The New Girl is leaving us

Court sucked. I've never had a foster kid's relative act like The New Girl's paternal grandma. That's saying a lot because BabyBoy's birth dad threatened violence and actually followed through with it on other individuals.

Court started bright and early and since we didn't get called, I just assumed we were near the end of the docket, but oh no it was because the paternal Gma's lawyer hadn't shown up. I got to hear paternal grandma say nasty things about me for 3 hours before the lawyer showed up and she finally figured out I was the foster parent. Such fun!

I was disappointed that nobody had read The New Girl's case file. They kept getting the date wrong for when she came into care. They couldn't keep facts straight. They had to look at the paper to say her name. I just wanted to scream SHE IS A THREE YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL, PLEASE CARE ENOUGH TO READ ABOUT HER CASE.

The paternal Gma's lawyer lied to misled the judge and since everyone else hadn't read the file, they just went with it. It was frustrating to watch. The first misleading was that she told the judge that paternal grandma's house was a CPS approved home when in fact she had an open case for neglect on other children in her care. The case was open for over 2 years! The second misleading was the paternal grandma's lawyer said that the paternal grandma had "practically raised" The New Girl when in fact she only saw her sporadically. The New Girl knows who she is, but has never lived with her and doesn't know her as well as she knows her maternal grandma who, by the way, has been working her case plan fabulously.

The birth mom's boyfriend was there and he was also disgusted with the way court was going. The paternal grandma kept calling The New Girl "my baby". She is one of those loud showy people who like to get right up in your face. Yeah, I didn't care for her. The maternal grandma's lawyer was court appointed therefore sucked so the paternal grandma got The New Girl. I only hope that they attempt to get along well enough for The New Girl to have visits with both sides of her family. She needs to keep in contact with the people who actually have raised her since birth.

During the ISP meeting afterwards I asked that The New Girl be required to keep her medical appointments for such things as getting her cavities filled and her skin condition looked at, and that she be enrolled in a quality preschool program near the paternal grandma's home. The New Girl is so horribly behind her peers and needs consistent intensive help catching up. I have no idea if the paternal grandma will follow through, but I hope she will provide The New Girl with the stability, structure, and guidance that she so desperately needs. Its obvious that she is loved by many, which is so nice to see.

Goodbye Bella. Watching you and TheDaughter play together filled my heart with joy. We will miss you and think of you every time we hear your song on the radio.

Since You've Been Gone

We've had three Tball games, a gymnastics end-of-year performance that The Daughter cried over, twice, a volunteer appreciation tea that I missed because I was at an appointment with The New Girl, a tour of the first grade which is in a different school than the kindergarten (kinder has 400 kids, first thru fourth has 1500 or so kids YIKES my baby might get lost or run over), a school field day that I skipped for a reason I can't currently recall but which disappointed The Daughter, a birthday party where my mom took The Daughter and then proceeded to not skate with her much to my annoyance, a birthday party where I took all three kids and was the only non-family there (yes, I parked on the lawn) and wherein The New Girl ran face first into a brick wall and blacked her eye, a week of sadness and rain, a rained out camping trip, one very awkward afternoon and night of camping wherein some individuals encouraged inappropriate interactions between relatives (Eww doesn't even begin to describe it), soccer sign ups, summer mini day camp sign ups, multiple dental cleanings (The New Girl has 4 cavities), a graduation ceremony, two court dates and an ISP meeting in a pear tree.

My How Things Have Changed

Used to The Land of Sand meant camel spiders, sand fleas, and basic tents. If you were lucky, you got a mud hut and a MRE but you still had to burn your own excrement. It was referenced as The Litter Box, as in cat shit. Nowadays its trailer parks surrounded by free (only in some areas) WiFi, swimming pools, gyms, music and dancing, occasional alcohol, movie theaters, beauty parlors, rec centers, and multiple food options from salad to gyros to chicken wings to burger king & pizza hut to just about any kind of dessert imaginable. Sounds like a vacation, complete with pool side eye candy. Seriously, don't send care packages with snacks, send condoms instead (never mind, they sell condoms in the Px). I could handle a vacation! Except for the fact I couldn't take my kids and I would really miss them. A lot.

