Soccer Season

Happy Birthday Bella

Today is Bella's birthday. She turns 4. We all miss her and hope she is having a wonderful birthday party with her Nana and siblings.

Many people say "I care too much" or "I get too attached to kids" as a reason for not fostering. It's as if they are saying that those of us who foster don't care enough or don't get attached, which just isn't true. We do care and we do get attached and it does hurt when the children leave and go home. Home being with whatever family member is stable at that time. Our goal is always to reunify and I fully support this, especially in Bella's case where she has a willing and loving paternal Grandma and a brother and sister to grow up with, but it is still hard.

Every time that Under My Umbrella song comes on the radio, we think of Bella. Her mother's boyfriend taught her the lyrics to that song and she thought it was just for her. Every time we pass her daycare, we think of her. And especially today, knowing it is her birthday but not knowing how she is doing, we are thinking of her. I can still hear her asking me if I was her new mom now. I can still remember her not understanding that I wasn't coming back to her Nana's house to pick her back up, that she was staying there forever. I can still see her taking out her hairbow while at her Nana's house and then running over to me while saying "I've gotta give this to momma."

Happy Birthday Bella!

Love,
Your [former foster] Momma

Women's Equality Day

We didn't get the right to vote until 1920. In 2009 we're still only making .78 cents to a man's dollar. Is this equality?

Lightning Bolt

As you may recall during one of our movie nights, we watched the movie Bolt. Apparently it made a bigger impression on The Daughter than I realized. Recently she drew this picture of the cat swimming, holding onto Bolt's leash while the hamster runs in his little ball right next to Bolt. The green squiggly death ray looking lines is some kind of super power coming out of Bolt's eyes, but I can't remember enough details from the movie to recall what it is called. The kids though, they remember everything.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But You Can't Make Him Drink

Homevisit #17

Homevisit #17 was a no show. BabyBoy's worker didn't come out and didn't call, but sent word through The Cheerleader's worker that she would contact me later to reschedule. I'm already antsy about his case, haven't been able to get replies to emails or phone calls, and then she didn't show up so I got worried. After waiting for two weeks then consulting with another foster parent and someone at the state level, I decided to send one more email and copy it to supervisors all the way up the food chain. It worked. She called back within 30 minutes of my sending the email.

Turns out, she is busy. The baby factory has a quota to meet and so far they are way behind. Sorry, I'm jaded now.

So guess what? They are sending out a new worker! Yippee, Skippy. Not his intake worker, not his first worker that was with him for the first year of his life, and not his adoption worker, but someone else who is unrelated to this case but now gets to read all about us. I'll update when the visit is over.

***UPDATE: the worker came out, introduced herself, asked how old BabyBoy was, said he was cute, looked around the house, then left. was here 10 minutes tops.***

Via phone BabyBoy's adoption worker finally updated me on his case. She said even though they changed the wording on the ISP from "adoption by current foster family" to "adoption no identified resource" in haste ... jumping to conclusions and without asking The Husband where he stood in the matter ... they still won't change it back until he is stateside and they have met with him in person. You know because all the other times they've met him over the past several years (that we've been APPROVED BY THEM foster parents), he must have been an impostor and they have yet to meet the real The Husband. Ridiculous!

Oh, and before they said if The Husband didn't agree to the adoption then I could still adopt BabyBoy if we divorced and I had a job showing my financial stability separate from The Husband. Then I got a job. Now that he has called them up on the phone to tell them that he is on board with the adoption, they are telling me that if we get divorced I loose BabyBoy no matter what because it shows instability and they can't leave him in that environment. Never mind that The Husband has been traveling for work, hardly home since August 2008. Never mind that The Husband has been out of the freaking country since, well, total it will be 7 months when he gets back. Never mind that I've been single parenting the kids without any problems. I had a 17 year old, 5 year old, 3 year old, and 1 year old and did great, wanted another even. Never mind that I did everything they asked of me, showed my stability in all the ways they required, etc. It doesn't fucking matter.

And, drum roll please, they won't place any other children in my home right now because it might cause the preadoptive placement to disrupt. Yeah, like I'm gonna renege on the 17 month old son that I've had since he was 2 days old but keep the other kid they place which may be a handful. Good grief. They said it is "standard procedure" to not call about placements while a child is in the process of being adopted due to the potential for elevated stress levels. I'll tell ya what elevates my stress levels ... idiotic bureaucratic archaic nepotistic incompetent dishonest workers.

