Help pick a name for #12

The new girl may be going home to her mother in just a few short weeks, but meanwhile she needs an internet name. Here are the options: Destiny or Jenny. She looks like a not-yet-developed Jaime Priessly. Loves to sing and does so quite well. She aspires to audition at American Idol next year when she is old enough. She is polite, well mannered, does her chores and follows the rules. A little slow to catch on, but eager to learn. She prefers to socialize a la trailer park living and has a southern drawl though its a different dialect than I have. For example she says warsh clothes instead of wash clothes. Hawaii is Hawaya. We're supposed to meet her worker next week and finally have an ISP meeting. Perhaps then we can find out what the case plan entails and get something going with her education. Typical CPS logic - they remove her from her mom due to truancy, place her in foster care, and don't enroll her in school. Classic.

Southern Storms

We've been eating food from the garden already. There's nothing better than sweet strawberries warm from the day's sun. The onions, lettuce, and tomatoes are also ready. And the consistently 80 degree weather has had some people swimming already. But I've yet to open the pool, though it is high on my to-do list.


One of the reasons I love living here is because we have mountains, lakes, and beaches all in the same state. We can snow ski on the little mole hills, swim in the ocean, go boating and fishing at the lake, and hike in both state and national parks. We have wetlands, dinosaur remains, and a rich Native American heritage. People wave at one another driving down the road, say hello to everyone, and when you order tea you know it's going to be sweet.

But we have mean storms. Destructive forces of nature that scares the shit out of us all but for some reason we still don't build basements with every house. Many people live in trailers, and not just in parks. Three thousand people are still without power. We are lucky in that we live on the edge of two cities, we get water from one and electricity from the other. The one that supplies our power evaded the storm, the one that supplies the water just got hit with an F3 tornado. Winds up to 140 miles per hour. The tornado was 3/4ths of a mile wide. Thirty+ people hurt, a few critically, but no deaths so far.

The first storm blew through and missed us, then I put the kids to bed. I knew there was another storm coming but the TV station went back to regular programing because the county in which the storm was currently in, isn't in their viewing area. By the time they were back on the air, we had already lost power and it was too late to go to my sister's storm shelter. She has one of those bubbles in the ground that feels very coffin like but actually prevents death rather than preserve it. So I woke the kids and put them in the hallway, flashlights in hand, bike helmets on, blankeys wrapped around them, kneeling in a protective position. I may or may not have prayed, I'll never tell. We were lucky. It didn't hit here. Instead it hit a mile or two away wiping out the historic district. It tossed trailers around like dustbunnies running from the vacuum cleaner. It turned well built houses into a pile of kindling the size of match sticks. It damaged the gas station, bank, church, car wash, schools, grocery store, and many businesses. Tornadoes do not discriminate.

So schools out this week. Next week the kids'll hop a bus to attend classes in local churches. How's that for separation of church and state. Ahh, who'm I kidding? This is the south. The police station just got power back today. The radio station has been broadcasting via the use of a generator. There's a curfew because once the sun goes down, it's pitch black out. Except for tonight. Full moon. And 30 something degrees. Yep, cold front caused the twister. May loose the whole damn garden and have to replant.

*I took the pic of the strawberries, but the others are swiped from the local TV station's viewer submitted photos.

Apparently it's just not meant for me to be Highly Effective

Apologizes to Sean Covey, but I just can't get through these books. I checked them out of the library months ago, seriously in December 2009, and every day or so I try and read some of each book but it is pure torture. I'm referring to The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. It's just all the jargon really. I loathe books that do that, that take information that can be conveyed in 5 pages and draw it out into 350 by inserting cutesy or nonsense jargon a la that Venus Mars Bullshit Book. For example we should start our day with the "Daily Private Victory" and something about "Circle of Influence" and "Abundance Mentality" and "The Upwards Spiral". Every time I would come back to reading the book and see something about "PC" I wouldn't know what that stood for. Politically Correct? Penis Cups? People Connections? I don't know!

Then the one about families was even worse. It's a compilation of jargon and quotes from other people. I think it would be fun to go through the book and count how many words are original thoughts of the author versus how many are quotes.

I know lots and lots of people love these books. I know the author is hugely successful. I know I'm being a Restraining Force in the whole Force Field Analysis thing with all my negativity. I'm sorry. Apparently, it's just not meant for me to be Highly Effective.

Placement Numero Doce (12)

New girl, just turned 15 last month. No internet name yet. Just got her a couple of hours ago. Mom ran with her a while back and they found them today. She is supposed to be in the 9th grade but the last time she was in school it was 6th grade, so she is behind. A lot. Seems nice, a tad clingy, smokes pot, never been in care before, misses her mom. Dad died two years ago. Seems other relatives also have CPS involvement. Older sister just had a baby on Sunday and has CPS involvement via hospital staff. SW didn't tell me that though, so I'll ask later. New girl has asthma, likes pizza, corn, and Dr Pepper, dislikes bologna and mustard. Says she likes to sing, play basketball, and cheer though she's never done any of them at a school. SW thinks local school won't take her this close to end of school year. She's not old enough to work at most places. I need her to go somewhere at least part of the day.

