A shot in the buttocks

You have to say the title in your best Forrest Gump accent. I'm negative for the flu. Negative for a kidney infection. Negative for ear infection though there is pressure in there. Negative for pregnancy. Like duh. Doctors don't listen when I say "I'm INFERTILE!" besides it's only cycle day 12 so a urine preg test wouldn't be sensitive enough to catch it this soon anyway. Positive for Strep. Because that was positive, the doc wouldn't test for Mono. Even though I told him how I had been taking Amoxicillan and the sore throat didn't go away and instead I got a rash on my chest and neck. Dr Google says that is indicative of Mono. And even though I told him I had been exposed to Mono through a friend and her kids. But whatever. They were happy to give me a shot in the ass. Said it would make me feel all better by tonight. Well, it's tonight and I still feel like shit.

As I'm sitting in the waiting room at the walk in clinic, my mom calls my cell. BabyBoy grabbed the heater in the barn with his bare hands and wouldn't stop crying so she was rushing to the doctor. She was so freaked out she didn't even think to ask where to take him. Didn't take a diaper bag or anything. Turns out he has 2nd degree burns. Have to take him back tomorrow to get dressing redone. Then again next week and so on and so forth. Since the adoption isn't finalized yet I had to ponder whether or not to notify his SW. I guess he'll wear mittens to the adoption finalization. Even if it's 70 degrees out.

Then I got a couple of text messages from the BirthParents. See Roz, your comment wasn't so random afterall. They flat out asked me to bring them food and tampons. Guess that means she isn't pregnant. Earlier I got a call from the FoodStamp office. BirthParents had given my cell # as their own number and the lady was calling to do the interview or something like that. Just yesterday BirthMom hinted that they needed someone to co-sign on a car loan for them on Friday. Umm, no way in hell.

I barely got out of the doctor in time to pick The Daughter up from school. My mom was late for work because she was at the pediatrician with BabyBoy. My dad was home with BabyGirl. He is so awesome with her. He never held, changed, or fed me, my sister, or even The Daughter, but he takes such good care of BabyGirl. He sings to her and it is so sweet to see. Anyway, my sister sends a text saying someone was drugged up and wrecked in her yard taking down our mailboxes in the process. Our brand new mailboxes that were cemented in the ground by The Husband after someone took a baseball bat to the last ones. He just fixed them and now, they are splinters of wood and a ball of crumpled metal.

So I'm going to live apparently. Oh, and the petition on BabyGirl was dropped though I had to email up the food chain all the way to the director to get an answer.

I think I'm dying, no really I feel awful

At first I thought it was the Flu. The Husband had been feeling a little under the weather so I just assumed I caught what he had. He is already feeling somewhat better, never taking a day off work, but sleeping as much as possible. When he started antibiotics, he seemed to get better which made me realize it wasn't the flu. My body hurts. I mean godawful just kill me now it hurts too bad to go on kind of hurting. And my fever is high. And I have extreme fatigue. I can't walk from one room to the other without having to sit down and rest. Then my throat started to hurt so I started taking antibiotics but it didn't get better. My lower back hurts like a kidney infection. My front side hurts bad enough to make me walk bent over. My neck is visibly swollen. So today I looked inside my throat and it is red, swollen, and covered in white mucus. That coupled with the fact I can't swallow my own saliva without wincing and I have nausea to the point of dry heaving made me concerned enough to call the doctor. I'm going in for an appointment in just a jiffy. My parents are going to keep the kids. I suspect it is Mono.

My childhood frienemy was over not too long ago to see BabyGirl and BabyBoy. After she left she called to say that her oldest girl just got back from the doc and has mono. Shadow had just started to hang out with childhood frienemy's oldest girl before she moved. I didn't kiss on any of them, but people do cough and sneeze and half-ass wash their hands. So mono is a possibility and according to Doctor Google, that may very well be what I have. The pain is my spleen and kidneys. The throat pain is SEVERE, not like Strep but 100 times worse. For days now I've not been able to hold BabyGirl or pick BabyBoy up to place him on the changing table for diaper changes. I've not given any kids a bath nor have I had one myself (The Husband did bathe the kids). Yesterday I sat for 3 hours at the pediatrician for BabyGirl's well-child appointment (7lbs 12oz) and then took the kids to my parents house while I came home to sleep. After I picked The Daughter up from school, we went to get the other kids. I gave them food and went to bed. The Husband woke me up when he got home at night. I don't have a clue if The Daughter's homework has been completed.