***UPDATE: they called today about a placement. was two kids from a disruption and they couldn't find anyone to take them. guess they will call when they have no other option.***

Being the rebel that I am, I decided to go ahead with monthly visits with BabyBoy's birth parents. It's all hush hush though. On the down low. Secret spy squirrelly shit. I've been warned that I wasn't allowed to do this, especially not now while he is in foster care but also not later after he is adopted. I've been so afraid of the system that I have been 100% compliant, only sending pictures and letters to the birth parents through a third party without a return address or identifying information. Now though, I can't help it if we somehow by complete coincidence end up eating at the same restaurant. Oops. I can't help it if we end up shopping at the same grocery store. Oops. Too much time is passing while the system lets BabyBoy linger in care and he is missing out on getting to know them and they are missing out on getting to know him. Enough.

***CLARIFICATION: BabyBoy's parents saw him in the hospital (obviously), and at two court dates but that is all ... until now.***

Who's Your Baghdaddy?

Party Time

Feliz Cumpleanos Mi Princessa


Another year, another princess party. Just another one of those things I said I would never do as a parent - no disposable diapers, no formula, no junk food, no soda, no spanking, no cry it out, no pink, no dresses, no frills, no fairy tale themed puke inducing princess party. So, while I eat crow, everyone else will be having cake.

Happy 6th Birthday

My baby girl turned 6 today. I stayed up all last night baking a 4 layered cake decorated like a castle and topped with a castle candle. Pictured is the candle.



Tomorrow is the party. The first birthday party that her father will miss, but most likely not the last. Everyone else will circle the wagons to make her feel loved and special. I can not believe it's been six years since that little 8lb 10oz 22inch long bundle of highly sensitive, not eating well, hardly sleeping, bundle of joy was cut out of me. Has it really been that long? Guess I should probably loose the baby weight then, huh.

Peaches and Cream

Peaches and Cream
Peaches and Cream
Whats the matter with the other team
I don't know
Nothing at all
They just can't play basket ball

That cheer/chant has nothing really to do with my post except for it rhymes with the name of a horse that I want to purchase. She is quite possibly the most beautiful horse ever and she is well traveled. She made the trip over to the mainland and now her owner is moving and they are selling rather than move her again. She is beautiful and less than 10k. Great with younger kids, quiet, gentle, adjusts well. She jumps in good form but hasn't competed.

As kids, my sister and I always wanted a horse. We begged every year especially at Christmas time, agreeing to settle on a Shetland pony or even a mule, anything so long as it breathed and neighed and we could ride it (get your mind out of the gutter - we were kids!). Over the years as dad had different interests, we had pigs, turkeys and goats but never a horse. Whatever he was interested in, he got, from motorcycles to four wheelers to boats to satellite tv (back when the dish was as big as a car) but he never wanted a horse. One year though he decided that we kids could have a horse each. We were beyond ecstatic. In our Christmas card that year was a $100 bill and dad signed it "with love, dad". It was the first time he had ever given us a card or that much money but it was even more special since he had written in the card with his own handwriting. Dad only finished something like the 6th grade so his spelling and handwriting are even worse than mine (grammar too), if you can imagine that. Anyway, we went to the cattle sale place to buy us a pony. That's where reality smacked us square in the face. You couldn't buy a load of chicken shit for $100 much less a horse. A few years later we used the money to buy the super dee dooper brand new on the market Nintendo with Super Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt. I still long for a horse of my own.

It came as no surprise then, when The Daughter started asking for a horse. I made her read books and research and realize the enormous care and cost associated with owning a horse, but she persisted. I thought maybe Grandma and PawPaw would relent and buy the grandkids a horse, you know from feeling all that parental guilt for not buying their own kids a horse. So far though, they haven't, and seeing as how my mom about had a stroke when I told her how much riding lessons cost per month, she'd probably follow through with dying if she found out how much an actual prize winning horse cost (think brand new vehicle range and up). I gently suggested maybe she just buy the jodhpurs and paddock boots for The Daughter's birthday, knowing full well she'll storm out of the Tractor Supply store saying she can find them there things cheaper over at the Dollar Store. She can't. They be 'spensive too.

