Birth Parent Drama

Internally I flip flop about contact with the Birth Parents, but externally I stick to my guns about remaining open. Obviously the situation isn't perfect. They kept taking and I kept giving. They kept violating boundaries that I tried to set, and I suppose I let them. Yes, the whole thing was difficult for everyone involved, but damnit I wanted it to work.

A few weeks ago the Birth Dad said he had to walk away but to let Birth Mom keep seeing the kids. Then Birth Dad proceeded to ask me for money, transportation, food, etc. I complied. Birth Mom thought she was pregnant so I took her to the OBGYN and Birth Dad went along. He was adamant about not wanting to visit with the kids but they were sitting right next to him in the vehicle. So he wore his Ipod and turned it loud enough to drown out the van's radio. He also muttered obscenities and said things about not letting anyone have any more of his kids. For the first time since meeting them two years ago, I was physically afraid of him. He was angry and pushed Birth Mom. Birth Dad was verbally combative with me. I hated that the kids were witnessing it. Then when I took them home, Birth Dad kept calling BabyBoy "son" and telling him "daddy loves you". I was too scared to say anything. So it was decided that we wouldn't have any more visits unless Darwin could also attend. Birth Dad doesn't come to visits when Darwin arrives with me to pick them up.

One day when I was for sure going to be able to make the drive to take her food and gas money to get back to the OBGYN again, because again she thought she was pregnant, it snowed. I refused to go down our mountain, up her mountain, and then the same in reverse just to take her $20 and some soup. I told her I would put the money in the mail since the postal system is braver than I.

Then, a horrible stomach virus swept through our household, one person at a time, ensuring that someone was sick every single day for a week. During this time Birth Mom wanted me to bring her food and money. I meant to but was busy vomiting, ass pissing, or cleaning up someone else's vomit and ass piss. And because I was so busy doing this, I forgot to put a twenty in the mail. So Birth Mom didn't go to her OBGYN appointment because I didn't give her gas money. Basically if she gets pregnant now, it's all my fault because she was going to get the BC shot if she wasn't already preggers. For the record, I felt bad about not following through. I hate when I forget something. I typically write everything down so that I don't forget, but being sick just took a lot out of us all and I fucked up.

The Daughter had some eye issues and while at the ophthalmologist the BirthParents called and text'd several times. Then we went to PreOp where they called and texted some more. They knew we had all been sick and that the kids went to my parents while I was in the thick of the virus myself. They knew we had that doctor appointment in another city. They knew my parents were watching the other kids that day. But they called. And texted. And I got frustrated. So when we got to the parking lot I called them back and told them how I felt about a lot of stuff. I should mention that Birth Mom is back to working and received a paycheck the same day she skipped out on her OBGYN appointment. She claimed that she didn't have enough money left over from her paycheck to pay someone gas money to take her to the doctor. But they turned their phone back on and bought cigarettes and other things of importance to them. I knew that I shouldn't have told her how I really felt. I knew it made them mad. I knew they would lash out. I just didn't expect they would be so vicious and unstable.

The next day BirthMom asked for some food. I said I would bring her the food that I had already purchased for them. She called back saying she would meet me in a city near me. Then she called and said she could just come here! I said I was already on my way to neutral city. She said they were going there with a neighbor who was going for a job interview. Then turned out his interview was the next day. Then turned out he was promised that I would give him gas money for bringing them to meet me. I was just going to go to their place ... they were manipulating the situation. I told them I couldn't do a visit but they wanted a visit anyway. They got in the van with the kids. I was forced to do a short visit. Everyone was friendly and I thought we parted on good terms. Except then they tried to follow me and I had to evade via a long route through the boondocks before going home.

The day after that while BirthMom was away, BirthDad sent a text saying not only is he going to walk away but now he is making BirthMom walk away too. He said he doesn't know why BirthMom keeps asking me for things (he asks as much as she does!) but that he is putting a stop to it BY GETTING A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME. He told me that I better change my cell and home number so BirthMom can't contact me. He said if I try to contact them, go to the fast food location where BirthMom works, or send them mail that he will have me arrested. I didn't reply to the text right away because we were having BabyBoy's birthday party. When I did reply BirthMom had no idea what was going on, so I forwarded her his text.

She took up for him saying he is depressed. He is sad about loosing his mom and uncle all in the past couple of years. He is worried about their living situation and not being able to get anyone to help him get to a job (I've given him the info about 2 separate interviews, neither of which he attended). Besides, he thinks that I don't want them to see the kids because the last couple of things have fallen through. They seemed to have forgotten about the day before. They also seemed to forget about all the other things we've done for them and all the other twice weekly visits we've had. But it is my fault and that's why he threatened me with a restraining order ... because he thought I didn't want him to see the kids. The kids I just let him see the day before. So then they asked for a visit and I said I would only come if they promised not to have me arrested for showing up in violation of this alleged restraining order.

Next day BirthDad texts me saying he is going to call and report me to CPS for leaving his kids with people that do drugs just because I've got the shits. I reply that my parents don't do drugs. He calls me a liar. I explain, again, about my childhood and how my parents aren't like that anymore and haven't been since the 80s. He says he will call CPS and report me over and over until HIS KIDS are moved. He says he knows I've had a kid taken from me before. I replied that I have not but that he is welcomed to call CPS as they know all about my childhood and are all up in our business now as well. He goes on and on with threats. I called CPS and my lawyer.

Silence for two days.

Then BirthDad sent a text LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. He basically said he was putting the kids on his insurance because he starts work the following week. And BirthMom sent a text saying they were talking about seeing the kids. She told me again that he got a job and how excited they were. Then they called and called and called. They called the cell. They called the house. Over and over and over. Both my lawyer and CPS advised me to not answer and not reply, so I didn't.

I understand that the situation was hard emotionally on the birthparents, but it didn't have to go down like this. They could have asked me to stop sending updates and setting up visits without so much drama. Sad situation. I did tell them how I will do my best to raise the kids well and to let them know how much BirthParents love and care for them. I also said that if they change their minds in the future and figure out a way to be okay with visits, that I will be open to that. Maybe they just need time to sort it all out. Or maybe she is pregnant and they wanted to sever contact with me so they could leave the state untraced and keep one of their kids. I don't know, but I was really hoping for an open relationship for the kids sake though I did wonder at times if it was really in their best interest. Now the decision has been made. By them.