The Daughter has been sick since Friday. Last night, Tuesday night I think, hell the days are running together, was the last time she threw up. She has gone to the potty 3 times today, so at least that is a good thing, but it was with diarrhea. She finally ate a hotdog for lunch, she has not been eating much (like a bite of a sandwich per day tops). She finally drank a couple sips of Gatorade and half a can of soda. But, her eyes are red. She can't walk by herself. She doesn't smile or laugh, no matter how silly I act trying to make her feel better. And so, it is time to go into the hospital for an IV. Tomorrow. She is scared. I am scared.
Darwin finally called from the litter box or the land of sand or great big hell hole, whatever you want to call that place where we are still at war but people seem to have forgotten about. His sponsor has not gotten his CAC shit done, still. He is working 12 hour shifts and the people don't go to the mess hall and don't share their food in the office either, so he hasn't been eating. And he seems to have some of the more extreme side effects of the smallpox vaccine. But of course, in true Darwin fashion, he refuses to complain or ask questions so instead he is feeling like shit and having a rough ass time.
And we are now paying $1300.00 a month for medical and dental insurance. That's without life, disability, and vision. And it only pays 80%. Lets just say that that amount is more than half our normal monthly budget.
We wanted to repair our driveway months ago when he had the time and the funds, but the neighbor wasn't on board at that time (our drives connect and ours can't properly drain without going through his down to his pond). Now he has decided not only is he on board but he wants it done now. Like yesterday now. And so he took off work and has been working on it all day. I had to order Chert $160 a truck load, tile $226 for 20 ft, pay for backhoe fuel $50, and then of course figure out how much to compensate the neighbor for doing all this work ($200 maybe?). The problem is Darwin left his old company and went to another and so we have like no money until he gets paid month after next. And also the neighbor cut down all my mature trees which provided shade and privacy and were planted by my deceased Momaw. It makes me sad to see it looking all pathetic and deforested.
I'm pretty sure if The Daughter misses another day of school, they'll come lock me up. But I can't help that she is so damn sick all the time. I'm thinking of changing pediatricians. They aren't taking me seriously when I tell them her immune system is compromised or some shit. She is sick enough to go to the doctor at least twice a month. Lately it has been twice a week. That's not including the colds and viruses and vomiting and shits that I don't take her to the doc for. Find out what is wrong with my baby or I will start mauling pediatricians in that office like a pissed off mama bear.
BabyGirl is 3+ months and slowly gaining weight but still very small. She can't hold her head up without it wobbling like a newborn. She's still in newborn clothing. She has started drooling though which doesn't surprise me as BabyBoy started teething early.
BabyBoy is two wearing size 3T. I alternately want to beat him and eat him up. He's the cutest boy ever but goodness gracious is he sneaky/stubborn/defiant/mean/trantrumy.
I have either a kidney infection or kidney stones. I don't have time to go to the doctor and find out.
My Dad had a rough mental health day today. I am afraid he is on a slippery slope towards my sister's way.
Mom is stressed and smoking too much. I keep telling her to quit or else she'll die of lung cancer and leave me to deal with corralling the crazy. Sometimes I think that makes her smoke more so she can hurry up the process.
I often wonder what it would have been like to be born into a family that wasn't touched by The Crazy. I guess I'll never know.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
You say tomato, I say tomato
That sound you hear is the satisfying scratching of another item off the To Do List. Onions, potatoes, red cabbage, romaine lettuce, iceberg lettuce, bell peppers, green beans, strawberries, honeydew melon, and watermelon. Still lack okra and squash but plan on raiding family's corn crop this year instead of attempting to grow my own. Next up, wildflowers & sunflowers.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
And they're gone
Chelsea and Layla went into court today where it was revealed that Mom's boyfriend has a history of sexually abusing minors. So Layla did not get to go home. She attempted to run. They caught her.
Mom's current husband has been being intimate with Chelsea. He moved out three weeks ago when Chelsea told him that Mom was cheating on him with new boyfriend. Layla has been living with him since he moved out. Remember how Chelsea was begging to go live with him? Sexual abuse is so prominent in these kids lives that they don't know it is wrong.
Chelsea spends lots of time next door at Grandma's "rubbing her aches" away because she is "old" (when did 50 become old?). Reporting that to the SW made me sick at my stomach. How many generations does this go back?
The girls are now in a place where they can get the treatment they so desperately need. I made care packages for them both. This is the saddest case that I've personally had to deal with. I hope they are able to heal and learn healthy ways of living. I hope they are able to break the cycle.
Mom's current husband has been being intimate with Chelsea. He moved out three weeks ago when Chelsea told him that Mom was cheating on him with new boyfriend. Layla has been living with him since he moved out. Remember how Chelsea was begging to go live with him? Sexual abuse is so prominent in these kids lives that they don't know it is wrong.
Chelsea spends lots of time next door at Grandma's "rubbing her aches" away because she is "old" (when did 50 become old?). Reporting that to the SW made me sick at my stomach. How many generations does this go back?
The girls are now in a place where they can get the treatment they so desperately need. I made care packages for them both. This is the saddest case that I've personally had to deal with. I hope they are able to heal and learn healthy ways of living. I hope they are able to break the cycle.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Placement Numero Once (that's eleven in Spanish)
Yep, Chelsea's sister Layla joined us today. Just for overnight. No, seriously. I will not bring her home from the 72 hour hearing tomorrow. Will. NOT.
When they called me about her they said she would be going home tomorrow. When they brought her out to the house they said "we'll bring you a voucher after court tomorrow". Umm, no you want. Like, HELL NO.
Chelsea has refused to bathe. Four days without a bath. She was rank. She has refused to eat more than one meal per day. She weighs something like 85 pounds. Chelsea is 14, turns 15 next month. She is only in the 7th grade. She will be in foster care until she graduates. That is at least 5 years. FIVE YEARS.
Layla is emaciated. Barely 70 pounds soaking wet. And that's mostly from the knee length hair. She is 16. Layla comes across more like a 12 year old. Maybe younger. Her sexual abuse was done at an early age and she doesn't cut herself like Chelsea does. She also doesn't have a boyfriend like Chelsea does. And she seems to be more polite.
Chelsea refused to leave court today. They had to threaten to call a deputy to place her into my vehicle. I figured she'd try to run. She packed her new bags with her new clothes and took them to court with her. She clung to the chair and refused to speak or look at anyone, even the judge and GAL. And BTW, her GAL is new and she totally rocks. She actually meets with the kids on her case load!
Had to take TheDaughter to the doctor so was very frustrated with the whole court thing. Sat at court for hours on end today while my baby puked for the fourth day in a row (kids were at my parents). She is dehydrated. Very sick. Very, very sick. Darwin hasn't contacted us since he left stateside. Hope he made it safely. Nobody's knocked at the door yet, so guess no news is good news.
Chelsea & Layla's mom has issues. Lots. Chelsea's dad failed drug test. Layla's dad in prison. Brother in detention still. Don't know where his dad is. Whole family is unmedicated bipolar. Mom admits to drinking and doing drugs while pregnant with all three kids.
Sunday night Chelsea decided to speak. I thought she was chatting with the kids while watching TV. Whenever I would walk into the room she would jump and straighten her clothes. I think she may have been masturbating. I told her to go to bed.
The SW said they are going to get Chelsea into an excellent program for kids. She has so many issues. She really needs good quality medical care. This is supposed to happen tomorrow.
Kind of aggravated that they keep withholding or misleading info which ends up giving me kids that I can't handle comfortably and/or aren't a good fit for our home.
Tomorrow I'm coming home without any foster kids. Come hell or high water.
When they called me about her they said she would be going home tomorrow. When they brought her out to the house they said "we'll bring you a voucher after court tomorrow". Umm, no you want. Like, HELL NO.