Life in the bible belt

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

I had to memorize that poem in the 6th grade, the same year I learned to diagram sentences, I still love both.

Currently I have a heavy weight on my shoulders. I am having to make some hard decisions. The kind that changes peoples lives forever. The kind you can't undo. I would prefer to not have to choose nor have to weigh which I love the most, but that is my reality at this time and I am seeking guidance and direction and strength.

Being agnostic doesn't mean that I worship the devil. It means that I neither believe nor disbelieve. People assume that because I'm not religious, or more specifically that I'm not a church-going bible-quoting Praise Cheeses! kind of person that I don't have faith, but I do. I believe in the greater good. I believe in nature and science and the ability to think for oneself. I believe in perseverance, hard work, and determination. I also believe that life isn't fair, that some people are inherently evil, that even good people sometimes do bad things.

So I recently shared my trials and tribulations with someone and she let me know that I had been on her mind lately, that she felt God brought my daughter into her life so that she could "save" us from an eternal life of hell and damnation. She said no matter how good I am, how good of a life I live, no matter how much good I put forth into the world, that I will still go to Hell if I don't accept Jesus Christ as my Savior. I must be taken to a local creek and dumped into nasty ass water to be reborn. Then she proceeded to spend several hours witnessing to me. There was the time that so and so got hurt and lived to tell about it. God had saved him. It had nothing to do with the medical crew that responded quickly. Or the time so and so had a life threatening medical emergency. God had chosen to save him, not the doctors doing CPR and stuff. Meanwhile, our lives are predestined meaning it is all laid out for us by God and we can't control it. He knows who will get raped, which innocent child will die from cancer, who will be abused as a child, how many will come into foster care this month ... because he planned it all. He did it himself! It is predestined.

And God is a He. Otherwise the Bible wouldn't be filled with such patriarchy affirming bullshit*.

There have been a few times when I have felt that there might be something out there that is greater than us all. I do not believe in calling this thing a human-like diety. I believe in evolution, swamp water, and gases but I also think something created the water and gas ... yet if some diety created the swamp water and gas, who created the diety? It appears to be never ending. Why can some people accept the fact that God is the creator of all things, that He always exist, yet He wasn't created himself by anyone or anything? I know, it's called BLIND faith. But anyway.

This person, whom I like, has gone against my wishes and taught my child about her version of religion. Not as a possible option, but as the only option. As in all other religious text are wrong and all other belief systems are wrong. Buddah's too fat to be a God anyway, pshaw. In my opinion, this is called intolerance. This is why I have such a hard time with local religious people. It seems hypocritical to preach their way or the hellway, no gays allowed, no divorcees allowed, no drinkers, no sinners, no cursing, no sex, etc yet of course there are all those things going on, they are just hidden. We must use every interaction with every individual as an opportunity to convert them into our cult belief system. For ours is the ONLY belief system that will get you into those pearly white gates of Heaven. You know, that nonexistent place with the old dead white guy in the sky. And you have to be God-Fearing which means deathly afraid of this diety, which is supposed to be nice and kind and loving, or else He will send you to the burn unit purgatory with the red skinned horned guy (again everyone is a dude) that all the sports teams seem to like using as a mascot. Where I guess my spirit will spend the rest of existence barbecuing and paying way too much for sweet tea and ice cubes. Supposedly you have to relive all your evilness so that one time when I was 13 and I stole that bottle of cologne for a boyfriend's Christmas present, my spirit will be all scared and anxious and guilt-ridden FOREVER, all because of that one time in band camp ... um I mean that one time at Kmart.

I feel at peace when I am sitting in the warmth of the sun, with my hands in the dirt, smelling the earth, hearing nature. That is my God.

When I "pray" I don't get down on my knees and clasp my hands and say stuffy sayings that have been socialized over years and years pounded into our heads, instead I send my thankfulness out into the world or I ask the spirits or the world's energy or whatever you want to call it, I ask it for things like peace, strength, guidance, and safety for loved ones.