My head hurts. This can go on for MONTHS. OMG it is torture. And now The Daughter is complaining of not feeling well. She has no appetite and can't sleep well. I really don't want to pass this around the household. We have so much planned for the upcoming weeks. The Daughter has already missed too much school. Ugh. So, if I don't blog for a while it is because I'm curled up in the fetal position in bed whining that I feel bad.

Snow in the South

Even though this winter has been the coldest of any I can remember, getting down in the single digits, we've had less snow. Way less. One day we got a very light dusting of snow that shut down schools and roads for two days. We could have sprinkled powdered sugar on the ground and had the same effect.

Movie Night

Four Christmases had it's funny moments but ultimately was a stereotypical -woman sees man holding baby and starts hearing her biological clock ticking- kind of movie.



Inglourious Basterds was not my pick at all and I actually meant to sleep through the movie, but it was much more fun to stay awake and make fun of Brad Pitt's pathetic accent. There was lots of gratuitous gore, but the movie was interesting and sad.



Up should come with a disclaimer warning all infertiles and people who've endured miscarriages to skip the first part of the movie. Heartbreakingly sad but super sweet characters. The Daughter, age 6, has watched this 4 times already and keeps asking to see it again.



Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was funny to watch in 3D on the big theater screen but The Daughter didn't wear her glasses which made it blurry for her, so we rented the movie to watch at home. It's not true to the book, but it has a cute plot line and adorably nerdy main characters so I give it two opposable thumbs up.

Shadow's gone

While I know it wasn't a good fit and I know she was a risk to the other members of our household, it still seems so bizarre that she is gone. Just like that. I still can't wrap my mind around why her worker switched gears so suddenly.

I asked her worker today if we were being accused of anything and she said no. She denies having called the counselor about any concerns. Said we aren't being investigated or anything. But then when she came to pick her up this afternoon, she left her vehicle running and didn't want to come inside to help load everything up. The Husband thought it was odd that she left her vehicle running while Shadow ate dinner and everything.

While I was packing up Shadow's things, and somewhat looking for our missing forks*, I ran across a letter dated Jan 19th 2010 from a female friend of Shadow's and it was asking where Shadow was moving to. I found that odd since it wasn't until Jan 21st 2010 that anything came up about her moving. So I thought maybe Shadow has been lying and manipulating in order to get moved back. I also found enlarged photos of the former foster dad (not the mom or kids though). They had said before that Shadow was telling everyone she and former foster dad would hold hands and she acted inappropriate about their relationship. Odd though that now they want her back.

And Shadow came home telling me that The Cheerleader was telling everyone that she knew the placement wouldn't last. She said that The Cheerleader was bad mouthing me and when Shadow's friend stood up to The Cheerleader, and accused her of being the reason Shadow is moving, The Cheerleader got embarrassed. Seems someone told the counselor that they thought Shadow was in danger in our house. The SW claims the counselor never told her this. I can't tell who is telling the truth and who is lying and who is doing a little of both.

Amongst all the chaos and drama, BirthDad text'd to say this was too hard for him and so he was stepping away but to let BirthMom continue to see the kids. He doesn't want to live anymore. He is too stressed. If only they had a car so they could get to find a job. And then BirthMom calls crying because they are fighting and she doesn't know what to do. If only she had some money to get groceries. Or if they could just get their electricity turned on and water pipes repaired.

I have been assured that we are still foster parents. We aren't in any trouble. We didn't do anything wrong. I'm trying to figure out whether to call and confront The Cheerleader and my childhood frienemy or to just let it go. I don't think I'll rest well until after court next week. And then I won't relax completely until after the adoption is finalized the week after that.