Chelsea has refused to bathe. Four days without a bath. She was rank. She has refused to eat more than one meal per day. She weighs something like 85 pounds. Chelsea is 14, turns 15 next month. She is only in the 7th grade. She will be in foster care until she graduates. That is at least 5 years. FIVE YEARS.
Layla is emaciated. Barely 70 pounds soaking wet. And that's mostly from the knee length hair. She is 16. Layla comes across more like a 12 year old. Maybe younger. Her sexual abuse was done at an early age and she doesn't cut herself like Chelsea does. She also doesn't have a boyfriend like Chelsea does. And she seems to be more polite.
Chelsea refused to leave court today. They had to threaten to call a deputy to place her into my vehicle. I figured she'd try to run. She packed her new bags with her new clothes and took them to court with her. She clung to the chair and refused to speak or look at anyone, even the judge and GAL. And BTW, her GAL is new and she totally rocks. She actually meets with the kids on her case load!
Had to take TheDaughter to the doctor so was very frustrated with the whole court thing. Sat at court for hours on end today while my baby puked for the fourth day in a row (kids were at my parents). She is dehydrated. Very sick. Very, very sick. Darwin hasn't contacted us since he left stateside. Hope he made it safely. Nobody's knocked at the door yet, so guess no news is good news.
Chelsea & Layla's mom has issues. Lots. Chelsea's dad failed drug test. Layla's dad in prison. Brother in detention still. Don't know where his dad is. Whole family is unmedicated bipolar. Mom admits to drinking and doing drugs while pregnant with all three kids.
Sunday night Chelsea decided to speak. I thought she was chatting with the kids while watching TV. Whenever I would walk into the room she would jump and straighten her clothes. I think she may have been masturbating. I told her to go to bed.
The SW said they are going to get Chelsea into an excellent program for kids. She has so many issues. She really needs good quality medical care. This is supposed to happen tomorrow.
Kind of aggravated that they keep withholding or misleading info which ends up giving me kids that I can't handle comfortably and/or aren't a good fit for our home.
Tomorrow I'm coming home without any foster kids. Come hell or high water.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Barf-O-Rama
Sometimes life feels like one of those rides at the fair that you get on because it looks fun. You're having a great time, hands in the air, screaming WooHoo, when all of a sudden your stomach gets that all to familiar feeling of nausea and you blow chunks all over the person in front of you on the ride. Damn ride has so many ups and downs, just like life.
Friday night The Daughter said her ear hurt at bedtime. She began screaming and crying shortly therafter from the pain. I elevated her head, gave her a warm washcloth to hold over it, and put some pain ear drops in her ear which she said made it worse instead of better. This painful crying and screaming went on until midnight when I called the doctor. Of course he could do nothing at that time of night and said to bring her in on Saturday (remember we were just there on Tuesday). She finally fell asleep from exhaustion.
BabyGirl woke up shortly thereafter for a feeding. I got to sleep around 2am.
Around 5am The Daughter woke me up by running towards me, vomiting, and crying "Mom!". There was a trail from her room down the hallway to the living room and back to the bathroom. She pooped her pants too. She is 6. Got her all cleaned up just in time for it to happen again. Every 30 minutes. I called the doctor back and said mercy. He called in a Rx for antibiotic for ear and said to give Zofran for vomit. The first pill came back up, the second stayed down. She went to sleep. I did two loads of laundry, fed BabyBoy breakfast, and tried to get Chelsea to open her door or speak to me.
Then my stomach decided to do flips. I took some zofran. I went to sleep for a whole hour. BabyGirl woke up for another feeding. The Daughter woke up wanting cuddles. BabyBoy was tired of being confined in his room with all those toys. The pharmacy still hadn't opened.
The day went by. The Daughter upchucked some more. Pooped her pants some more. More laundry. More trash. More diaper changes and feedings. Chelesa finally conceded to eating half a sandwich. She then begged for me to take her to see her boyfriend "for just a minute". I took more Zofran.
I am so tired of sickness.
Wish I could ban everyone in our family from that Barf-O-Rama ride. No more germs damnit!
Friday night The Daughter said her ear hurt at bedtime. She began screaming and crying shortly therafter from the pain. I elevated her head, gave her a warm washcloth to hold over it, and put some pain ear drops in her ear which she said made it worse instead of better. This painful crying and screaming went on until midnight when I called the doctor. Of course he could do nothing at that time of night and said to bring her in on Saturday (remember we were just there on Tuesday). She finally fell asleep from exhaustion.
BabyGirl woke up shortly thereafter for a feeding. I got to sleep around 2am.
Around 5am The Daughter woke me up by running towards me, vomiting, and crying "Mom!". There was a trail from her room down the hallway to the living room and back to the bathroom. She pooped her pants too. She is 6. Got her all cleaned up just in time for it to happen again. Every 30 minutes. I called the doctor back and said mercy. He called in a Rx for antibiotic for ear and said to give Zofran for vomit. The first pill came back up, the second stayed down. She went to sleep. I did two loads of laundry, fed BabyBoy breakfast, and tried to get Chelsea to open her door or speak to me.
Then my stomach decided to do flips. I took some zofran. I went to sleep for a whole hour. BabyGirl woke up for another feeding. The Daughter woke up wanting cuddles. BabyBoy was tired of being confined in his room with all those toys. The pharmacy still hadn't opened.
The day went by. The Daughter upchucked some more. Pooped her pants some more. More laundry. More trash. More diaper changes and feedings. Chelesa finally conceded to eating half a sandwich. She then begged for me to take her to see her boyfriend "for just a minute". I took more Zofran.
I am so tired of sickness.
Wish I could ban everyone in our family from that Barf-O-Rama ride. No more germs damnit!
Placement Numero Diez
If you count BabyGirl as being our ninth placement, and technically I brought her home from the hospital with a CPS pick-up order, then today's new girl makes placement number ten. I think I'll call her Chelsea. I don't know why. I also thought about Tiny, because she is super small, but for some reason Chelsea came to mind and so it is her blog name. Forever more.
Backtracking
Friday afternoons are notorious for pick ups, especially when it's the last of the month. Usually around the month of April there are more pickups due to it being Child Abuse Prevention Month and therefore people tend to report things more often. This is based on experience and numbers locally, not speaking for everywhere. So my first call of the day was for a 15 year old whose parents took her and ran after court. They asked if I would take her if the police could find them. I agreed. But she was only being picked up for truancy and personally I don't think that is enough reason to put a kid in foster care, so I wouldn't have stopped her if she would have tried to run back to her parents. I'm just being honest.
While on the phone discussing that potential placement, the SW shared her emotional stuff about other pickups for the day. The worst one was heart breaking. I consoled/empathized with the worker. Then she asked if I might consider taking her if the other people said no. Basically I was not the first choice but just in case the preferred people backed out, would I be willing to consider fostering this younger girl. I asked questions and then agreed.
The info I was given: 14 but looks 11, sexually abused by brother, quite/meek, first time in foster care, will probably go to relative placement at 72 hour hearing.
The investigative worker brought her out to the house. The rest of the info I was then given: she's a cutter, she's taken pills that were not hers, she's smoked pot, she said the older sister was also being sexually abused (sister is still in the home), brother was arrested for domestic violence because he beat Chelsea, Mom doesn't believe Chelsea and called her a liar and doesn't want anything to do with her, Mom won't give Chelsea her clothes or other belongings says she paid for them and she's gonna keep them, Mom's boyfriend broke up with her today and she blames Chelsea, Mom texts Chelsea constantly saying horrible things, Dad lives in another city and said he can't come to court because he's gotta work (even after he was told what happened to his daughter and that she would stay in care if he didn't come say he wanted her), Maternal Family all say Chelsea is the bad kid of the bunch and it was her who did things to the older brother, Chelsea has a 13 year old boyfriend, She makes good grades, she plays flute in the school band, she likes spaghetti, and she has decided she is unhappy and will no longer speak.