And so this person who knows what I am currently going through chose to proselytize instead of helping me to figure out what to do how to make sense of the answer I felt I received when I prayed.

Maybe our answers are given by something inside of us, perhaps our conscience or unconscious, and have nothing to do with a diety or a spirit at all. What's to say that if we listen to and follow our inner voice that it will always lead us in the right direction? You sometimes just have to trust it, have faith, right? But meanwhile your mind/brain is working out all these options and scenarios and who will be affected by this and who will be affected by that and sometimes it is hard to figure it all out. But clear as day when I asked for guidance I immediately thought "follow your heart". The problem? My heart feels two things and those things could happily reside together but a third party is refusing to allow those two things to reside together and so I have to choose which thing I love the most or which thing I want the most or which thing will do the least amount of damage to the people involved. And it's hard emotionally, especially when I feel that I can't share the details with people, and those people might be able to share some insight although I guess that would mean I wasn't listening to my own inner voice but to that of others, which may actually help anyway, a fresh perspective if you will. Or maybe not.

So I'm sending this out there to the cosmic void of the internets like an idiot with the hope that all will work itself out in the end, that this person who I shall not name will have a change of heart, that we will all have peace and be together, but if not, that we will all receive the needed strength to get through it anyway. Amen. I don't really say amen actually, but whatever, it sounded good.

*Why, yes, this is alienate your readers day. Didn't you know?

Repeat after me, Social Workers are NOT your friends

Who is it that warns on their blog to not treat your foster kids social workers as friends? Whoever it is, should kick my rear for not listening to her. I mean kick it hard.

I had no intention of becoming friends with any of the foster kids workers. I only wanted to develop good working relationships with them so that we would be allowed to continue fostering and hopefully actually get calls, but I did not intend to befriend them. If you'll recall we went an entire year without a placement ... we are not exactly the favorite family down at CPS. Maybe their favorite agnostic family, since we're the only ones? But over a year of someone coming into your home for several hours once per month and telling you everything about themselves from their childhood to their past relationships to every detail of all their cases, even their sex life with their spouse, and you kind of start to feel a little more relaxed with the person. You start to feel that if they share something, you are supposed to share something, afterall isn't that how friendships begin? And before you know it, you are talking as freely and openly as if you are BFF.

God I am an idiot.

My first clue should have been when she called me on my cell, only an hour after leaving here, to let me know that she would no longer be doing a particular part of the case, that it was going to be staffed to someone else. My second clue should have been when she stopped texting me. She is a texting fiend. The last I received from her was on May 10th when she text'd "Happy Mother's Day". The third clue should have been when I got the kid's pictures taken recently and emailed them to her, she didn't reply but she did forward the email to someone who replied. And lastly, I finally got a clue when she emailed asking for a date to do next month's homevisit and it was copied to like a gazillion other people. Perhaps it was for proof or backup or reinforcements or just to activate my paranoid tendencies, if so it worked.

*update: I asked her what was up, 'cause I'm confrontational like that, and turns out the email was just to other foster parents and nothing to worry about, and it is best she not be involved in the rest of the case because of what I told her put her in a bad position. I understand, but still it could have ALL been avoided if I had of just kept my damn mouth shut. If I had remained professional, never letting my guard down, this wouldn't have happened. Or rather, it would have been delayed roughly 6 months but it still would have happened, only it wouldn't have felt like my fault then. So there, more guilt.

Online Training for Foster Parents

Here are some links for online training for foster parent resource hours. Make sure you check with your agency to insure that these credits will be accepted.

Water Safety

Foster Club Online Training

Scenes from around the house this week

I kept The Daughter out of school one day so she could say goodbye to her daddy. He didn't spend as much time with her as I had hoped. I guess that's what happens when one procrastinates on work stuff and prioritizes with family near the bottom. After almost 9 years one would think I would expect this, but still I always hope for better.