Don't think I'm hatin on my parents or being a spoiled brat who expects mucho dinero from mi familia. They initially wanted to pay for the lessons (probably out of guilt for never getting us lessons for riding or playing an instrument or doing anything really). They have a fenced area with a barn on 12 acres of land. They have everything they own paid for. They recently went to buy a bigger tractor because they aren't happy with the one they just bought a couple of years ago and were turned down for credit even though they have no debit, excellent credit rating, and steady sufficient income, so they just paid cash. Then they went and bought a bigger truck to haul their bigger tractor, and paid cash. Then they needed a bigger trailer to fit the bigger tractor which they would haul behind their bigger truck, and paid cash. And there is enough cash right now stuffed in the curtain rods at their house to buy Peaches and Cream, but that's their OhMyGodTheEconomyJustImplodedAndICan'tGetTheMoneyOutOfTheBank funds. There's more in the gun safes (yes, plural) which is right next to the 10 year supply of canned food (not kidding) and the lifetime supply of ammo.

If I can't have Peaches and Cream* then I might have to take up riding lessons myself, just so I can ride her. Or buy that Cannon 50D so I can take lots and lots of pictures of her. Or win the lottery so I can do both.

*not her real name

First Day of First Grade

This is the only picture from this morning that doesn't show her beautiful face. She was so excited to be starting school again. A new school! A new teacher! New friends! Learning new things! She was literally bouncing around with enthusiasm. I painted her toenails blue to match her dress. Then I drove her to school where she insisted that I drop her off at the door and not walk her in to the room like the other parents were doing. My baby girl is growing up. Me, not so much.

I kept thinking maybe I should have walked her inside anyway, just to make sure she made it to the bathroom okay. She really had to go and it would be so embarrassing to have an accident on the first day of school. This is a new school for her because kindergarten was a whole building by itself with 400 students. This is 1st thru 4th with 1600 students. Even I get lost in this school. Okay, I get lost everywhere but I'm directionally challenged. She wanted to get breakfast but then decided to find the bathroom instead. I hope she didn't have an accident. I hope she remembers how to get to her classroom. I hope she remembers to give the teacher her lunch money. I hope she remembers her lunch number. I hope no big kids bother her. I hope she makes it through the whole day without loosing her shit. Me, I'm crying like a baby.

Scholarships for Foster Kids

Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA)

Nationa Foster Parent Association Scholarships

Orphan Foundation of America

Foster Care to Success

American Indian College Fund Scholarships

Western Michigan University Foster Youth and Higher Education Initiative

Massachusetts' Foster Child Tuition Waiver Program

Horatio Alger Association

Jim Casey Youth

Arizona's Friends of Foster Children Foundation

Dave Thomas Foundation

Washington's Governor Scholarship

New Jersey Foster and Adoptive Family Services

Children's Action Network

Discover Card Scholarship open to anyone, not just kids in foster care

Casey Family Programs resources for foster care youth and alumni

State Sponsored Education Training Vouchers ETV

More state by state informational resources including tribal information

Three Little Words

73 child welfare administrators
44 child welfare caseworkers
19 foster parents
23 attorneys
17 psychologist, psychiatrists, and therapist
5 Guardian ad Litem staff
4 judges
4 court personnel
3 abuse registry workers
2 primary caseworkers
1 Guardian ad Litem

There is absolutely no excuse for what Ashley Rhodes-Courter had to go through in the foster care system. Achieving permanency shouldn't be so elusive, falling through the cracks shouldn't be so common place, and stability with proper caring treatment shouldn't be so hard for children to find. Unfortunately, her story is similar to far too many children in the system. A system that is supposed to protect the kids and do what is in the best interest of the children. Reading Three Little Words makes me even more determined to DO SOMETHING. I have to speak up more in court. I have to report workers who are negligent and incompetent. I have to be the squeaky wheel to the GALs and the SW and the Judges and everybody else who never seem to give a rats ass. I know there are bad foster parents out there, but I was shocked and appalled at the atrocious things Marjorie Moss did to children in her care. Even more disgusted at the way the agency/department/cps turned a blind eye to her abuse and neglect of the children. Where are the people who do the right thing because it's the right thing to do? I may loose my license in the process, but I can't bite my tongue any longer.

Oh, by the way, if you haven't already, you should read this book!