Do you know how hard it was to communicate all night with someone who would not speak and doesn't know ASL?
I took her to the foster parent association resource center and picked out a bunch of jeans and some tshirts that I thought she might be able to wear. She would indicate her like or dislike with a slight shrug of the shoulders or a tiny nod of the head (she came to me with no clothes or personal items and the SW wouldn't give a voucher until after court on Monday when we know if she is staying in foster care or not). She refused to eat dinner. I made spaghetti. She seems to think her ex step dad will come to her rescue. I don't think CPS has even contacted him about court, not even sure if he would be considered as a resource since there is no tie to him anymore. For that matter, he may not have really been her step dad, may have been just one of her mother's past boyfriends. Her texts are inappropriate. She may loose phone privileges. She doesn't like kids.
We have 20 knives and 6 pairs of scissors. I counted them as I locked them in our safe in the bedroom.
Backtracking
Friday afternoons are notorious for pick ups, especially when it's the last of the month. Usually around the month of April there are more pickups due to it being Child Abuse Prevention Month and therefore people tend to report things more often. This is based on experience and numbers locally, not speaking for everywhere. So my first call of the day was for a 15 year old whose parents took her and ran after court. They asked if I would take her if the police could find them. I agreed. But she was only being picked up for truancy and personally I don't think that is enough reason to put a kid in foster care, so I wouldn't have stopped her if she would have tried to run back to her parents. I'm just being honest.
While on the phone discussing that potential placement, the SW shared her emotional stuff about other pickups for the day. The worst one was heart breaking. I consoled/empathized with the worker. Then she asked if I might consider taking her if the other people said no. Basically I was not the first choice but just in case the preferred people backed out, would I be willing to consider fostering this younger girl. I asked questions and then agreed.
The info I was given: 14 but looks 11, sexually abused by brother, quite/meek, first time in foster care, will probably go to relative placement at 72 hour hearing.
The investigative worker brought her out to the house. The rest of the info I was then given: she's a cutter, she's taken pills that were not hers, she's smoked pot, she said the older sister was also being sexually abused (sister is still in the home), brother was arrested for domestic violence because he beat Chelsea, Mom doesn't believe Chelsea and called her a liar and doesn't want anything to do with her, Mom won't give Chelsea her clothes or other belongings says she paid for them and she's gonna keep them, Mom's boyfriend broke up with her today and she blames Chelsea, Mom texts Chelsea constantly saying horrible things, Dad lives in another city and said he can't come to court because he's gotta work (even after he was told what happened to his daughter and that she would stay in care if he didn't come say he wanted her), Maternal Family all say Chelsea is the bad kid of the bunch and it was her who did things to the older brother, Chelsea has a 13 year old boyfriend, She makes good grades, she plays flute in the school band, she likes spaghetti, and she has decided she is unhappy and will no longer speak.
Do you know how hard it was to communicate all night with someone who would not speak and doesn't know ASL?
I took her to the foster parent association resource center and picked out a bunch of jeans and some tshirts that I thought she might be able to wear. She would indicate her like or dislike with a slight shrug of the shoulders or a tiny nod of the head (she came to me with no clothes or personal items and the SW wouldn't give a voucher until after court on Monday when we know if she is staying in foster care or not). She refused to eat dinner. I made spaghetti. She seems to think her ex step dad will come to her rescue. I don't think CPS has even contacted him about court, not even sure if he would be considered as a resource since there is no tie to him anymore. For that matter, he may not have really been her step dad, may have been just one of her mother's past boyfriends. Her texts are inappropriate. She may loose phone privileges. She doesn't like kids.
We have 20 knives and 6 pairs of scissors. I counted them as I locked them in our safe in the bedroom.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Where the Wild Things Are
Right before Spring Break, we gave one of The Daughter's friends this movie
& book
for her birthday. This little girl was in The Daughter's kindergarten class last year and has had a rough life (last year Dad got laid off due to the economy so Paprika's Mom and I paid for everything anonymously via the school). She lives with her dad who works a lot and at night, so her older sister (who just turned 14) takes care of her (and has for years). Mom's in prison. Dad gets overwhelmed but won't let anyone help (I frequently send him letters offering to keep the kids over the weekend and/or asking for a playdate). The older sister runs away and only comes back because she knows Melissa* has to be taken care of. Dad tightens the reigns on her for running. She rebels more (as teens are apt to do). They are one step from foster care and I try to do things to prevent that step from being taken. We pay for Melissa's school related things. We give her gifts. When I volunteer, I sit beside my daughter and Melissa and give them both plenty of affection. Melissa tells me things and I update the teacher so we can all work together to help her. Like on Wear Your Pajamas to School Day when Melissa came to school in regular clothes because she didn't have any PJs to wear, the teacher bought her some. I just hope she and The Daughter get to be in the same class again next year.
Anyway, Melissa's 7th birthday fell over Spring Break and we gave her both the book and movie of Where the Wild Things Are. I did not watch the movie first, but wish now that I had. For a synopsis, go read MaryTheMom's post. Make sure you read the comments too so you can see what I have to say about the movie because apparently I'm going to talk about everything but the movie in this post. Umm, are you back yet?
Okay, now imagine a child, who constantly talks about missing her mother, watching that movie. She's probably sitting alone watching it because she says her sister is too busy with homework to play with her and Dad's at work. That child's probably crying, right? And maybe a little scared (the monsters are scary to me and I'm an adult). Yeah, not so good.
Melissa didn't seem too upset about it at school the other day, but she also didn't go on and on talking about the details like she did when we gave her Monsters vs. Aliens
. The only reason we sought out Where the Wild Things Are was because Melissa's dad was supposed to take them to the theater to see it for Melissa's older sister's 14th birthday, but then he was too broke and they didn't get to go. Melissa was upset and I made a mental note to buy the movie for her as soon as it came out on DVD. Our next present to her will be a "Schools Out!" gift bag with bubbles, summer clothes, a ball, books, and school/art supplies. Lesson learned.
*Not her real name.
& book for her birthday. This little girl was in The Daughter's kindergarten class last year and has had a rough life (last year Dad got laid off due to the economy so Paprika's Mom and I paid for everything anonymously via the school). She lives with her dad who works a lot and at night, so her older sister (who just turned 14) takes care of her (and has for years). Mom's in prison. Dad gets overwhelmed but won't let anyone help (I frequently send him letters offering to keep the kids over the weekend and/or asking for a playdate). The older sister runs away and only comes back because she knows Melissa* has to be taken care of. Dad tightens the reigns on her for running. She rebels more (as teens are apt to do). They are one step from foster care and I try to do things to prevent that step from being taken. We pay for Melissa's school related things. We give her gifts. When I volunteer, I sit beside my daughter and Melissa and give them both plenty of affection. Melissa tells me things and I update the teacher so we can all work together to help her. Like on Wear Your Pajamas to School Day when Melissa came to school in regular clothes because she didn't have any PJs to wear, the teacher bought her some. I just hope she and The Daughter get to be in the same class again next year.Anyway, Melissa's 7th birthday fell over Spring Break and we gave her both the book and movie of Where the Wild Things Are
. I did not watch the movie first, but wish now that I had. For a synopsis, go read MaryTheMom's post. Make sure you read the comments too so you can see what I have to say about the movie because apparently I'm going to talk about everything but the movie in this post. Umm, are you back yet? Okay, now imagine a child, who constantly talks about missing her mother, watching that movie. She's probably sitting alone watching it because she says her sister is too busy with homework to play with her and Dad's at work. That child's probably crying, right? And maybe a little scared (the monsters are scary to me and I'm an adult). Yeah, not so good.