In order to fill up the hours after his departure, I scheduled a hair cutting appointment for all three kids. The Daughter, BabyBoy, and I went out for lunch first, then to do some retail therapy and then to pick up The New Girl for a much needed visit to the salon. All three got their hair trimmed then we stopped by for icies before heading home. We were home by 2:45 which would normally be the time The Daughter would be getting in the van at her school pick up line. The whole afternoon lay ahead of us with nothing to do but miss him, which was just the thing I was trying to avoid.

10 Honest Facts About Me

Cheryl tagged me for this game thingy so I'm playing along.

1.I went to a school that had Kindergarten thru 9th grade so we were kinda like seniors when we were really just freshman. We had a big graduation and everything. It was the end of school for many people, they never completed high school. Those of us who were bused to another city for high school ended up struggling to catch up. Going from a school with less than 500 people K-9th to a school with 500 people in just one class was overwhelming.

2. I was a cheerleader for 7th through 9th grade but didn't try out at the new school. I took cheering very seriously, practiced daily, and was head cheerleader my last two years. I've got spirit, yes I do, I've got spirit, how 'bout you?

3. I graduated high school without ever learning my multiplication tables or how to read a pronunciation key, but I was in the Advanced Placement program and graduated with honors and near the top of my class.

4. I was also a fan of high school clubs ... Spanish, Science, Key, FBLA, FHA, etc and had some stuff published in a literary journal. I thought participating in all of that stuff, being an elected officer of some sort in all of them of course, would help me get into college. I wanted to go to a state college. I had never even heard of Harvard or Yale. I'm not kidding.

5. One year I went to The National Leadership Forum several states away and stayed in college dorms for a week. I was so homesick that I decided maybe college wasn't for me. Which was funny because I could not wait to get away from my parents and sister, yet I was scared and lonely without that support base. I didn't even apply to any colleges. My parents told me they couldn't afford it anyway, so I thought that meant I couldn't go.

6. I got a small scholarship to a local community college thanks to the Home Ec teacher nominating me. I was her teacher's assistant for several years and took all my teen angst out on her. I never apologized for that or told her thanks for all she did. She teaches middle school now and I wonder if it wasn't because we teens scared her away. I fully intend to look her up and write her a letter of thanks but I keep putting it off until I can write to her that I have succeeded in life and I still feel that I haven't. But if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have gone to college at all.

7. After the scholarship ran out I only went to college for a couple of semesters before having to quit. I had bought a house and was working two jobs and it was all just too much. I went off and on to the same college over the years as I could afford a class or two. I finally graduated from that community college when I was 30 years old. The very next year I graduated from a 4 year institution, all paid for out of pocket.

8. I can pick things up with my toes.

9. I didn't stop biting my finger nails until well into adulthood. As a kid I used to also bite my toenails. Yes, gross.

10. A coworker gave me a cat once and I named her Demetria. She was too wild to stay indoors and would get pregnant right after giving birth so I was never able to get her spayed. One of the litters of kittens managed to survive and I named them Cosmo, Blanco, Karma, Kismet, and I forget the rest. The neighbors dog ate some of them so I don't recall their names. Blanco got killed by the dog right in front of my eyes. Cosmo had one blue eye and one green eye and was mostly white except for a small patch of gray hair on his forehead. He was my sweet kitty. He kept getting into skirmishes with a male from a previous litter and so he went into the woods one day and didn't come back when I called. A year or two passed and he didn't come home.
When my sister was in a mental hospital and I was dealing with all that stuff and my parents were being unpleasant not to mention unhelpful and my girlfriend and I were having problems and working 12 hour shifts in a cotton mill was exhausting me and I thought that I wasn't going to be able to hang in there much longer, Cosmo appeared on the back deck. He came inside and ate catfood and let me pet him while I cried. Then he meowed to go outside and I never saw him again. That was 10 years ago. But his appearance gave me the strength I needed at the time.