*Ever since Shadow moved in, our forks have been slowly dwindling. We've had the same two sets of silverware for 9 years now. Then one night as we sat down to dinner, The Husband asked where the other forks were. They weren't dirty. Weren't in the dishwasher or the sink or the drawer or anywhere else that we could see. We only had two forks and there were 5 people eating dinner, so The Husband drove to the store and bought two more sets of silverware. Later at the homevisit the SW said Shadow did similar things in previous homes, stealing odd items and hiding them under her mattress. I looked under her mattress and found nothing. Today I looked through the top layer of many of her boxes and bags of stuff, but didn't have enough time to go through them all. We're just grateful she wasn't stealing knives. Now that would have been scary.

Birth Parent Stuff

BirthParents have been interesting lately. They said their friends don't come by anymore because they just wanted to get high and BirthParents told them they didn't do that stuff anymore because they wanted to see their kids. But the past 3 times I've been over to pick them up, they have had a friend there. They don't call as much now, except when they want something, which is almost daily(but only once instead of 4 to 6 times). BirthDad wanted me to take him to this job staffing place but I couldn't on that day so he said he couldn't get anyone else to take him. Then the next week BirthDad's uncle died so they asked me to bring the kids to the funeralhome. Then they text'd asking to borrow $20 for dress slacks for the funeral. Then BirthMom asked me to bring my makeup so she could do up her face. Then she needed a pair of shoes. And if it wouldn't be too much trouble, would I meet them in town with all 4 kids at 8pm because they are riding around with friends and are near my town and I could just buy them the stuff right now instead of waiting until before the funeral the next day. But this friend couldn't take them to go job hunting. Neither could the other friends. But they can ride around aimlessly spending gas money they don't have. And do drugs or whatever. I don't share my makeup with anyone, not even my Mama, 'cause it's gross. So the day of the funeral, I bought them all that shit they asked for and we went to the funeral home where BirthParents took the kids and walked around letting everyone see them. BirthParents told me the family knew about the situation but when they called BirthParents "mommy" and "daddy" and tried to hand BabyBoy to BirthMom and he had a fit to come to me, I realized the family didn't know. Also when someone would ask about the kids the BirthParents would answer as if they are raising them. For example "Is BabyGirl sleeping through the night?" BirthDad's answer "yes" my answer "no". Someone asked how old their kids were and they listed all 6 of them to which the relative replied "You've got a house full then, huh." and BirthMom proudly beamed and said "Yes, yes we do." I was pissed, said so, and took them home early.

On the way back to their trailer, BirthDad said to BirthMom "Remind me to call and reschedule that job interview." You know the one he missed LAST WEEK because he couldn't get a ride. It didn't occur to him that maybe he should call on the day of the interview to let them know he needs to reschedule, not a week later. Today they text'd letting me know their phone would be turned off again (remember i paid to have it turned on a while back) and that they couldn't use their neighbors anymore because they are no longer being friendly. Turns out the neighbor said you can't use our phone, eat our food, take our drugs, and sleep on our couch anymore. The BirthParents just can't understand why the neighbors are suddenly being so mean because the BirthParents have been nothing but nice and helpful and giving to their neighbors.

Meanwhile BirthDad normally jokes, inappropriately so, with me both over the phone and in person but since the funeral he has had nothing nice to say to me. When he tells BirthMom to say something that maybe isn't the most polite thing to say, she will make excuses for him saying that he is just stressed out because they don't have electricity or water and he can't get a ride to get a job and his aunt passed away and then his unlce passed away and he is just so stressed. Meaning if I were to give him some more money he would like me again.

Oh, did I mention that their voicemail says "Hi you've reached BirthDad, BirthMom, and BabyGirl ... please leave a message ..." Umm, yeah, they haven't yet realized this isn't a coparenting situation. I think that if we continue to have visits once a week like we've been doing, that they will try and have the kids call them mom and dad. This won't work. It isn't working. You've all known that all along of course, but I was determined to give it my best to "save them". Cause that's how I roll. Fucked up childhoods tend to haunt you forever.