Melissa didn't seem too upset about it at school the other day, but she also didn't go on and on talking about the details like she did when we gave her Monsters vs. Aliens
. The only reason we sought out Where the Wild Things Are was because Melissa's dad was supposed to take them to the theater to see it for Melissa's older sister's 14th birthday, but then he was too broke and they didn't get to go. Melissa was upset and I made a mental note to buy the movie for her as soon as it came out on DVD. Our next present to her will be a "Schools Out!" gift bag with bubbles, summer clothes, a ball, books, and school/art supplies. Lesson learned.*Not her real name.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
One project down, a million more to go
The deck that became a playroom.
Darwin did all the hard work, I just painted. As you can see, I haven't even cleaned the floor (that white stuff on the floor is dust, not paint). Or put toys out there. The kids seem to like running around in circles and screaming to hear it echo. At least they are enjoying the new playroom?
The paint color on the wall is called Rugged Suede (4003-2B). The ceiling is Rocky Bluffs (4003-1C).
Darwin did all the hard work, I just painted. As you can see, I haven't even cleaned the floor (that white stuff on the floor is dust, not paint). Or put toys out there. The kids seem to like running around in circles and screaming to hear it echo. At least they are enjoying the new playroom?
The paint color on the wall is called Rugged Suede (4003-2B). The ceiling is Rocky Bluffs (4003-1C).
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Attempting Visits Again
Birth Mom contacted me again recently. She wants to see the kids. My ground rules are 1) they can't tell the kids to call them mom and dad, 2) we will only do monthly visits, not twice weekly like before, 3) i will not bring The Daughter to visits, and 4) i won't do visits by myself with Birth Parents and their friends. This resulted in Birth Dad saying he doesn't want to do visits at all. He said he is getting on with his life. Of course he went on and on texting me all day. So I'll pick Birth Mom up from her work and we will go out to eat lunch with the kids and then I'll take her home and drop her off. Here's to hoping it goes well.
Nevermind, BirthDads on a rampage again.
Me "BirthMom, are you still wanting to do a visit today? If so, I can pick you up after work like we discussed. Just let me know."
BirtDad "She at work right now."
9 minutes later
BirthDad "She will let you know we got other Things to do today and if you cant speak to me then you can stay at home and ill stop everything wont nobody see anyone"
1 minute later
BirthDad "Tell you what just stay home ok"
Me "I am giving BabyBoy a bath, not ignoring you, but didn't want to stop washing his hair to check message. About to dry him now as he is done."
16 minutes later
BirthDad "She gets off at 2 she needs to be home at 3 got things to do geting married tuesday so pick her up at work and yall have fun"
I want so badly to write back "so what are you gonna do if I don't return her by 3?" but instead I respectfully bowed out.
Me "That doesn't give us much time to visit. Perhaps we should do the visit another time then. Congrats on getting married."
Him "Well any visit is going to be a hour take it or not i realy dont care"
BirthMom is going to be disappointed when she gets off work (and has to walk home in the rain) because I'm not there. She'll think I stood her up, but I refuse to deal with Mr CrazyTown Controlling Asshole. Seventeen more days and we're free.
Nevermind, BirthDads on a rampage again.
Me "BirthMom, are you still wanting to do a visit today? If so, I can pick you up after work like we discussed. Just let me know."
BirtDad "She at work right now."
9 minutes later
BirthDad "She will let you know we got other Things to do today and if you cant speak to me then you can stay at home and ill stop everything wont nobody see anyone"
1 minute later
BirthDad "Tell you what just stay home ok"
Me "I am giving BabyBoy a bath, not ignoring you, but didn't want to stop washing his hair to check message. About to dry him now as he is done."
16 minutes later
BirthDad "She gets off at 2 she needs to be home at 3 got things to do geting married tuesday so pick her up at work and yall have fun"
I want so badly to write back "so what are you gonna do if I don't return her by 3?" but instead I respectfully bowed out.
Me "That doesn't give us much time to visit. Perhaps we should do the visit another time then. Congrats on getting married."
Him "Well any visit is going to be a hour take it or not i realy dont care"
BirthMom is going to be disappointed when she gets off work (and has to walk home in the rain) because I'm not there. She'll think I stood her up, but I refuse to deal with Mr CrazyTown Controlling Asshole. Seventeen more days and we're free.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Debating a Placement
We told CPS that we didn't want any placements for the few weeks leading up to Darwin's departure, so you know what that means, right? Of course that means they called multiple times, even in the middle of the night!
A 13 year old runaway sitting down at the police department, picked up hitchhiking by an unmarked police car, and oh would we be willing to go pick her up and keep her "just overnight" until they could find her a more suitable placement. Yeah, I've heard that "just overnight" line before. Remember, BabyBoy was supposed to only be temporary. Foster mom of that 13 year old girl is single and works nights and has a house full of teenagers and apparently they weren't getting along so the 13 year old ran. Foster mom wouldn't take off work and the SW didn't think she needed to be returned to that home anyway. No idea what happened to her.
An 18 year old whose currently in a mental institution because she was "just acting out doing normal teenager stuff" but is on Risperdol. Of course the placement worker doesn't know anything about the child, no diagnosis, no history, nothing really. When I asked what happens to this girl after she graduates high school in two months the placement worker said "Oh, she'll be in the Independent Living Program" like that was some miraculous thing that actually helped kids magically morph into independent living. Warning: tangent.
Used to the ILP made the teens do chores to earn allowance. The chores were laundry, cooking meals, and using the allowance to learn to budget for personal care items. Now though the teens get ILP funds for no reason. They don't have to do chores. They don't have to learn life skills. If the foster parent doesn't take initiative to teach the teenagers this very important information, then oh well, they just don't learn it. It is a crock of shit. The new woman running this program locally is the foster-parent-for-a-day woman who had Shadow right before us. She got Shadow before she graduated GPS classes, didn't teach her shit, and then disrupted as she graduated saying she needed to care for her own mother and focus on her job of teaching foster teens independent living skills. This program and the system is FAILING kids because of nepotism and letting idiots run the show. If ran correctly, it could totally rock.
So today the SW for the 18 year old called and left a message saying she was bringing her on Monday but needed to know what time. Umm, what? I didn't agree to the placement. I called back and left her a message. I tried to remember that it wasn't her fault. It was probably misscommunication. The placement worker probably assumed I would say yes. She used to be in investigations and she knows me pretty well. She has brought several of our foster kids to us and she knows I can handle mental illness and teenagers plus nobody else will take this kid. It's either me or a group home in another part of the state which means she leaves her current school only 2 months before graduating.
GUILT
I keep thinking it'll only be for two months. After that she will age out and probably go live with her boyfriend and his parents. But, what if his parents don't let her move in? Where does she go then? I can't let her be homeless just because CPS doesn't send a board payment anymore. But I can't buy her a house and car either. She has no work experience. She doesn't know how to cook, clean, or balance a checkbook. I'll have a lot to teach her in a short amount of time. And she is obsessed with thinking that she is pregnant even though she has not been allowed to be in physical proximity to her boyfriend. She spends a great deal of time at the school counselors office talking about how she thinks she is pregnant. And she is bipolar but apparently given incorrect medication. And she has poor social skills. And none of the workers would give me a straight answer as to what exactly she was doing that made the previous foster parent say she needed to be admitted to the mental hospital. But they did tell me who the previous foster parent was, because I suggested they call her since she takes teens and is a licensed therapeutic home (big flashing WARNING signs going off in my head at this point) and they replied with "That was where she was before the hospital". If this experienced therapeutic home can't deal with her, what makes them think that I can?