Repurposing Formula Cans for Mother's Day

Today is my Momaw's birthday, or would be if she hadn't of died two summers ago. She used to make beautiful flower bouquets using the flowers and plants that grow in her yard. My favorite was roses and some kind of variegated cane stuff that she mixed together. I wish I would have asked her about the names of all her plants back before she got dementia/Alzheimers. When I began asking information about family, plants, quilting, gardening, history, etc she was already to the point where either she couldn't remember or she would remember differently each time thereby making it all suspect. Which story was entirely accurate? Which family member was she really meaning to tell a bit about? Is that really the correct name for this rose, or is it the one for that rose? I miss her. She is the one who taught me to be crafty and make new things out of old.

I previously posted about recycling formula cans at Christmas time, and that was apparently noted over at Babies Online. You could also reuse formula cans at other holidays, such as Mother's Day. This one was inspired by my Momaw.

First, take the label off the formula can. Trace around the formula can label onto some wrapping paper, wallpaper, or scrapbook paper and cut it out with scissors.


Then use ModPodge, glue, or tape to affix the new label to the old can.


Add accessories if desired. I used plain blue paper for this project so I added some cute little flower stickers but you could also add ribbon, fabric, buttons, jewels, or just about any kind of doodad that you can glue or tape onto a surface.


Fill with a potted plant or fresh cut flowers. I picked the same flowers from Momaw's yard that she used, but her floral arrangements were much more lovely. Happy Mother's Day.

sibling birthday party etiquette

I'm not so good at the whole etiquette thing. I never know what fork to eat with at fancy restaurants, that's why we eat at Steak N Shake (although if they make their meat patties any thinner, I'll have to quit going 'cause I ain't paying that much money for bread & air damnit). I order my wine by asking for the sweetest thing they've got, which unfortunately the fast food places don't serve. So I bring my own. Kidding, I don't even really drink. Much. Okay, a drink or two per year is all. I swear! I openly discuss sex, money and politics which seem to mark me as a leper (no offense to leper colonies) because apparently it's only okay to quietly gossip about those things. My point? Oh, yeah ... I had a point.

The Daughter recently got invited to two different birthday parties. One is for a Tball teammate whom we aren't even sure which kid she is but we know her name and what her mom looks like. That party is at a skating rink and typically those parties are limited in the number of people allowed. Meaning I probably can't take The New Girl and BabyBoy along with The Daughter because that might exceed the prepaid number of party guest's that the mom expected. But I can't skate (back in my day we went there to look cool, hold hands and kiss - NOT skate) so if I go without other kids to tend after, what excuse do I have for not skating with The Daughter? What is the proper etiquette in that situation? Do I call the mom and ask if I can bring siblings? Do I hire a sitter to watch the siblings? Do I ask another Tball parent to skate with my kid since I don't know how? Are parents even allowed to kid's birthday parties anymore? Is it rude to call the mom and RSVP for both me and The Daughter or The Daughter + 3? I mean it is free cake & ice cream, come on!

The other party is for one of The Daughter's classmates and the classmate's brother. Again, can I take siblings or is that considered rude? This party is at their house but since it is for both kids I am assuming there will be two classes of kids who show up and the place could quickly get too full. I won't leave my kid at a stranger's house so I am definitely going if she goes. But do we buy gifts for both the kid we know and the kid we don't? If so, do we buy them both the same exact gift so they don't fight? The classmate likes PowerRangers but am I obligated to buy those hideous things or can I get, say, an educational book or something fun like finger paints and playdoh? Is it rude to give gifts that you know the parent won't like the kid having? Can I park on the lawn when all the slots on the driveway are taken? Can I eat more than one piece of cake?

If the siblings can't go, how do you explain to them that they can't have fun playing with balloons, swimming, skating, and getting hyped up on sugar eating cake and ice cream? Help!

The New Girl's court date is ever changing

The New Girl's worker sent me an email saying court would be the 14th. She didn't show up for the homevisit on Tuesday the 5th but sent word that the court date was moved to Wednesday as in the very next day. A while later I received word, again from BabyBoy's worker, that the court date was not Wednesday but was Thursday as in TODAY. So today I received an email from The New Girl's worker saying the court date is in fact not until the 28th. The reason being given is that the Paternal Grandma's lawyer did not file the proper paperwork. Something smells fishy. This is one of the excuses used in BabyBoy's case that made me feel uneasy. I wish I knew more about why they ruled the Paternal G'ma as unfit.

