Shadow started school, thankfully, and now I can breathe again. It only took a full week of hounding the school system before they let her begin classes. Going from a block schedule to a 7 period schedule is apparently very complicated. Add in the fact that she hadn't been to school at all for the two weeks she was living with the person prior to here and that she has attended 3 separate high schools before moving here and you've got yourself a bag of mess.
I was told that Shadow has been in foster care for 2 years, she was an average student and didn't have any problems. I was told she was being moved because the woman needed to care for her 80 year old mother. But when I began to ask about specific placements and things didn't add up, it became apparent that there was more to the story. The normal worker, who only works part time anyway, is out on maternity leave so her supervisor is in charge. The supervisor of course doesn't know all the history of the case because she hasn't been doing hands-on work with this family. And in typical CPS fashion, there have been multiple workers on the case with no reason given for lack of consistency. With all of this, it has been hard to track down tangible information. Of course I'm not allowed to see or read her file myself to find out the truth.
Turns out she has been in foster care IN THIS COUNTY for two years but that doesn't count relative placements or time in other counties. The truth is that she has been in care since she was 5 years old. First in another county, then with her sister's grandparents, then in a home in this county, followed by a group home, a foster home in another county, back to this county, and finally here with us.
The "average student" can't pass the grad exam, doesn't understand what she reads, and was in the process of failing a Personal Finance class at her old school. She wants to get a debit card for her bank account because she can't figure out how to balance a checkbook. She has no idea how to budget or what foods to buy at the grocery store in order to save money. She wants to go to college and major in music yet she can't play a musical instrument. With that degree she wants to be a wedding planner so that she can "help two people find true love". Like in the movie with Jennifer Lopez. The only college she will consider is an all women's religious college that is extremely hard to get into.
The supervisor didn't know specifically why Shadow was moved from the local foster home and whoever the worker was back then isn't sharing the info either. I can't call and ask the foster parents due to "confidentiality rules". But from hearing the stories Shadow has told me, it was because there was a houseful of teens and they behaved wildly. After a month or two of living there, Shadow was moved into a group home. The foster parent requested she go to a group home. That should tell you something ... it's a warning sign. Their curfew was 10 but after midnight they were still sitting in the driveway making out. The foster mom caught them on top of one another. But Shadow is pure, her purity ring says so, she is married to God. And she'll only go to Christian Doctors. She didn't think it was funny when I said "This is the south, they are all christian doctors. The smart ones go north."
So she went to a newly forming group home and lived with some barely 20 year old, super religious, highly procreating house parents. The supervisor said Shadow's time in the group home went fine and that she moved up through the tiers and "graduated" and therefore needed to move. Yet Shadow tells of stories of being grounded, having her door removed from her bedroom, and beating a girl to a bloody pulp. She actually asked me what would happen to her while living here if she were to "give someone the beat down". I'm hoping the look I gave her said annihilation.
The house parents had left the group home by the time Shadow graduated, and she wanted to go live with them even though they were out of county, so it was arranged and that is where she lived for a year. She complains about how strict they were yet doesn't seem to understand when I ask her why she wanted to live with them if they were so horrible. I mean she had 6 months with them in the group home so she knew what they were like.
The supervisor said she was moved from that foster family because she was fighting with her sister and they told Shadow she had to apologize or move out. She refused to give in and therefore had to move. The sister had just moved in with them a few weeks prior, so there had supposedly been peace up until that point. As an aside, AFTER Shadow moved in here, the supervisor also said that the foster mom felt that Shadow was attracted to the foster dad. This is another warning sign.
The day Shadow moved in, the supervisor called and said her Psych Eval report was in and she has ADD and Depression. They had no real reason why she wasn't tested before. Shadow mentioned that the house parent / foster parent complained that Shadow was bipolar and couldn't attach to anyone. The foster parent had allegedly told this to Shadow's counselor. The counselor is of course involved in the whole CPS program, meaning they are underpaid and many aren't worth a crap and wouldn't know RAD if it walked up and sat in their lap.
But she didn't move from that home with her sister straight into our home, oh no, that would make too much sense. Instead she was placed with an older single woman who was currently going through GPS classes. I agree that Shadow needs to be in a single parent, female headed home with no other children, but I think this needs to be an experienced foster parent not one who doesn't enroll the kid in school and instead lets her sit at home on the computer/phone/tv all day. Just as the woman graduated GPS class, she SUDDENLY decided that her 80 year old mama was, get this, old! and needed to be taken care of. So darn, she needed Shadow to git out, no offense. That lady told Shadow that she was moving to be closer to her mom, who lives 5 miles down the road, yet she hasn't moved and hasn't turned in her foster parent license. Another warning sign. When something smells fishy, it usually is ...