This therapeutic home did respite for Shadow's older sister and we all met up at the library one day. I remember meeting this 18 year old that day. She was telling Shadow that she was pregnant back then. She acted a lot like Shadow. If you've been reading here a while then you know that parenting Shadow was not easy for me. My strength is not in dealing with RAD or FASD. Parents who are in those trenches totally get my respect and admiration, but I just can't see attempting that again and especially with so much else going on in our lives.
The 18 year old gets aggravated easily by younger children. I have three younger children. Two of those children are grieving for their dad. Any new placement adds some stress, even during the honeymoon, and the kids don't need that any more than I do. There is a job I've got my eye on and wanted to focus on applying for it next week. Getting this new girl who is clingy and in need of guidance would give me less time for other things like finishing painting the house, putting the toys out in the new playroom we just built, getting private insurance before our old one runs out, taming the paper mess, mowing the yard, bush hogging the field, planting a garden, cleaning the attic, and actually writing in the kid's baby books before they are grown and I can't remember anything.
And besides this is the same CPS that was going to take BabyBoy from me. The same one that took all 6 of my friends foster kids, 4 of which she was already in the process of adopting, all because of a false allegation. She has fostered over 90 kids in her 10 years as a foster parent and they took those kids, placed the 4 with a CPS worker who promptly adopted them herself, and the 2 who made the allegations have gone on to make allegations at other homes and are now in a psych ward. Why do I feel so obligated to help them when they so obviously don't give two shits about us foster parents unless we can be of use to them? Am I afraid of the retaliation? What happens if I need my back scratched later on and I don't first scratch theirs now? Didn't I blog before about how I should learn to listen to my gut instinct / intuition? It is telling me to say no. Guilt is telling me to say yes.
A 13 year old runaway sitting down at the police department, picked up hitchhiking by an unmarked police car, and oh would we be willing to go pick her up and keep her "just overnight" until they could find her a more suitable placement. Yeah, I've heard that "just overnight" line before. Remember, BabyBoy was supposed to only be temporary. Foster mom of that 13 year old girl is single and works nights and has a house full of teenagers and apparently they weren't getting along so the 13 year old ran. Foster mom wouldn't take off work and the SW didn't think she needed to be returned to that home anyway. No idea what happened to her.
An 18 year old whose currently in a mental institution because she was "just acting out doing normal teenager stuff" but is on Risperdol. Of course the placement worker doesn't know anything about the child, no diagnosis, no history, nothing really. When I asked what happens to this girl after she graduates high school in two months the placement worker said "Oh, she'll be in the Independent Living Program" like that was some miraculous thing that actually helped kids magically morph into independent living. Warning: tangent.
Used to the ILP made the teens do chores to earn allowance. The chores were laundry, cooking meals, and using the allowance to learn to budget for personal care items. Now though the teens get ILP funds for no reason. They don't have to do chores. They don't have to learn life skills. If the foster parent doesn't take initiative to teach the teenagers this very important information, then oh well, they just don't learn it. It is a crock of shit. The new woman running this program locally is the foster-parent-for-a-day woman who had Shadow right before us. She got Shadow before she graduated GPS classes, didn't teach her shit, and then disrupted as she graduated saying she needed to care for her own mother and focus on her job of teaching foster teens independent living skills. This program and the system is FAILING kids because of nepotism and letting idiots run the show. If ran correctly, it could totally rock.
So today the SW for the 18 year old called and left a message saying she was bringing her on Monday but needed to know what time. Umm, what? I didn't agree to the placement. I called back and left her a message. I tried to remember that it wasn't her fault. It was probably misscommunication. The placement worker probably assumed I would say yes. She used to be in investigations and she knows me pretty well. She has brought several of our foster kids to us and she knows I can handle mental illness and teenagers plus nobody else will take this kid. It's either me or a group home in another part of the state which means she leaves her current school only 2 months before graduating.
GUILT
I keep thinking it'll only be for two months. After that she will age out and probably go live with her boyfriend and his parents. But, what if his parents don't let her move in? Where does she go then? I can't let her be homeless just because CPS doesn't send a board payment anymore. But I can't buy her a house and car either. She has no work experience. She doesn't know how to cook, clean, or balance a checkbook. I'll have a lot to teach her in a short amount of time. And she is obsessed with thinking that she is pregnant even though she has not been allowed to be in physical proximity to her boyfriend. She spends a great deal of time at the school counselors office talking about how she thinks she is pregnant. And she is bipolar but apparently given incorrect medication. And she has poor social skills. And none of the workers would give me a straight answer as to what exactly she was doing that made the previous foster parent say she needed to be admitted to the mental hospital. But they did tell me who the previous foster parent was, because I suggested they call her since she takes teens and is a licensed therapeutic home (big flashing WARNING signs going off in my head at this point) and they replied with "That was where she was before the hospital". If this experienced therapeutic home can't deal with her, what makes them think that I can?
This therapeutic home did respite for Shadow's older sister and we all met up at the library one day. I remember meeting this 18 year old that day. She was telling Shadow that she was pregnant back then. She acted a lot like Shadow. If you've been reading here a while then you know that parenting Shadow was not easy for me. My strength is not in dealing with RAD or FASD. Parents who are in those trenches totally get my respect and admiration, but I just can't see attempting that again and especially with so much else going on in our lives.
The 18 year old gets aggravated easily by younger children. I have three younger children. Two of those children are grieving for their dad. Any new placement adds some stress, even during the honeymoon, and the kids don't need that any more than I do. There is a job I've got my eye on and wanted to focus on applying for it next week. Getting this new girl who is clingy and in need of guidance would give me less time for other things like finishing painting the house, putting the toys out in the new playroom we just built, getting private insurance before our old one runs out, taming the paper mess, mowing the yard, bush hogging the field, planting a garden, cleaning the attic, and actually writing in the kid's baby books before they are grown and I can't remember anything.
And besides this is the same CPS that was going to take BabyBoy from me. The same one that took all 6 of my friends foster kids, 4 of which she was already in the process of adopting, all because of a false allegation. She has fostered over 90 kids in her 10 years as a foster parent and they took those kids, placed the 4 with a CPS worker who promptly adopted them herself, and the 2 who made the allegations have gone on to make allegations at other homes and are now in a psych ward. Why do I feel so obligated to help them when they so obviously don't give two shits about us foster parents unless we can be of use to them? Am I afraid of the retaliation? What happens if I need my back scratched later on and I don't first scratch theirs now? Didn't I blog before about how I should learn to listen to my gut instinct / intuition? It is telling me to say no. Guilt is telling me to say yes.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Perspective
A year is a long time for little kids to go without seeing their daddy. Sure military families do it all the time, but we didn't have kids until after those days partly because I didn't want our kids to be subjected to that but mostly because infertility and miscarriage prevented us from dealing with it. But here we are, experiencing it. Again. Five months gone last time and home for four then gone again.
As soon as he got out at the airport, The Daughter said "I miss Daddy already." I know baby, I know, me too. And as we drove away, without him, BabyBoy cried out "Daddy! Daaaadddddyyyy! Dad! Dad! Daaaaaadddddyyyyyyyy!!!" And the water works began. It was just too much.
But then we drove under the crosswalk thingy that connects different parts of the big city hospital and I could see people standing there, sad looks on their faces, death in the air, and suddenly I realized those people would give anything to trade places. To have one more day with their loved ones, even a world apart, you can still communicate because they are still alive to do so, and that made me feel grateful for what we do have. We have our health, and each other even if only in nontraditional ways.
So while our hearts are heavy with sadness, especially at night when his absence is more acutely felt, we know that he'll call when he can and that is more than others have available.
As soon as he got out at the airport, The Daughter said "I miss Daddy already." I know baby, I know, me too. And as we drove away, without him, BabyBoy cried out "Daddy! Daaaadddddyyyy! Dad! Dad! Daaaaaadddddyyyyyyyy!!!" And the water works began. It was just too much.