Meanwhile visits with the Maternal Grandma are about to start which I think is a good thing. They are going to schedule her for drug tests before visits, so that's good as well. We are also going to have an ISP meeting this month so I might finally get more info.

The New Girl is no longer crying for her mom at night. She has talked about missing her dad who is in prison. This may be related to The Daughter talking about her dad as he is back in town for a few days but will soon be leaving forever for six months without any visits. Both girls are going through so much at such a young age, but at least they have one another to play with. For now.

The snarky comments I made about house hold chores and such were in relation to comments SomeOneWhoShallRemainNamelessForNow made. I can leave the house at 7:30am, taking three kids to three separate locations (feeding them and dressing them before hand of course), and then spend the day volunteering or working or going to appointments or meetings or whatever, pick said three kids up at said locations, go pick up some groceries for dinner, come home finally and cook while also helping with homework before rushing off to gymnastics or tball or whatever, and yet as a "stay at home" mom, I should be able to accomplish all tasks every day. I should have a Martha Stewart & FlyLady approved house. When I am not home all day, I am still expected to have all things completed. Some days I fail. I am human.

I figure most people have caught on to what is going on by now, but I chickened out of writing a blog post about it all when I realized LK is going to use everything I write to harass me and put me down. Hello to all the people who are here to tell me to clean up this pig sty. *waves my middle finger* BabyBoy routinely eats off the floor and he has yet to die. It's easier to pick out everyone's clothes for the day when they are in folded stacks on the kitchen table. And that moldy thing in the back of the fridge is my daughter's science experiment ... for whenever she takes science. Besides, we're too busy playing in the knee high snake infested grass or swimming in the creepy milky green algae-laden water of the pool to notice all the flaws inside the house.

Homevisit No Show

I once had a worker to forget about a homevisit but as soon as she noticed it on her calendar, she called to reschedule. This is the first time I've had someone to just not show up.

I kept The New Girl home from daycare so that her worker could come out and visit with her. They have yet to meet so it was to be both an introduction and a homevisit. She didn't call, or email, or show up. She did call in sick to her supervisor and the supervisor then called BabyBoy's worker and left her a message on her phone that was then replayed for me letting me know that The New Girl's worker couldn't make it out. Oh, and that the court date set for next week was moved up to this week, as in today. But then later I was told it wasn't today but tomorrow. I never received a letter in the mail about the court date, nor did I receive a phone call from The New Girl's worker in regards to the court date. I was trying to be optimistic about this worker.

Meanwhile The New Girl had a rough day. She threw an entire roll of toilet paper in the trash, still on the roll, never used. When I asked why she did that, she just started crying and saying she wanted her mama. She wasted used an entire box of wipes and then flushed them when I have repeatedly said to put them in the trash so it won't clog the septic tank. Then she threw the plastic box in the trash which I keep in order to refill with more wipes. She threw rocks, pitched fits, went in and out a gazillion times, ate 2 bowls of cereal, a plate of mac & cheese, several popsicles, some bubble gum that I didn't authorize, and consumed multiple snacks and caprisuns (even though the caprisuns are specifically for The Daughter's school snack and I buy juice, gatorade, koolaid, etc for here at home) all between 8am and 2pm. At two when we left to go pick up The Daughter from school, The New Girl was crying and saying she was hungry. They ate a snack as soon as we got home, then another, then dinner, then another snack. I don't know if it was the stress of her schedule being disrupted or nervousness of meeting a new worker or what, but coupled with the day I was having myself, it was a trying day.

BabyBoy's worker who is always running late, arrived 30 minutes early. She stayed two hours and did her job properly.

