allowing us to foster. I even try to dampen my personality but fail miserably. We take the kids from disruptions. We take kids that nobody else on the entire foster parent list would take and we pretend we aren't offended when they tell us we are a last resort. We continue to jump through hoops, fill out paperwork, have lots of homevisits and reviews, and answer intrusive questions. Meanwhile I am working my butt off cleaning the resource center only to have it taken over by someone else with more connections to CPS. I work foodbank lifting hundreds of pounds of food and supplies while others sit and watch and then I listen to criticism as others show up just in time to take the stuff home. I was on the board of directors only no one seemed to notice me. When the foster parent association VP quit, I was nominated by the board to fill the VP position, and all hell broke loose at the next several general association meetings. They felt I was too young, to inexperienced, to quite, to pro-CPS, to liberal, to democrat, to whatever that they detested so much. But mainly they thought I was just a pawn placed by the former president and the current president to do their dirty work and vote however they told me to. Even after I pointed out that I was already on the board, already voting on matters, the complaining didn't stop. Which is why I didn't say anything when I felt like they were in fact using me sometimes. Like when there was a speaking engagement that they didn't want to attend, I had to go. It was after all the Vice President's duty (note the sarcasm). They would make decisions and then inform me after the fact. When I did speak up and went against the grain, they ignored me. I felt as though nobody was really on my side. There are the foster parents that don't know who I am, still don't, and there are the ones who dislike me being in office, and there are those who are my friend but still gossip and betray my confidence. There are the birth parents that hate me because they think I am a CPS employee. There are birth parents who hate me because I am parenting their children and they are not. Even when I help the birth parents in ways that most people wouldn't, the BPs still hate me. The foster kids do too, because I'm not their parent but I act like one making them follow rules and other stupid stuff like that. And then there is CPS, the God-Like organization that decides the fate of so many children and families without any sort of checks and balances. Oh, and don't forget my online haters. Or the people IRL who think all foster parents make mega bucks. It is like a big hate fest with it all directed towards me. Sometimes it feels a little overwhelming.
This past election I wanted to run for secretary. I wanted to participate but at a level that wasn't so hands-on, that wasn't so stressful. But then a very pro-CPS, very religious, very well liked person stated she wanted the position. I knew I couldn't win against her. I knew that I had to be involved as I had promised the CPS Director in a you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours kind of way. Then, Gossiping Trouble Maker stated she was running for VP, and we all knew the organization would go to shit if she won, so it was kind of understood that I would run against her as VP to prevent her from taking over. I campaigned like nobody's business and I won by a landslide. Only 6 people voted for her. Herself, her friend, her classmate from high school and his wife, and then the guy and his wife that so adamantly spoke out against me before. That was it.
I hit the ground running, but quickly realized my worst fear about the new president. He likes to delegate. To me. Everything. Mainly because he doesn't know anything about our association and what all it entails, but also some other stuff that is equally as irritating. And also, the new secretary is in CPS's pocket. She ran because they told her to. Not the director, he is cool, but the witches in charge, the people who ruin lives, they placed her in our association as a mole.
Fast forward to our meeting with CPS. We provided a luncheon and presented all CPS workers with certificates of appreciation. Then we met with the witches and the director and talked business. It went great until the director had to leave for another meeting, then the witches (and really, this is not a good term for them because i like witches and Wicca so maybe they should be called Stink on Shit because that more accurately depicts them) and it got tense. I was practically yelling. My shoulders were up around my ears and my eye started twitching. If either of those women were to catch fire while standing in front of me, I wouldn't even make the effort to piss on them to put out the fire. Douse them with gasoline? Absolutely. Stop Drop and Roll would turn into Douse Run and Die.
Yes, I'm going to hell for saying that. Karma will come back to bite me in the ass. Yadda yadda yadda. Oh fucking well.
We will call them Stink on Shit 1 and Stink on Shit 2. Number 1 and 2 are BFF and both make all the decisions at our county CPS. In our meeting they announced who was to replace someone that just left CPS for a better job, and when they said the new SW's name I winced. The director said "See this is what I was talking about. The look on her face says it all." Meaning he is not in favor of this person being promoted but #1 said "Oh well". It only got worse after the director left. Numbers 1 & 2 talked about how foster parents shouldn't even get a board payment. They said being a social worker is a hard job (as if foster parents have it easier?). They said they think after a foster parent adopts, that they shouldn't be allowed to foster anymore. They implied some of us are mistreating the kids, misusing the board payment, etc. When I pointed out that CPS canceled our foster parent appreciation dinner, and they didn't even send out letters of thanks like in previous years, they didn't seem concerned. Then we began talking about 72 hour ISPs not being done for months. Workers not doing homevisits, ever. Workers spreading gossip. Not being notified of court. No longer be reimbursed for mileage, etc. They wanted names. They wanted us to give them names of every person who did anything wrong (foster parents and SWs alike), and then they refused to believe that a particular worker does not do homevisits. It is only one SW that doesn't do them. She flat out refuses. But they didn't believe us. I guess when SWs fudge the paperwork, the boss thinks it is legit, while the foster parent is too afraid to speak up due to retaliation (things 1 & 2 also denied any allegations of previous retaliation). It got ugly.