Why you shouldn't stand up to the all powerful social worker

Shadow probably does have FASD but I'll never know. Neither will she. Because I pissed the SW off at the only homevisit she ever did while Shadow lived here and she decided it best to move her. I demanded the SW do her fucking job. And even though CPS swears they don't retaliate, they do.

The SW said at the homevisit that Shadow absolutely would not be moving back, so Shadow finally had a little closure and began to move on. She started making more friends at school and agreed to look for a new home church. She has shown more progress in the past week than she has the whole three months she lived here.

The worker also said that Shadow's sisters were about to be moved from that home. CPS has some concerns about the home and foster parents. And the sisters were not doing well there either.

Then today, the SW called me right as Shadow got off the bus this afternoon to tell me she was moving back to her past home. Her excuse was that this placement isn't a good fit. Well, no shit Sherlock. I said that three Fing months ago. But why now? Why move her back just days after telling her that she couldn't go back, no matter what? What changed? What's going on that you aren't telling?

The worker said that the school counselor called her and told her that Shadow came to him upset and homesick and that he called to let her know because he felt he should pass that info on.

Shadow said she didn't go up to the counselor complaining, but that he called her up there asking about her home life. She said that the counselor told her that he received a tip by someone who was concerned about Shadow. All she said to the counselor was that she was homesick for her past school friends and her sisters who are still in the home that disrupted on her.

So who was the anonymous concerned person? Was it the CPS worker who called the school counselor? If so was she merely trying to have an excuse to move Shadow or are they trying to make allegations to stop the adoptions of BabyBoy and BabyGirl? CPS is annoyed at me for getting a lawyer and thereby preventing BabyGirl from remaining in foster care. Of course they didn't drop the petition so we have to go to court about that. Maybe in court if they have concerns about Shadow they can bring that up in court and stop the adoptions, even move the kids too. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid because I don't trust anybody. Ever.

Or maybe it was The Cheerleader. She tells everyone at that school that I was mean to her. She visited the counselor frequently to manipulate and tell him her sob stories of my torture chamber in the dungeon where I keep all foster kids. When she would tell her SW that I never let her do anything fun, that worker knew better because I sent her emails every time The Cheerleader left our home which was almost every single day. And I had to get permission to leave the state with her, which was numerous times to go to the beach for a week and other FUN places. The Cheerleader is jealous of Shadow. She thinks Shadow wants her boyfriend. Also, I just text'd with The Cheerleader yesterday and she was all nice and "luv u" and "miss you" but then told her boyfriend who then told his mom who then told me that she was tired of me texting her and that all I did was ask if she was still using protection. (i have our texts saved and we talked about shoes, her mom, college, etc not just condoms)

Or maybe it was The Cheerleader's boyfriends mom who is my childhood friend. More accurately my Childhood Frienemy. If we hadn't of grown up together, we wouldn't be friends. We go long stretches of time not speaking and those are the more peaceful times. She stabs me in the back, lies to me and about me, spreads rumors about me, and most recently called CPS telling them if we didn't get to keep BabyGirl that she wanted her. She denied that of course but she didn't realize the SW would ask me about her. Busted. She didn't care anything about being a teacher until I became one. She didn't care anything about fostering until I started. She didn't like bald dudes until I married one. She didn't want a big family until I got one. She started trying to get The Cheerleader to come live with her before she ever left foster care and now she does stay overnight there a lot. Supposedly on the couch, of course. When we were growing up, she would become BFF with whatever guy I was dating. She would invite him over to play basketball on a Friday night and since we lived right across the road from one another, within spitting distance, I could see them. She'd coax my exhusband into giving her foot massages. She always thinks she knows more than me, thinks she does everything better than me, and tunes me out when its my turn to talk on the phone.

Or maybe it was the foster parent that subs at the school. The one who has been trying to get Shadow to come live with her. The one that told Shadow about that past drama that she shouldn't have known about. We got one of this woman's foster kids once ... she had disrupted on her and she came here to live and we loved her, still keep in touch, but this foster parent spread rumors about the girl and us anyway. But she is kin to two CPS employees and her husband is a, or rather the detective, so there is no stopping her.