Yesterday was an emotionally rough day which I will write more about tomorrow if I can muster the strength. Now I have to go volunteer at The Daughter's school which will give me a legitimate reason for not folding and putting away the clothes, changing the month on the calendar above the computer (the one in my purse, the kids calendar, and the one in the kitchen are all changed but I get critiqued for the one still not changed), not doing the dishes from last night or the laundry from yesterday, not calling roofers yet again, not wiping all the spills off the ketchup and medication bottles in the fridge, working at being a more attractive, better fit, non-kid-loving, more docile shell of a human being, and all the other things I apparently fail at completing each day.

Monthly SitReps for Children in Foster Care

Roz asked me to talk more about the email updates I send to foster kid's social workers. Since I'm looking for ways to procrastinate in order to avoid calling a gazillion people on the phone, I figured what the heck, I'll elaborate my emails.

Typically the worker comes out within the first week of the month, so not much has happened at that point. Since we don't have a lot to discuss, it is mostly just a time for the worker and the foster kid to get to know one another. They chat or play or cuddle, depending on the child's age and the workers personality. So at the end of the month I send an update to the child's worker. They are not required, but if you want mileage reimbursement you have to file out specific forms for that. Some workers like getting the email updates because they can just copy/paste the info into the child's case file and they don't really have to spend much time with the child. Other workers don't like the SitRep emails because they are annoying or because the worker doesn't like computers and the internet (or me). The updates go something like this, but with actual pictures:

Pic of The New Girl eating a peanut butter sandwich April 15th (placement date)
Pic of The New Girl playing with PlayDoh April 16th
Pic of The New Girl swinging April 17th
Pic of The New Girl's artwork April 18th
Pic of The New Girl playing with toys April 19th
Pic of the New Girl with hair in piggy tails April 21st
Copy of BlueSlip from doc visit April 21st
Pic of The New Girl feeding deer in the state park April 22nd
Pic of The New Girl sliding down slide April 22nd
Pic of The New Girl going to daycare April 23rd
Pic of The New Girl at The Daughter's tball game April 23rd
Pic of The New Girl playing in sprinkler wearing new bathing suit April 25th
pic of The New Girl climbing rock wall at rec center playground April 26th
Pics of The New Girl and The Daughter dressed alike April 28th and 29th
Pic of The New Girl feeding deer again in the state park April 29th
Pic of The New Girl at The Daughter's tball game meeting Foster Aunt and Foster Great Grandmother April 30th

The pictures serve several purposes: 1) to document her time in foster care 2) to document her experiences, many that she is having for the first time ever, and 3) to provide actual pictures since none are available for her birth through age three.

Then I write a synopsis of the month's events including doctors appointments, school events, etc. I also include information about any upcoming events or dates that the worker needs to be aware of. I may talk about strengths and weaknesses, services needed, goals, etc for the child as well.

Dear Worker,

The New Girl is quite energetic and prefers to play outside. She eats a lot and has on two separate occasions taken strangers food and attempted to consume it. We can complete dinner and if she sees some other food item, she immediately asks for some of it, as if she is starving. She eats breakfast here at home and again at daycare. She also has snack at daycare right before I pick her up and then eats another snack at home while dinner is cooking. She eats another snack before bed. For the most part The New Girl plays well with others. She and The Daughter have gotten into trouble for tearing up the trampoline padding and also for throwing rocks into the pool. When getting into trouble, The New Girl cries and says she wants her mama. She has asked why she can't be with her mama and doesn't seem to know or understand what all is going on.

I would like to see The New Girl continue going to daycare until we can get her into a better preschool program or headstart. She needs help catching up with peers academically. She can spell her name but can't recognize it by sight. She knows her birthdate but doesn't know her ABCs. She knows that she is 3 years old, but can't count past that. She knows most of her colors, but doesn't know her shapes. She is unfamiliar with finger plays, children's songs and nursery rhymes. She struggles with maintaining attention through even a short picture book. She can draw a circle but nothing else. She still fists crayons and such instead of holding them between her finger and thumb. She knows some common animals such as dog and cat but can't identify a zebra or giraffe. Physically The New Girl appears to be on target. She can run, jump, hop, climb, jump on one leg, walk on a balance beam, swing, slide, pedal a tricycle, throw and kick a ball, and turn a cartwheel.