They tried to get me to agree to start and run an adoption only support group. When I refused they said "Well, we will readdress this at a later time." Which just confirmed to me that they plan on not allowing me to foster. We have moles of our own. We are told things that they say, that they deny of course. And then in a classic example of how disconnected they are from actual foster parents, they adamantly claimed that Foster Parent Known as Gossiping Troublemaker was no longer a foster parent. When we pointed out that she has a child and is about to adopt her, got her at birth, and has an adoption worker, Thing 1 said "No. She doesn't have a child from our county." To which we replied "Yes, she does. So and So is her worker." Thing 1 still said "No. She is not a foster parent and she does NOT have any of our children in her home." I mean really? Could you be any more arrogant. I have never wanted to punch someone so bad. I realized that Thing 1 thought we were talking about the former association president who also has the same first name as the Trouble Maker and who is no longer fostering out of protest of the poor decisions CPS is making lately. Thing 1 doesn't know her foster parents. She doesn't care about us and she doesn't know us.
Several hours of this went by before CPS ended the meeting abruptly and before we were finished covering our bullet points. Then they gushed over the new president and how awesome he is by just being a man. They think he is in charge, that he is doing all this work, and that he shits gold bricks. But so far, he has delegated every single action to me. I no longer even consult him, I just do it. The meeting was scheduled by me. I brought the food. I made the certificates. I printed our talking points. I called to remind the other officers to be at the meeting, and two of the three had forgotten about it. I bought new locks for the resource center. I meet people up there for them to go through the clothes. I contact businesses for donations. I go pick them up. I do the paperwork. I tell the secretary when she is supposed to write the newsletter. I remind her again. And again. And then I write it myself and send it out. I get speakers for the meetings. I buy the food and drinks for that. I keep up with who is at the meetings. And so far I have been running the regular meetings which means preparing what to say ahead of time and making print outs for that as well. All this without pay as it is a volunteer position. And without thanks, which I can live with, but it pisses me off when the credit is given to others and I am seen as incapable and easily replaceable.
Well, I am about to the point where they can replace me and see how that works out for them. I wanted a large family. I wanted to adopt sibling groups. I still do. But I didn't sign up to be treated like this.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The birth parent saga continues
Remember this? Well, shortly after the visit was over I began getting text from them. Typically this is when BirthDad starts being mean and threatening. Instead this time they were being nice. They complimented me on my parenting skills, they thanked me for the visit, and they just couldn't say enough positive things about the kids. I started to feel guilty about deciding to not continue visits, but snapped out of it when a friend mentioned this was another way they were manipulating. She was right.
Four days later, and using someone else's phone, BirthMom sends a text "I really need ur help. I don't have the gas 2 make it 2 work in morning. Fixing to start walkin. Can u help me with some gas money?" Then with another phone she calls and calls and calls leaving messages of her crying and begging for money.
Nothing for 16 days. Oh, gloriously silent sixteen days.
Then, BirthMom has her phone back on so the text start up again. "In BigCity now he was in bad carwreck night for last so when can we find time for visit?" Note the typical attempt at manipulation.
The next day, BirthDad takes a go at the texting. "BirthMom at work and im fixing to go to work she wanted to know when a good time would be for a visit with the kids and do they need anything" Notice this is his 3rd or 4th job he has claimed to have within just a month or two, that isn't stability. But remember he got fired from one job for going to jail for burning down the trailer park in a meth making accident, and another job or two never actually panned out, so now he is on to this one supposedly.
Next day "Hey im off tomorrow and BirthMom gets off at 11 anyway we can see the kids"
And it goes on and on and on until they start threatening me and leaving angry voicemail. It is as if they don't remember the conversation we had about how I was unhappy with the way the last visit went. About how they have to be stable for at least 6 months. About how I will send pictures to the last known address I have for them, but I won't answer 5 phone calls a day from them nor will I do visits as they demand. That whole talk about boundaries and comfort level and what is in the best interest of the children ... they ignored it all, apparently.
Four days later, and using someone else's phone, BirthMom sends a text "I really need ur help. I don't have the gas 2 make it 2 work in morning. Fixing to start walkin. Can u help me with some gas money?" Then with another phone she calls and calls and calls leaving messages of her crying and begging for money.
Nothing for 16 days. Oh, gloriously silent sixteen days.
Then, BirthMom has her phone back on so the text start up again. "In BigCity now he was in bad carwreck night for last so when can we find time for visit?" Note the typical attempt at manipulation.
The next day, BirthDad takes a go at the texting. "BirthMom at work and im fixing to go to work she wanted to know when a good time would be for a visit with the kids and do they need anything" Notice this is his 3rd or 4th job he has claimed to have within just a month or two, that isn't stability. But remember he got fired from one job for going to jail for burning down the trailer park in a meth making accident, and another job or two never actually panned out, so now he is on to this one supposedly.
Next day "Hey im off tomorrow and BirthMom gets off at 11 anyway we can see the kids"
And it goes on and on and on until they start threatening me and leaving angry voicemail. It is as if they don't remember the conversation we had about how I was unhappy with the way the last visit went. About how they have to be stable for at least 6 months. About how I will send pictures to the last known address I have for them, but I won't answer 5 phone calls a day from them nor will I do visits as they demand. That whole talk about boundaries and comfort level and what is in the best interest of the children ... they ignored it all, apparently.
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