Wordless Wednesday: A Day at the Beach

More wordless here, here, and here.

Oh look a new post

A bulleted list because I don't have the energy for anything more at the moment.

• took The Cheerleader to yet again another medical appointment 2 hours one way, she got sick and puked all the way home
• i had diarrhea all the way home
• got home, got her taken care of and went off to foster parent association meeting
• the speaker i had scheduled was knowledgeable but assumed we knew everything so went through the material too fast, didn't have enough handouts, and the ones she did have weren't about the topic of the presentation
• took the kids to chuck e cheese and school shopping
• decided to leave BabyBoy with my parents next time as his hyperactivity is worse but at least his head banging has lessened
  
• spent a week at the beach
• cost almost as much as a week at Disney
• teenager stayed out til 1:30am and i couldn't find her
• was supposed to be on beach getting seashells, came back without seashells
• turns out she was with a boy
• she already had her cell taken away (by the SW) and was grounded from going with friends (by me) so her punishment was to have to stay by my side the rest of the trip (oh, the torture)
• had one mixed drink each day with lunch, didn't realize until day 4 that medication bottle says "no alcohol"
• about that same time i got a fire burning feeling in my stomach that still hasn't gone away - suspect ulcer
  
• had seafood every day for every meal, not only did price go up but food quality went down
  
• way down
• 5 year old got food poison eating fried squid - puked forcefully for a couple of hours and was then fine except for diarrhea
  
• the diarrhea was on the drive home, good times
• did i mention that i had diarrhea and a queasy stomach on the drive out to the beach and then again on the drive home
  
• i ordered calamari which is normally little rubber band shaped things that if cooked properly aren't too chewy, but this time we got half a plate of those plus half a plate of babies with tentacles and bodies and presumably ink and that is what the 5 year old ate and later puked up. i only ate the rubber bands.
• global etna insurance sucks ass
  
• the only thing worse than their coverage is their customer service
• BabyBoy's worker isn't returning phone calls or emails and The Cheerleader's worker is being evasive about a homevisit which they normally do together - very worried
• only 4 more months of this deployment to go
• as soon as we got back from the beach, i had to run the foster parent back to school pool party
• it rained and stormed and was lighting
• i wasn't given contact phone numbers nor did i know if they would reschedule or reimburse our money, turns out they won't
  
• i was also told the incorrect time and it was in the newsletter wrong but seems everyone that showed up got the memo for the correct time which was earlier, so i was late according to them, and on time according to the time that was advertised
• i looked like the worst in-charge person ever
• and then we were notified that the kid's area wasn't paid for, even though i was told it was and that the newsletter said it was
• so for the last 30 minutes a foster parent went ahead and paid the $110.00 to rent the kid's area in addition to the pool
• neither the association president who planned the event, nor the treasurer who supposedly paid for the event, have returned my calls
• the treasurer didn't show up on the day of the event to pay for the pizza or the ice, so i had to use my own funds to pay and hopefully will be reimbursed
• i am tired of taking the fall for them
• The Cheerleader is doing 4 hour long in-home visits with a Grandparent and will be going to live there soon
• very glad a family member finally stepped up for her, she needed someone in her family to want her
  
• i've not received a placement call since all that shit happened with BabyBoy's case
• there have been roughly 20 pick ups per month, some being placed out of county, yet they don't call me
• tired of being treated like i can't parent on my own, like without The Husband, I am incompetent as a foster parent when it has always been me doing the bulk of this anyway
• after several months of regular on-time menstrual cycles, this past one was wonky
• i'm having to take iron pills again and prick my finger (glucose monitor) several times per day as the fatigue is debilitating and the every 30 minute urination overwhelming - doc apt soon
• yearly review this week, got extra paperwork to fill out this year, stuff i've never seen before
• the woman who comes out to do these, is the one who sent the copy of my grandmother's prayer request to her church, to cps ... so as you can guess, i'm not too happy about being around her
• BabyBoy can now climb out of the babybed, take off his own diaper, smear poop everywhere, say "sister, PawPaw, Grandma, sky, light", and has started hitting people
• while at the beach, he liked to drink the salt water and jumped into the pool twice without an adult and without a float
• The Daughter turns 6 soon
• starts 1st grade even sooner
• lawnmower has flat tire
• must go take mini nap now, very tired