But then we drove under the crosswalk thingy that connects different parts of the big city hospital and I could see people standing there, sad looks on their faces, death in the air, and suddenly I realized those people would give anything to trade places. To have one more day with their loved ones, even a world apart, you can still communicate because they are still alive to do so, and that made me feel grateful for what we do have. We have our health, and each other even if only in nontraditional ways.
So while our hearts are heavy with sadness, especially at night when his absence is more acutely felt, we know that he'll call when he can and that is more than others have available.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
In hot water
We've been taking lukewarm showers for over a year now. Seriously the water straight from the "hot" tap is used to make bottles, no "cold" water needed. You have to get in the shower and get wet and then turn the water off while lathering up, otherwise you'll run out of hot water all together. One kid can take a bath with an inch of water, then the next kid has to wait about 2 hours to take his or her bath. But not anymore ...
Now I can shower and bathe all three kids and still have hot water left over. It's glorious!
Now I can shower and bathe all three kids and still have hot water left over. It's glorious!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
A Blooming Success
I have this friend that lives inside my computer. Her name is Bonnie and she used to be an angry infertile. Now she is asking I Can Haz Bebe? After living the nightmare version of the movie Juno, she and her husband are now dropping buttloads of cash to adopt internationally. The problem? They don't have buttloads of cash. So they are having fundraisers! Bonnie is very proactive and motivated (not to mention TALENTED) so she even has a raffle going on to help raise funds. Great loot being given away!
My favorite fundraiser is the flowers. Spring is just around the corner and you can order some bulbs to plant in the ground or some dwarf blueberry bushes that will bare fruit next year. If coffee is your thing, she's got that too. You may already be following her story but if you aren't please do hop on over and give her some encouragement. I'd love to see this adoption journey be a blooming success.
My favorite fundraiser is the flowers. Spring is just around the corner and you can order some bulbs to plant in the ground or some dwarf blueberry bushes that will bare fruit next year. If coffee is your thing, she's got that too. You may already be following her story but if you aren't please do hop on over and give her some encouragement. I'd love to see this adoption journey be a blooming success.
Friday, March 5, 2010
To Leash or Not To Leash
To leash or not to leash, that is the question. Not dogs, children. It's a controversial topic and I'm aware that people have very strong opinions about the subject. As a matter of fact, before parenting BabyBoy, I had always been of the Anti Child Leash Camp. Now though, I'm reconsidering. Specifically, I'm looking to purchase the Jeep 3 in 1 Backpack Harness. Some of the reviews mention that it rubs the child's neck raw, so perhaps one of those that looks like an animal
would be better?
I have parented 4 separate two year old children and have provided care for many others. I'm aware of typical development and behaviors for a toddler. BabyBoy is a little more impulsive, okay a lot more impulsive, and he explodes into angry abusive outburst. He is also very clever and active. He can scale balcony railing in a matter of seconds. He can unlock three locks on a hotel room door and get down to a lower floor in the time it takes me to start the bath water for another child. He can leap into traffic in the amount of time it takes me to bend down to tie his shoe. No amount of stern voice, warning, time outs, restrictions, redirecting, taking away toys faze him. He is defiant and he will figure out a way to accomplish whatever it is he wants. Hence the reason I'm considering buying a child leash.
We go to the zoo and the Thomas the Train event every year and both places are safe for him to run freely. Cool. We also go to the aquarium where it's not okay for him to push others out of his way, run ahead to where I can't see him, and climb on the railing. Same with Disney where it's just not safe for him to run out of my eye sight, or to run out of the tram door just as it is closing and taking off with me and the other kids on board. He's too big for a sling and I have to carry BabyGirl in it anyway. We have a single stroller and are looking at purchasing a double or triple
stroller
to help in these instances. But you may remember how BabyBoy jumped in the pool not once, not twice, but three times without an adult this summer while on vacation. All three times I was in the process of walking in the gate while carrying a ton of stuff, or putting it down so that I could get in the water before the kids, and every time he would run full speed ahead of me and jump into the pool. This past summer he was only one year old. He can't swim! Completely fearless.
Before parenting BabyBoy, I would have clucked my tongue and shook my head like a good southern girl and probably made some remark about the child's behavior reflecting the adult's poor parenting skills. I would have been judgmental. I guess this is payback, a reality check of sorts, a chance to sample some humble pie.
To leash or not to leash, what do you think?
would be better?I have parented 4 separate two year old children and have provided care for many others. I'm aware of typical development and behaviors for a toddler. BabyBoy is a little more impulsive, okay a lot more impulsive, and he explodes into angry abusive outburst. He is also very clever and active. He can scale balcony railing in a matter of seconds. He can unlock three locks on a hotel room door and get down to a lower floor in the time it takes me to start the bath water for another child. He can leap into traffic in the amount of time it takes me to bend down to tie his shoe. No amount of stern voice, warning, time outs, restrictions, redirecting, taking away toys faze him. He is defiant and he will figure out a way to accomplish whatever it is he wants. Hence the reason I'm considering buying a child leash.
We go to the zoo and the Thomas the Train event every year and both places are safe for him to run freely. Cool. We also go to the aquarium where it's not okay for him to push others out of his way, run ahead to where I can't see him, and climb on the railing. Same with Disney where it's just not safe for him to run out of my eye sight, or to run out of the tram door just as it is closing and taking off with me and the other kids on board. He's too big for a sling and I have to carry BabyGirl in it anyway. We have a single stroller and are looking at purchasing a double or triple
stroller to help in these instances. But you may remember how BabyBoy jumped in the pool not once, not twice, but three times without an adult this summer while on vacation. All three times I was in the process of walking in the gate while carrying a ton of stuff, or putting it down so that I could get in the water before the kids, and every time he would run full speed ahead of me and jump into the pool. This past summer he was only one year old. He can't swim! Completely fearless.Before parenting BabyBoy, I would have clucked my tongue and shook my head like a good southern girl and probably made some remark about the child's behavior reflecting the adult's poor parenting skills. I would have been judgmental. I guess this is payback, a reality check of sorts, a chance to sample some humble pie.
To leash or not to leash, what do you think?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
A little ray of sunshine
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Birth Parent Drama
Internally I flip flop about contact with the Birth Parents, but externally I stick to my guns about remaining open. Obviously the situation isn't perfect. They kept taking and I kept giving. They kept violating boundaries that I tried to set, and I suppose I let them. Yes, the whole thing was difficult for everyone involved, but damnit I wanted it to work.
A few weeks ago the Birth Dad said he had to walk away but to let Birth Mom keep seeing the kids. Then Birth Dad proceeded to ask me for money, transportation, food, etc. I complied. Birth Mom thought she was pregnant so I took her to the OBGYN and Birth Dad went along. He was adamant about not wanting to visit with the kids but they were sitting right next to him in the vehicle. So he wore his Ipod and turned it loud enough to drown out the van's radio. He also muttered obscenities and said things about not letting anyone have any more of his kids. For the first time since meeting them two years ago, I was physically afraid of him. He was angry and pushed Birth Mom. Birth Dad was verbally combative with me. I hated that the kids were witnessing it. Then when I took them home, Birth Dad kept calling BabyBoy "son" and telling him "daddy loves you". I was too scared to say anything. So it was decided that we wouldn't have any more visits unless Darwin could also attend. Birth Dad doesn't come to visits when Darwin arrives with me to pick them up.
One day when I was for sure going to be able to make the drive to take her food and gas money to get back to the OBGYN again, because again she thought she was pregnant, it snowed. I refused to go down our mountain, up her mountain, and then the same in reverse just to take her $20 and some soup. I told her I would put the money in the mail since the postal system is braver than I.