The New Girl is very independent and can dress & undress herself, brush her own teeth, take care of her own toileting needs, bathe herself, and can vocalize any needs that she isn't able to accomplish alone.

I have attached a copy of The New Girl's blue slip. She is up to date on all of her shots. The Doctor said she looked fine although he mentioned she needed to see a dentist for some plaque buildup. I will call that new pediatric dental center in The City to make her an appointment for a cleaning. She weighs 41 pounds and is 41 inches tall. Blood pressure was in the normal range. They did not test her hearing or eyesight.

The New Girl's daycare has all the updated information and I updated the doctor's office paperwork as well.

I signed The New Girl up for gymnastics starting this summer. If she isn't with us then, then she doesn't have to go, but she likes doing cartwheels and she likes watching The Daughter's gymnastics class, so I signed her up. I also called and made an appointment to get her WIC reinstated. She was terminated for non participation while with whoever had her previously. The appointment is this date and time.

I still need permission to get The New Girl's hair trimmed and copies of her SS card and birth certificate so that I can get her enrolled at HeadStart.

Sincerely,
Just Another Foster Parent


As you can see, there isn't anything special about these emails. For infants the list contains first time smiling, sitting up unassisted, first steps, first foods, etc. For teenagers the list is more about extracurricular activities, grades in school, counseling appointments, boyfriends, employment, chores, rules, independent living skills, etc.

New developments in The New Girl's case

Okay, let's review ... The New Girl is removed from her BioMom due to habitual drug usage, repetitive incarceration, child endangerment, etc. BioMom is given multiple opportunities to regain custody of her children. Over a period of years she is eventually TPRd on all her kids. All four or five kids were placed with relatives. Some were placed with their respective Paternal Grandparent (all have different baby daddies so they were all separated). The New Girl was placed with her Maternal Grandma who also does drugs and places The New Girl in danger by driving into oncoming traffic while medicated with who knows what. She was not placed with her Paternal Grandparent because CPS ruled her as unfit (i don't know the specifics of why). Due to the Maternal Grandparent's dangerous drug induced driving, and the fact that all relatives were unacceptable placements, The New Girl entered foster care.

Two weeks into The New Girl's placement with us, the Maternal Grandma can't be located to obtain simple information such as medicaid number, social security number, birth information, etc. Which further delays getting The New Girl enrolled in HeadStart and other things. The case plan appears to be the Maternal Grandma getting clean via going to color code, and obtaining her own housing separate from BioMom, and then regaining custody of The New Girl.

Two weeks and two days into The New Girl's placement with us, the Paternal Grandma hires a lawyer and files a petition for custody. This same day Maternal Grandma mysteriously resurfaces and says she wants to visit with The New Girl. Just like that, the worker schedules a visit ... Maternal Grandma doesn't have to prove that she is clean for this visit! This is a decision in which I do NOT agree.

First thing next week I graciously get to take The New Girl to visit with her needle toting, pill popping, meth head of a Maternal Grandma. I also get to find a sitter for BabyBoy so that I can supervise the visit and then deal with the heart wrenching aftereffects of a child being pulled away from a loved family member. And then go home and deal with the regressions in behavior. And then hope like hell that nobody follows me home or makes note of my tag number or begins to harass our family. Oh goody, can't wait!

Court date is a week after that. I'm more optimistic about that. The Paternal Grandma obviously cares enough to try and get The New Girl. She has enough money to hire a lawyer so she probably has financial means to care for The New Girl. When I asked if The New Girl knew who she was, she did and mentioned all her clothes and toys that she has at her house. She also said she takes her to see her daddy in prison. So, it sounds promising for The New Girl. Maybe at this month's homevisit we'll find out why this individual was previously found "unfit".

Meanwhile The New Girl enthusiastically exclaimed "I want to stay here forever!" and I would be okay with that too.