So Shadow moved in a week ago Monday and within the first few hours we could tell she wasn't like the typical teen in foster care. She comes across more like a 12 year old, not an 18 year old. She doesn't have a concept of personal space. When talking to you, she gets right beside you. If you say "I'm going to the bathroom to blow my nose. Be right back." She will take that as an invitation to join you in booger spelunking. She is overly affectionate, has no boundaries, and walked right through our bedroom without knocking and went into our bathroom to ask The Husband (haven't decided on new name yet) some completely unimportant question. He was so shocked that he immediately told me to never leave him alone with her. Well, I thought he was safe from her behind two CLOSED doors leading to our private space, but obviously not. She is boy crazy in a stalker kind of way. Not a flirty, normal teenage hormone kind of way. I mean she sees a boy across the room and within a few minutes she has concocted their whole life together. She writes lengthy love letters to boys from her old school that she says have told her that they are just friends, have girlfriends even, but she is in love with them anyway and is "giving them another chance". At dinner the other night she and The Husband were the only two who ate tartar sauce so she excitedly announced "OMG! We have so much in common! We both like tartar sauce! And we both like sour cream! That is soooooo weird! I can't believe how much we have in common!" She looked at The Husband with adoring eyes and he replied "Yep, that's weird all right." I almost snorted soda out of my nose.
I thought some of this quirkiness might be due to being sheltered so I encouraged her to make friends. Last week I told her that I would take her and drop her off at the movies so that she could be around other people her own age. She wasn't interested then. I said that when she wasn't going to school and I really just wanted her to get away from me. But she apparently took that to mean we don't have limits/boundaries/rules because she has been saying "I'm going to the movies this weekend to see New Moon." although she never asked permission. Nor did she ask for a ride or money to pay her way. She also said "When you get time I want to go to the salon and get my ears pierced again." as if she doesn't need to ask permission to get her ears pierced again. Shadow is so socially awkward it is painful. She tries to make friends by telling everyone that she is loosing her hair, pulling her hair for show, and then laughing maniacally. We were talking about introducing boys to parents and she said if I would tell her what to say that she could be practicing it, but otherwise she had no clue where to start. It's like nothing she says is her own thoughts and words, but is instead things other people have said or told her to say and she practices so that she can repeat them with conviction. Almost like she takes movie quotes and pieces them together to make conversation because she doesn't know how on her own. And then out of nowhere, she spouts off the most interesting random facts, which have all turned out to be true ... I looked them up to make sure.
Oh, and there is the OCD like tendency to clean certain things. Don't worry, I'm totally not complaining about that quirk. But she has said "I really NEED to vacuum that ladybug that is under your chair." When I told her to leave it alone, she kept pacing and staring at the ladybug while talking about ladybugs ad nauseum.
She is either a brilliant actor or she is undiagnosed. I would ask to have her tested but I'm not sure what for. Maybe extremely mild autism?
has been out forever people stop trying to get extra money for it. This is our Date Night or Movie Night whichever applies.
, Shallow Hal
, The Astronaut Farmer
,Daddy Day Care
, and Sex and the City
which should really be labeled soft porn.
is for you. It's a faster read than An Unquiet Mind
, that's for sure.
. I loved it so much that I now try and read everything she writes. So when I was shelving books a couple of weeks ago and noticed What Looks LIke Crazy On an Ordinary Day
, I had to check it out. Of course it was great, and seems this was actually her first novel so maybe you should start with it if you’re interested in reading about strong female characters. The best part is they not only entertain, but educate. The following lists from the book cover everything we attempt to teach the teenagers we foster (minus the religious thing):
A leaky toilet repair revealed a mold problem which lead to a leaky and/or sweating pipe that had rotted a support beam underneath the house meaning a simple $20 fix turned into a several hundred dollar three-week-long job. The result? New Italian tile in the master bathroom, compliments of The Husband. Thank you. I've never had anything so fancy. Usually I just buy the cheapest linoleum remnant that somewhat matches and throw it down. But now? There is tile from ITALY on the floor in the bathroom. Next time I get a 24 hour upchuck virus I'll get to rest my sweaty throbbing head on cool beautiful tile and think happy thoughts about frolicking through Italy sipping Chianti.
book:
, because it didn't. That beautiful mound of snow white mashed potatoes with the sunset yellow pat of butter at the end? Not even in the movie. What a travesty.
were to really tell the truth, Iris's brother then probably shared the virus with mom and/or dad and probably half the class at school. Because that's what is happening at The Daughter's school right now ... a bunch of students out sick. BabyBoy's daycare class is sharing stomatitis. Kids are so nice! 