Then, a horrible stomach virus swept through our household, one person at a time, ensuring that someone was sick every single day for a week. During this time Birth Mom wanted me to bring her food and money. I meant to but was busy vomiting, ass pissing, or cleaning up someone else's vomit and ass piss. And because I was so busy doing this, I forgot to put a twenty in the mail. So Birth Mom didn't go to her OBGYN appointment because I didn't give her gas money. Basically if she gets pregnant now, it's all my fault because she was going to get the BC shot if she wasn't already preggers. For the record, I felt bad about not following through. I hate when I forget something. I typically write everything down so that I don't forget, but being sick just took a lot out of us all and I fucked up.
The Daughter had some eye issues and while at the ophthalmologist the BirthParents called and text'd several times. Then we went to PreOp where they called and texted some more. They knew we had all been sick and that the kids went to my parents while I was in the thick of the virus myself. They knew we had that doctor appointment in another city. They knew my parents were watching the other kids that day. But they called. And texted. And I got frustrated. So when we got to the parking lot I called them back and told them how I felt about a lot of stuff. I should mention that Birth Mom is back to working and received a paycheck the same day she skipped out on her OBGYN appointment. She claimed that she didn't have enough money left over from her paycheck to pay someone gas money to take her to the doctor. But they turned their phone back on and bought cigarettes and other things of importance to them. I knew that I shouldn't have told her how I really felt. I knew it made them mad. I knew they would lash out. I just didn't expect they would be so vicious and unstable.
The next day BirthMom asked for some food. I said I would bring her the food that I had already purchased for them. She called back saying she would meet me in a city near me. Then she called and said she could just come here! I said I was already on my way to neutral city. She said they were going there with a neighbor who was going for a job interview. Then turned out his interview was the next day. Then turned out he was promised that I would give him gas money for bringing them to meet me. I was just going to go to their place ... they were manipulating the situation. I told them I couldn't do a visit but they wanted a visit anyway. They got in the van with the kids. I was forced to do a short visit. Everyone was friendly and I thought we parted on good terms. Except then they tried to follow me and I had to evade via a long route through the boondocks before going home.
The day after that while BirthMom was away, BirthDad sent a text saying not only is he going to walk away but now he is making BirthMom walk away too. He said he doesn't know why BirthMom keeps asking me for things (he asks as much as she does!) but that he is putting a stop to it BY GETTING A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME. He told me that I better change my cell and home number so BirthMom can't contact me. He said if I try to contact them, go to the fast food location where BirthMom works, or send them mail that he will have me arrested. I didn't reply to the text right away because we were having BabyBoy's birthday party. When I did reply BirthMom had no idea what was going on, so I forwarded her his text.
She took up for him saying he is depressed. He is sad about loosing his mom and uncle all in the past couple of years. He is worried about their living situation and not being able to get anyone to help him get to a job (I've given him the info about 2 separate interviews, neither of which he attended). Besides, he thinks that I don't want them to see the kids because the last couple of things have fallen through. They seemed to have forgotten about the day before. They also seemed to forget about all the other things we've done for them and all the other twice weekly visits we've had. But it is my fault and that's why he threatened me with a restraining order ... because he thought I didn't want him to see the kids. The kids I just let him see the day before. So then they asked for a visit and I said I would only come if they promised not to have me arrested for showing up in violation of this alleged restraining order.
Next day BirthDad texts me saying he is going to call and report me to CPS for leaving his kids with people that do drugs just because I've got the shits. I reply that my parents don't do drugs. He calls me a liar. I explain, again, about my childhood and how my parents aren't like that anymore and haven't been since the 80s. He says he will call CPS and report me over and over until HIS KIDS are moved. He says he knows I've had a kid taken from me before. I replied that I have not but that he is welcomed to call CPS as they know all about my childhood and are all up in our business now as well. He goes on and on with threats. I called CPS and my lawyer.
Silence for two days.
Then BirthDad sent a text LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. He basically said he was putting the kids on his insurance because he starts work the following week. And BirthMom sent a text saying they were talking about seeing the kids. She told me again that he got a job and how excited they were. Then they called and called and called. They called the cell. They called the house. Over and over and over. Both my lawyer and CPS advised me to not answer and not reply, so I didn't.
I understand that the situation was hard emotionally on the birthparents, but it didn't have to go down like this. They could have asked me to stop sending updates and setting up visits without so much drama. Sad situation. I did tell them how I will do my best to raise the kids well and to let them know how much BirthParents love and care for them. I also said that if they change their minds in the future and figure out a way to be okay with visits, that I will be open to that. Maybe they just need time to sort it all out. Or maybe she is pregnant and they wanted to sever contact with me so they could leave the state untraced and keep one of their kids. I don't know, but I was really hoping for an open relationship for the kids sake though I did wonder at times if it was really in their best interest. Now the decision has been made. By them.
A few weeks ago the Birth Dad said he had to walk away but to let Birth Mom keep seeing the kids. Then Birth Dad proceeded to ask me for money, transportation, food, etc. I complied. Birth Mom thought she was pregnant so I took her to the OBGYN and Birth Dad went along. He was adamant about not wanting to visit with the kids but they were sitting right next to him in the vehicle. So he wore his Ipod and turned it loud enough to drown out the van's radio. He also muttered obscenities and said things about not letting anyone have any more of his kids. For the first time since meeting them two years ago, I was physically afraid of him. He was angry and pushed Birth Mom. Birth Dad was verbally combative with me. I hated that the kids were witnessing it. Then when I took them home, Birth Dad kept calling BabyBoy "son" and telling him "daddy loves you". I was too scared to say anything. So it was decided that we wouldn't have any more visits unless Darwin could also attend. Birth Dad doesn't come to visits when Darwin arrives with me to pick them up.
One day when I was for sure going to be able to make the drive to take her food and gas money to get back to the OBGYN again, because again she thought she was pregnant, it snowed. I refused to go down our mountain, up her mountain, and then the same in reverse just to take her $20 and some soup. I told her I would put the money in the mail since the postal system is braver than I.
Then, a horrible stomach virus swept through our household, one person at a time, ensuring that someone was sick every single day for a week. During this time Birth Mom wanted me to bring her food and money. I meant to but was busy vomiting, ass pissing, or cleaning up someone else's vomit and ass piss. And because I was so busy doing this, I forgot to put a twenty in the mail. So Birth Mom didn't go to her OBGYN appointment because I didn't give her gas money. Basically if she gets pregnant now, it's all my fault because she was going to get the BC shot if she wasn't already preggers. For the record, I felt bad about not following through. I hate when I forget something. I typically write everything down so that I don't forget, but being sick just took a lot out of us all and I fucked up.
The Daughter had some eye issues and while at the ophthalmologist the BirthParents called and text'd several times. Then we went to PreOp where they called and texted some more. They knew we had all been sick and that the kids went to my parents while I was in the thick of the virus myself. They knew we had that doctor appointment in another city. They knew my parents were watching the other kids that day. But they called. And texted. And I got frustrated. So when we got to the parking lot I called them back and told them how I felt about a lot of stuff. I should mention that Birth Mom is back to working and received a paycheck the same day she skipped out on her OBGYN appointment. She claimed that she didn't have enough money left over from her paycheck to pay someone gas money to take her to the doctor. But they turned their phone back on and bought cigarettes and other things of importance to them. I knew that I shouldn't have told her how I really felt. I knew it made them mad. I knew they would lash out. I just didn't expect they would be so vicious and unstable.
The next day BirthMom asked for some food. I said I would bring her the food that I had already purchased for them. She called back saying she would meet me in a city near me. Then she called and said she could just come here! I said I was already on my way to neutral city. She said they were going there with a neighbor who was going for a job interview. Then turned out his interview was the next day. Then turned out he was promised that I would give him gas money for bringing them to meet me. I was just going to go to their place ... they were manipulating the situation. I told them I couldn't do a visit but they wanted a visit anyway. They got in the van with the kids. I was forced to do a short visit. Everyone was friendly and I thought we parted on good terms. Except then they tried to follow me and I had to evade via a long route through the boondocks before going home.