Or maybe I'm just being paranoid and Shadow's worker just thought about the situation and decided that Shadow would be better off back at her old home with her sisters. Even though the message being sent to her is that if she doesn't mind them, that they will send her away. Even though they told her she can't bring her Twilight books that she got for Christmas because they are the works of Satan. And she won't be able to date anymore. Or go out with friends. Or watch TV. Because all those things are against their religion. But those foster parents, who just last week were a concern to the SW, are not the type to stand up to the worker and demand that Shadow get tested or psychiatric help or tutoring. And according to Shadow her SW only did a homevisit once or twice a year instead of every month, and the previous foster parents just let it go. And I didn't.

I might could stop obsessing if I weren't so worried that they are up to something else. I figure they won't place any other kids with us for a while. After we got BabyBoy, they didn't give us another kid for a whole year. Or they may just tell us to hand in our license. They went from wanting me to move up from VP to President of the foster parent association to not wanting me involved at all. This was told to the current President yesterday.



Now switching gears slightly, someone who shall remain nameless called the insurance company again armed with the legal info so they couldn't turn us down. This time though he was past the 31 day mark. I got mad and yelled and cursed because BabyGirl has yet to see a doctor and now she has a cold and her umbilical cord area is turning red. I've called and made an appointment for next week, so don't freak out and send hatemail. She's been fine overall but needs shots. Anyway, we now have insurance on them supposedly but they had to file some special paperwork since we were beyond the 31 day mark. If only someone who shall remain nameless had been more forceful when he first called and not let them blow him off, this could have been done the day we became her legal guardians.

Finally, a homevisit for Shadow

Three months into Shadow's placement with us and her worker finally graced us with her presence. And it was interesting to say the least. We raised our voices at one another. I said something like "It's pretty pathetic at the level of neglect and incompetence in regards to this case. Shadow can't go to the doctor because you've failed to fax a form to the state office, meanwhile she's almost bald from hair loss potentially from a thyroid or other medical condition. Correspondence classes that she was supposed to complete back before Christmas break have yet to arrive due to sheer idiocy. One person neglected to send the form to the proper person, the financial person sent payment to the wrong place, then it was returned and sat in your mailbox for a month before you noticed, and now you are asking us why Shadow can't just turn in her work? She hasn't even received her work yet! She can't pass the high school grad exam. She needs a tutor. She needs testing. She needs to see a psychiatrist, not some CPS affiliated counselor. We were told she would have regular visits with siblings and that has yet to be arranged. We haven't had an ISP meeting. Nobody has been out for a homevisit and you are required by law to do them. Shadow's ILP money went to her mailing address from two homes ago because you forgot to change her information. I don't mean to be so harsh, but in just four short months Shadow will be out of the foster care system and if CPS doesn't give her the help she needs, she will be homeless, jobless, and without a high school diploma. I refuse to to let this happen. TheHusband and I care about Shadow and we want to see her succeed." And apparently that was too critical and rude and tactless because that's what the worker's words and actions implied. Oh she got defensive and pissy and even more closed off than before. She probably won't place her case load kids with us again. And that's okay. We don't have to like one another.

But I found out two very pertinent things that explain much of Shadow's behavior. 1) her IQ is 70 and 2)she was horribly pickled in utero by a constant stream of alcohol and hard drugs

She's been involved with CPS since the age of 5, so for 13 years. For a few months she was with a foster family until moving in with one of her sister's grandparents (they all have different daddies, same mom), but CPS dismisses this and doesn't even call it a placement (what was it then? a holding cell? grrr!). Ten years she lived with her sisters and their grandparents. Over the past three years now she's been in one group home under two separate sets of house parents, and four actual foster homes including ours.

And she has never felt attached to anyone, her whole life, until the people who disrupted on her.

And she has a pesky little habit of taking things that aren't hers and then hiding them in odd places.

And everywhere she has ever lived has said she has inappropriate behaviors and unusual fascinations.

And she sometimes lies.

And she isn't sure of what to say or how to act in situations, so she needs someone to tell her her lines, to coach her as in a play.

And she may or may not have a history of violence. It may have been her sister. They are so much alike and only 1 year apart, and the SW couldn't be bothered to read their files or remember which is which.