The House Blogger

Did anyone catch that episode of House about the Blogger? The girl started blogging in order to have a sense of community and connection but her boyfriend argued that it had become a performance for an audience that has too much control. He felt that she shouldn't share their intimate moments and personal conversations with the internet. Because of her readers, the blogger became a vegetarian, or her version thereof, and it seemed as thought she couldn't make a decision in her life without knowing what Fred in Alaska or WhatsHerFace in Singapore thought about it. She had connected with people in her computer more than those in her real life everyday tangible life. Her argument was that she must share everything, be transparent, or else it was all a lie. Of course in the episode of House, the key to her diagnosis and ultimate survival, was the one thing she didn't blog about - her poop.

Many bloggers contemplate what to share. What topics violate social norms and which topics risk alienating family and friends (or grossing out readers). Blogging anonymously helps to protect all of that, somewhat. Nobody knows who the story is about so its less embarrassing or less hurtful. Until someone IRL connects the blog dots and realizes the blogger's identity.

I debate whether or not to post pictures. One the one hand it helps people to relate, to see we are real people, and obviously it'd be selfish of me to keep the kid's cuteness all to myself. By sharing the photos, though, it speeds up the process of IRL people connecting the dots and realizing that you've been complaining talking about them.

So why blog? Why not just write all this in a diary with a key and no prying eyes?

I don't know. I like the connection, just like the blogger from the House episode. I love when I "meet" another rural blogger, another southern feminist, another agnostic living in the bible belt, another foster parent who has dealt with a flawed system, an adoptive parent who tries to keep in touch with birth parents, a SAHM who uses her education in a non-paying capacity and still has no answer for "So what do you do?", a person who aspires to have a large family on mediocre means. And of course I thought writing about the foster care system might help zero in on specific problem areas enough that we could work together to find and implement solutions. To enact change. To hopefully make people just coming into the idea of fostering and/or adopting from the foster system to see the reality, to remove those rose tinted glasses long enough to see that this too can happen to you, to anyone. But when no longer fostering or adopting, I'll just be writing about my own kids and their daily lives and won't necessarily have to be anonymous for that.

That's what I'm struggling with right now. It looks like I've got about another year left of this fostering gig so I was thinking about starting a more professional-like blog. One where I'm open about my identity and actually use spell check. You know the sort. The bloggers who go to conferences and have giveaways and do reviews and actually make money writing. The kind who get a book deal like in the movie Julie and Julia. I want to grow up to be just like them. But like that blogger from House, how do you keep from feeling like a monkey in a cage at the zoo doing cutesy things to have spectators throw peanuts your way? How do you distinguish what snippet of your life is considered blog worthy and what is considered sharing too much information?

Maybe, just maybe, it's that TMI that saves your life. Or gives life to your internet personality.

We all know I have no aversion to mentions of excrement and other bodily fluids. Boundaries, what boundaries? I'm able to speak freely about the foster care system because of anonymity. I discuss every detail of every case which would typically violate all kinds of confidentiality rules. And I tell you all about the skeletons in my family's closet. How can an anonymous blogger then attend a conference? How can she market herself professionally without giving her real name?

How I feel as of late

pneumonia

We have it. Or rather two out of the four of us have it. The Daughter is missing school. Again. Also her eye issue is back with a vengeance. BabyBoy has diarrhea (explosive, like out the diaper up the back in the hair on the furniture kind of crap). There are fevers and fatigue and endless coughing fits. BabyGirl is in the clear so far. I'm going to take a nap now.

Step 1 of The Driveway Project is complete

Two more areas need proper drainage, then on to the big finale - paving. Anyone got an extra 10k to spare?

Blessed with Beautiful Brats

BabyGirl has been going through a growth spurt, eating 8oz bottles back to back and waking up every couple of hours all night long. Not like I'm sleeping anyway. I recently wrote Darwin "I've not been able to sleep well at night since you left. I feel scared and on edge. As soon as the sun comes up, I crash. It is illogical (or is it irrational - i'm too tired to tell), I know, I'm trying to overcome the fear." I have a weapon in every room of the house. There are four locks on the front door, three on the back, and so many security lights it looks like an airport runway. Yet I can't sleep. At least she has finally grown out of newborn clothing and into 0-3 months. BabyGirl is almost 4 months old. Here she is in our awesome Jeep stroller that we've had for 6 years and it still rocks.