The day after that while BirthMom was away, BirthDad sent a text saying not only is he going to walk away but now he is making BirthMom walk away too. He said he doesn't know why BirthMom keeps asking me for things (he asks as much as she does!) but that he is putting a stop to it BY GETTING A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME. He told me that I better change my cell and home number so BirthMom can't contact me. He said if I try to contact them, go to the fast food location where BirthMom works, or send them mail that he will have me arrested. I didn't reply to the text right away because we were having BabyBoy's birthday party. When I did reply BirthMom had no idea what was going on, so I forwarded her his text.
She took up for him saying he is depressed. He is sad about loosing his mom and uncle all in the past couple of years. He is worried about their living situation and not being able to get anyone to help him get to a job (I've given him the info about 2 separate interviews, neither of which he attended). Besides, he thinks that I don't want them to see the kids because the last couple of things have fallen through. They seemed to have forgotten about the day before. They also seemed to forget about all the other things we've done for them and all the other twice weekly visits we've had. But it is my fault and that's why he threatened me with a restraining order ... because he thought I didn't want him to see the kids. The kids I just let him see the day before. So then they asked for a visit and I said I would only come if they promised not to have me arrested for showing up in violation of this alleged restraining order.
Next day BirthDad texts me saying he is going to call and report me to CPS for leaving his kids with people that do drugs just because I've got the shits. I reply that my parents don't do drugs. He calls me a liar. I explain, again, about my childhood and how my parents aren't like that anymore and haven't been since the 80s. He says he will call CPS and report me over and over until HIS KIDS are moved. He says he knows I've had a kid taken from me before. I replied that I have not but that he is welcomed to call CPS as they know all about my childhood and are all up in our business now as well. He goes on and on with threats. I called CPS and my lawyer.
Silence for two days.
Then BirthDad sent a text LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. He basically said he was putting the kids on his insurance because he starts work the following week. And BirthMom sent a text saying they were talking about seeing the kids. She told me again that he got a job and how excited they were. Then they called and called and called. They called the cell. They called the house. Over and over and over. Both my lawyer and CPS advised me to not answer and not reply, so I didn't.
I understand that the situation was hard emotionally on the birthparents, but it didn't have to go down like this. They could have asked me to stop sending updates and setting up visits without so much drama. Sad situation. I did tell them how I will do my best to raise the kids well and to let them know how much BirthParents love and care for them. I also said that if they change their minds in the future and figure out a way to be okay with visits, that I will be open to that. Maybe they just need time to sort it all out. Or maybe she is pregnant and they wanted to sever contact with me so they could leave the state untraced and keep one of their kids. I don't know, but I was really hoping for an open relationship for the kids sake though I did wonder at times if it was really in their best interest. Now the decision has been made. By them.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
My Precious
I feel like Smeagal right now stroking my computer saying My Preeeeecious. We put the computer in the shop. It was slow as molasses. Things in quarantine kept replicating into different places. I thought quarantine meant they couldn't do that, but apparently they can. So I've been internet-less for a whole week. Pure torture.
Darwin got me a laptop for Christmas, but it doesn't have a hickey for dialup and that's all we can get out here in the sticks. It's useless. Used to I would go sit at the library and relish in fast page loads, but now I've got a 2 year old and a 2 month old and neither are library-friendly. Woe is me, right? LOL
The Daughter came out of surgery with a swollen black eye, but within a few hours was able to see out of it again. The next day she was very dizzy and weak so I kept her home from school even though she didn't have a doctor's excuse. That night she began vomiting. Just hours before she got sick, I said to Childhood Frienemy that The Daughter was the only person in our household that hadn't caught the stomach virus "knock on wood". Guess I should've knocked harder. She was down for the count the rest of the week. Missed more school.
I had some foster parent stuff that was fun and interesting. There are some people from the foster/adoptive parenting blogosphere that I have met and some I will soon be meeting. It is weird to meet people and know more about them than they realize, but I don't feel I can say "I read your blog" because then they'll ask if I blog and I can't have my two worlds colliding.
BirthParent drama out the wazoo. It will get its own post soon.
BabyGirl's adoption is finalized!
BabyBoy's new birth certificate came in the mail recently. Very odd to see our names listed as the birth parents. The OBGYN listed is BirthMom's, not mine. Just seems so wrong. I think there should be a "birth certificate" and then an "adoption certificate".
We got another call for a placement but I asked to be removed from the list until Darwin leaves. He is already working overtime and the kids need to spend time with him. A year apart is a long time for little kids. Then, everything changes.
My parents both got the stomach virus, one week apart.
I put up the heart motif for Valentine's Day / February but will be changing it back soon. Love, love, LOVE Lena Toews designs but installing the template erased everything, links and all, and I hate having to go back and redo everything. Mainly because I can't remember how to take the black lines from around the pictures. I can't remember how to widen the middle area where you write. And with dial up it takes forever and a day to find the info online and then hunt and peck on the keyboard until I fix it all. Doesn't help that I'm computer stupid. I think I'll try ShabbyBlogs backgrounds next and then probably just bite the bullet and have someone design what I really want. I have it all figured out in my head but can't draw for shit and even if I could, I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to make that into a blog design. But anyway, changes coming soon.
45 day menstrual cycles suck.
It snowed again.
And that ends my rambling. For now.
Darwin got me a laptop for Christmas, but it doesn't have a hickey for dialup and that's all we can get out here in the sticks. It's useless. Used to I would go sit at the library and relish in fast page loads, but now I've got a 2 year old and a 2 month old and neither are library-friendly. Woe is me, right? LOL
The Daughter came out of surgery with a swollen black eye, but within a few hours was able to see out of it again. The next day she was very dizzy and weak so I kept her home from school even though she didn't have a doctor's excuse. That night she began vomiting. Just hours before she got sick, I said to Childhood Frienemy that The Daughter was the only person in our household that hadn't caught the stomach virus "knock on wood". Guess I should've knocked harder. She was down for the count the rest of the week. Missed more school.
I had some foster parent stuff that was fun and interesting. There are some people from the foster/adoptive parenting blogosphere that I have met and some I will soon be meeting. It is weird to meet people and know more about them than they realize, but I don't feel I can say "I read your blog" because then they'll ask if I blog and I can't have my two worlds colliding.
BirthParent drama out the wazoo. It will get its own post soon.
BabyGirl's adoption is finalized!
BabyBoy's new birth certificate came in the mail recently. Very odd to see our names listed as the birth parents. The OBGYN listed is BirthMom's, not mine. Just seems so wrong. I think there should be a "birth certificate" and then an "adoption certificate".
We got another call for a placement but I asked to be removed from the list until Darwin leaves. He is already working overtime and the kids need to spend time with him. A year apart is a long time for little kids. Then, everything changes.
My parents both got the stomach virus, one week apart.
I put up the heart motif for Valentine's Day / February but will be changing it back soon. Love, love, LOVE Lena Toews designs but installing the template erased everything, links and all, and I hate having to go back and redo everything. Mainly because I can't remember how to take the black lines from around the pictures. I can't remember how to widen the middle area where you write. And with dial up it takes forever and a day to find the info online and then hunt and peck on the keyboard until I fix it all. Doesn't help that I'm computer stupid. I think I'll try ShabbyBlogs backgrounds next and then probably just bite the bullet and have someone design what I really want. I have it all figured out in my head but can't draw for shit and even if I could, I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to make that into a blog design. But anyway, changes coming soon.
45 day menstrual cycles suck.
It snowed again.
And that ends my rambling. For now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)