You know, nothing that was serious enough for the SW to mention when she called asking us to take an 18 year old who was a "good kid, never been in trouble, only in foster care for 2 years".

Typical CPS bullshit.

BabyGirl is a month old

My how time flies. BabyGirl was born one month ago today. It's hard to believe really as so much has happened in such a short time. She's gained a few pounds, up to 6 something. I'd know specifically but someone who shall remain nameless procrastinated on contacting HR, then found out he just needed to call the insurance company, then procrastinated on that, then called and let them tell him the adoptions had to be finalized first. I had to look it up online and find the specific laws stating they have to put the kids on our insurance. And now someone who shall remain nameless is busy procrastinating again. Or busy working. But BabyGirl is doing fine.

Both BabyBoy and BabyGirl will be adopted at the same time in just a few weeks. We were lucky in that our lawyer got the judge to waive all the homestudy stuff with BabyGirl since he already has BabyBoy's homestudy. They are siblings with the same BirthMom and BirthDad and same Foster/Adopt Mom and Foster/Adopt Dad. Now we are wondering who all to invite to the adoption finalization. Do you even invite people to this kind of thing? With mailed invitations or just a quick email? How many people is too many? Should we have a party afterwards? Do you include the birth parents?

Ahh, the BirthParents. Since I last wrote things went downhill, bad, then bounced back to their typical ways. Everything got to be too much for me to handle. They were calling 4 times per day, texting as much, and spending an hour each time on the phone. That was four hours of my day spent listening to them fight, cry, hint for money, food, phone to be turned on, electricity to be turned on, water to be turned on, transportation to and fro, etc. And then they got an eviction notice and wanted to come stay with us. So I didn't take their calls for 5 days. They called 16 times and texted 28 times (this all using a neighbor's phone!). A couple of the text were threats. When I didn't respond to threats they attempted to bribe with the potential of a new pregnancy. When that didn't work they tried luring me in with copies of photographs of BB and BG's first four siblings. And then they went back to threats. So on day 5 I text'd that I would have respectful conversations only and that they could not last very long as I had kids to parent and things to do and that we could not, at all, help them out financially at that time. Of course they went right back to calling multiple times per day, hinting and flat out asking for stuff, and ignoring all my attempts at setting boundaries.

We had a visit. When TheHusband goes to these visits, BirthDad suddenly decides he's too sick to come. When TheHusband isn't there, BirthDad makes inappropriate sexual remarks. Constantly. Even when my other kids are present. And they tell the kids to call them Mom and Dad, as if this is a coparenting deal (it's not). This whole time I've been adamant about keeping in contact with them for the kid's sake so that they could have a relationship and know where they came from, but now I'm beginning to think it would be more harmful than helpful to continue this situation.

The day before they were to be evicted, we took BabyBoy's last board payment of $200, which was only a partial anyway because of him being in an official adoptive placement now, and paid their lot rent for the week plus bought groceries and turned their phone on. It prevented them from being evicted. They still owe $200 plus now at the end of this week they'll have to add another $100 for lot rent that they are behind on. They still owe a couple of hundred to get caught up on their trailer payment. In order to get their electricity turned on, they have to pay $300. BirthMom lost her job because she didn't go back to work after having the baby. We felt we were doing the right thing, even if they were total strangers, we prevented them from sleeping on the streets for at least another week. I should mention that it was 9 degrees at night and below freezing during the day. They don't have heat because the person who gave them the kerosene heater apparently lent it without the owners permission AKA stole it and the rightful owner repo'd it. The gas heater that we gave them? They gave it away!

I looked around and found some job leads for them both. BirthMom called and got BirthDad an interview set up, then they called me asking for a ride. I couldn't because I had 3 places to be that day with three separate kids, hoping to get done in time to pick up the fourth kid after school. So of course he didn't go. It was a $9 an hour job with terrific benefits and after a while would have gone up to $12 an hour. It was a way to get out of the hell hole life they are living and he wouldn't even call a friend for a ride or gosh forbid walk.

I've already agreed to take BirthMom to the doctor next week so she can be cleared to return to work. And get more pain pills, of course. But 42 days after the adoption finalization, this shit stops.