I like this next shot because I can pretend they are locked away in kiddie jail and I'm sitting on a warm beach sipping some fruity drink with not a care in the world. Instead of the reality which includes being told "You ruined my Easter!", "I want to kick you!", and the most heart wrenching "I don't want you. I want my Daddy!". Just go ahead and punch me in the gut. It would hurt less, I assure you.



Sorry about the boob shot. I was trying to take BabyGirl's photo with one hand while using one leg to restrain BabyBoy.



Good gosh BabyBoy gives me a run for my money. He ran from me on the train and almost got to the end car but thankfully the conductor stopped him. He punched me in the eye (BabyBoy, not the conductor). In the split second it took me to reach into the diaper bag to get a bottle for BabyGirl, Babyboy ran out of the play area with toys in hand. Staff caught him and brought him back. He went right up to an older Grandparent-like couple and climbed into the man's lap. I had to carry BabyGirl in the sling and put BabyBoy in the stroller because the piece of shit double stroller that we just spent mega bucks on, broke before ever being used. The wheel fell off!



Thank gosh they are cute. Even if the 6 year old is practicing her teenager angsty look (she was mad at me because I wouldn't buy her an overpriced balloon after buying her an overpriced funnel cake and slushy).

Wordless Wednesday: Petunias on the Porch

Happy Easter

Hunting eggs on Saturday at my uncle's house.

And again today at our house.

Glittery fun.

Update - No Hospital Trip

We didn't have to go to the hospital afterall. Turns out my dad could get The Daughter to drink the nasty electrolyte solution. With some Grandparent love and lots of fluids and rest, she is on the mend. Thank goodness.

The weather is beautiful and I'm outside working my butt off. Or rather my muffin top cause I ain't got no butt, but I've got a couple loaves of bread and a spare tire to drop.

Someone was recently asking about adoption assistance so I'm going to quickly address that before I head out to shop for the Easter Bunny. Getting adoption assistance (in this state - every state differs) is not a given for children that are adopted through foster care. If they are special needs, a sibling group of 3 or more, African American over age 2, or any race over age 8, then they can get assistance in the form of a monthly payment plus the medical coverage remains intact ("can" being the operative word, some counties won't mention this in hopes that you don't know about it and won't ask for it). If you adopt a healthy white infant, you get nothing. If you adopt a healthy white 6 year old, you get nothing. If you adopt a healthy Hispanic 7 year old, you get nothing. If you adopt a healthy Asian 5 year old, you get nothing. This is another one of those assumptions that people make about foster parents. When we foster, we aren't doing it for the $14 per day. When we adopt a former foster child, we aren't getting paid anything because they are now our child/ren forever and we care for them as such.

Not too many years ago, foster parents were not allowed to adopt the children they had fostered. Thankfully that has changed and now foster parents are given first consideration for the children they fostered if TPR has occurred and the children are ready to be adopted. That doesn't mean CPS will let you, but by law they have to at least give the appearance of first considering the foster parent as an adoptive parent before looking for another placement.

We got zero subsidy deffered with BabyBoy because of his family history. We had to fight tooth and nail to get this, and it isn't even money. All it says is that his family history indicates BabyBoy is at risk of developing issues later on. If he does develop issues later on, we have to send proof to the state and ask to be reassesed to see if he would qualify for montly assistance. They can still turn us down. Also, he got to keep his Medicaide but only as secondary insurance. They will not pay until after our private insurance has paid their part. The state also reimbursed the lawyer fee's up to $1000.00 but it takes about six months for them to do this, so the lawyer either has to be patient or you have to pay the lawyer and let the state reimburse you. We are very grateful to have this zero subsidy for BabyBoy. There is all kinds of small print saying that if we move, we loose the zero deffered. If one of us dies but the other parent lives, we loose the zero deffered. If we divorce, we loose the zero deffered. But still, we have it for now and it did pay for the lawyer fees for BabyBoy's adoption, so that was nice.

The Cheerleader Graduates Soon

Childhood frienemy called today. The Cheerleader's Grandma is kicking her out upon graduating high school. She is supposed to go to college, and has chosen a local community college to be near her boyfriend (child frienemy's oldest son). The Cheerleader has told CF (childhood frienemy - gets tiring typing that out each time) that she isn't allowed to live in the dorms her first year at college (*cough* bullshit *cough*). The Cheerleader wants to move in with CF! Because she thinks CF is the coolest mom evar. She calls her "mom". She didn't call me mom and I held her hair when she puked. Yeah, jealously sucks the big one. So CF is considering buying a log cabin type outbuilding and letting The Cheerleader pay rent to live in it. You know with all the money CF makes doing ... oh yeah, she doesn't work. Or have transportation. And she hasn't filled out her freaking FAFSA yet. Graduation is next month!