I'll stop my complaining to say that they make beautiful babies and I'm very grateful that we have been allowed to parent two of them since their births. I feel truly blessed.

How I Make Money Fostering

The Board Payment breakdown:

BoardPayment $432

MINUS

Daycare $440

Oops we're already in the hole!

Sure, a CPS partner was supposed to pay half of the daycare amount, but never did. I put BabyBoy in daycare back in August of 2009 because I went to work, yes briefly, but then when I went back to staying at home full time I took him out. His SW said they would still pay for him to go halftime while I volunteered, so I took him back only two days per week. Every week I would pay my half of the fee and at the end of every month when CPS's partner hadn't paid their half, I would cover that too. So I paid $110 per week for BabyBoy to go only two days per week. And I wasn't bringing in any income to offset the costs. Every month I would ask the SW and she replied "I'll take care of it". Yet the next month would come and it wasn't taken care of. I emailed up the CPS food chain, then I called the CPS partner and finally they sent me a letter stating we were approved to have half his daycare cost covered during the month of December 2009 only. The SW said somehow they had the wrong SSN down and there was a mixup and yadda yadda she'll take care of it. Then we signed BabyBoy's adoption placement papers and the Board Payment stopped. During this same week, BB's sibling was born and we became her legal guardians. Suddenly we had to make some decisions.

BabyBoy has been on WIC so his formula has been covered for 22 months, but now we have to pay out of pocket. He is lactose intolerant so we're going to try the lactosefree milk instead of powdered formula since it is cheaper. BabyGirl though requires about $150 per month in formula. We had to buy her all new bottles separate from BabyBoys. They are both in diapers and both use wipes and butt cream. BabyGirl weighed only 4 pounds so we had to buy her preemie clothes. BabyBoy decided to turn into a chunk of lead overnight and required new pants and long sleeve shirts. His foot went from a size 6 to a size 8 in the month of December, so we bought new shoes. And of course we bought Christmas presents for 4 kids plus family and friends.

And then it wouldn't stop raining and our driveway washed out. The dishwasher door and microwave door stuck. The camera completely quit working. The computer got a virus. The van need parts not covered under warranty. The utility rates went up. It got cold so we had to buy gas to heat the house. The BirthParents needed a couple hundred dollars, some food, a heater, some kerosene, and transportation. Everyone got sick so we had copays, medication, and a good bit of medical cost due to a high deductible. And the lawyer fees started to roll in.

The Husband's income has been paying our bills just fine. Our house and van pays off completely in less than 4 years. There are no other big bills, just monthly costs like utilities and such. We've taken week long vacations to Disney, the beach, camping, and smaller trips to various parts of the US. The kids have expensive extracurricular activities, name brand clothing, and basically don't want for anything. But, I need to go to work. BabyGirl is only a couple of weeks old though and I wanted to be home with her to bond. Daycare for BabyGirl and BabyBoy would be $800 a month (slight discount given for multiple kids) which is just outrageous. We already budget closely, turn off lights and water when not in use, use coupons, check out movies from the library rather than go to the theater, buy second hand items or shop clearance racks, etc. but as our family grows, the economy worsens, and our savings dwindle (not retirement though the economy tanks that too, but referring to savings account funds) it seems I'll be a SAHM no more.

And before any trolls ask, Shadow's board payment goes into her savings account to buy her a car when she graduates so she can get in it and drive far FAR away from me.

Yep, us foster parents just rake in the money. /sarcasm

The Biggest I've Ever Seen

That's what the pediatric ENT said about The Daughter's tonsils. He said her tonsils and adenoids were both so large the they completely covered her airway and he didn't see how she was breathing at all. This is when she is well. When she is sick with Strep or whatever, it gets worse. She's been snoring like a freight train since birth, so for 6 years now. I wish we would have had them removed sooner.

Afterall all she had to do was breathe some Princess Perfume and go to sleep like Sleeping Beauty. First day she felt fine, ate well, minimal pain. Second day she asked for pain meds. Third day she couldn't get out of bed, too tired, and had high fever. Fourth day fever continued added with vomiting and ear pain. Currently awaiting doctor's instructions on further methods of treatment, may include trip to ER with 18 year old, 22 month old, and 2 week old in tow. In the snow.

Great fun.

But hey, if the temps stay low for another day or so, we might be able to ice skate in the pool!

Y2K a decade too late

Our computer got infected. Seems it was off gallivanting without the use of condoms or something. The Husband got me a laptop for Christmas but it doesn't have a place for a phone cord. Guess we're the only people on the face of the planet still using dialup. Tried to get cable but they came out and deemed us "unserviceable". Then they sent us a bill for our first month's installation. Got to love it.

I drove far away to take The Daughter to a special expensive doctor one day last week and as soon as we got home BabyBoy's daycare called to say he had a fever of 103. I had just picked him up when BirthParents rang my phone. She started in asking me for a loan so they could go buy a heater and some groceries. I asked about the gas heater and groceries we just gave them the day before and she said they needed more. At that point I decided enough was enough and told her that I was too f'ing busy to have this conversation because I was dealing with a sick kid. Then of course she asked about the kids and became concerned chastising me for not already being at the doc's office. Took him to the doc and he has Strep. Got motrin and antibiotic and texted her neighbor's cell back that he was on his way to getting better. She called immediately, of course, saying how odd it was that he got strep at such a young age. You know because 2 years old is too young to get sick with anything. I told BirthMom that I needed to get off the phone and she asked what I would do if they had another baby "not that anything has happened!" Holy shit. It's been two weeks. This will be kidlet number 7 for them. Then she volunteered to come babysit my other kids while TheDaughter has surgery next week. Umm, hell no.

I didn't answer my phone or texts for three days. She called about 6 or 7 times per day and texted several times per day as well. All from different neighbor's phones because they don't have the money to turn theirs on. Boundaries schmoundaries.

TheCheerleader text'd me recently. Her family has been letting her down again. Christmas she had nowhere to go. Maternal Grandparents went out of town and wouldn't let her go, Paternal Grandparents said she was too late for their event, Mom got liquored up and couldn't be found. Dad in prison. She is making poor decisions.

Shaodw is Shadow. Fetal Alcohol Effects? I don't know and we still haven't heard from her SW. It's been two months and nothing ... no homevisits, no ISP, no ILP, no doctor appointments, no counseling, no sibling visits. I'm beyond furious.

BabyBoy's SW didn't come out for a homevisit in Dec so she had her friend come instead. This SW was the last one for The Cheerleader. She has filled in for BabyBoy's worker once before. She is nosy and seriously pro-CPS and I don't care for her too much. She came out and started asking about BabyGirl and The Cheerleader and other kids that aren't in the system anymore therefore shouldn't be any of her damn business. She even asked what The Daughter's case plan was. I can't wait until this shit is finalized so I don't have to see any of these people in my home ever again.

Speaking of which, CPS didn't drop their petition on BabyGirl like they were supposed to when our lawyer filed for adoption. They lied. Big shocker. So now things may get interesting again.

BabyGirl's umbilical cord fell off today. BirthParent's accused me of not cleaning it properly as they felt it should have already fallen off. They judge my parenting skills a lot. BabyBoy has sensitive skin and has this cream prescribed by the pediatrician but BirthDad accused me of scratching his back and bum. Like I had abused him.

Speaking of abuse, when we signed the adoption papers for BabyBoy, we got to have the information on the other kids pick ups and such. BirthDad was beating them, bruises documented with photographs, putting one's head in the toilet and flushing repeatedly, giving them drugs and alcohol, leaving them unsupervised for long periods of time. Details that I hadn't heard until then and it was unnerving.

But when they get on their feet, they are going to help us buy diapers and formula. Until they get on their feet though, would I go turn on their electricity and phone and buy them some groceries? They'll pay me back ... when they get on their feet.

BirthMom said "Can I call you tomorrow?" and I replied "No, I'll be busy doing XYZ and taking care of ABC and then LMNOP." but I bet she calls anyway. And I won't answer 'cause I'm mean like that.

So I've been pissy. You?