Today The Husband needed some help hanging sheet rock (we are building in our back deck to make a playroom for the kids) and we asked Shadow to help hold it while The Husband drilled screws, and Shadow said "Wow, how long have you guys been working on this?" I looked at her blankly then asked what she meant. She hadn't even realized there was a back deck. She has lived here for more than a month. You look out over the back deck while eating at the dinning room table, which we do every meal day after day week after week month after month.
She hurt The Daughter's feelings today. Then Shadow gave BabyBoy a cookie without asking permission first. And later took him into her bedroom and closed the door, when she knows this is against house rules. While getting out of the shower I thought I heard BabyGirl crying so I hurried down the hallway only to find Shadow standing over BabyGirl's bassinet. When Shadow saw me she backed away and then I went to pick BabyGirl up and there was a blanket over her face. I confronted her and she claimed to have been looking for the pacifier. While we were eating lunch she brought me her Twilight books that were from Santa and asked me to write to her from me in the inside cover. I said "They weren't from me." and she replied "Well, Santa isn't here." The Daughter was confused and so I told Shadow to go to her room. I can't explain it, but she does little things that are sneaky and mean.
I started vomiting on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas Day fighting off the phenergen induced sleep. Today I feel better. BabyGirl has had diarrhea for two days. The Husband has yet to get her on our insurance. She's almost two weeks old! I think I'll just take her to the doc on Monday and pay out of pocket. The Daughter seems to have a cold or strep or something again.
And BirthMom called to let me know her head is hurting and the medication isn't working and they ran out of kerosene at 2pm and they are freezing. She didn't ask about the kids. She did hint that she needed a ride to the post office and the doctor and the store. She also said a friend of a friend of a SW said none of her kids should have ever been taken from her and that she should fight it. That her case should have been transferred to whatever county she requested. And she got "some kind of official papers" from CPS saying their previous placement wasn't fit due to abuse and neglect that was founded and she thought that meant us (it was previous adoptive person, not us). It's all a little dance ... hint for what you want, if it is denied then hint at allegations and/or threats, then follow up with complaints and more hinting. I'm sorry but their first kid was picked up 8 years ago. Two years ago when I met them they were saying "When we get back on our feet, we will _______". It's been two years and they are using the same line. At the 72 hour hearing they failed drug tests. It has been 8 years. Get it together already. I am not personally responsible for your upkeep and supporting your habits. Sure, I wanted to be able to help my kid's birth parents but enough is enough. I'm done.
The kids have been playing with all the Christmas presents. Since it's so cold outside, they've been riding bikes up and down the hallway and around the coffee table in the living room. I'm ready for the playroom to be completed.
6 comments:
IMO Shadow needs to go ASAP before something bad happens. That is too weird, standing over the baby like that. The birth parents will milk you for all your worth until you say enough. THose kids are the only thing of value they have. They use them for leverage to get what they want. You are smart to tell them NO. Praying for you. Stay strong (and sane lol)
blessings
Kim Chrisman
I know. On one hand I am determined to not give up on her. She needs stability. Shadow hasn't completed a full school year at any one place in years ... all of high school actually. On the other hand I can't get her worker to DO ANYTHING in regards to testing or medical evals or a new counselor and I am increasingly worried that she is going to physically harm someone in this household. Her behavior is down right creepy. The SW is supposed to come out for a homevisit and ISP next week, so maybe we can figure something out then. Nobody came out in Nov or Dec. It's ridiculous. And scary.
I'm telling ya, Shadow sounds like a bit of a sociopath...scary. I understand your wanting to do the best for her and also the urge to disrupt. Good luck with whichever you choose. Those birth parents sound like a real picnic too. You're very patient and strong.
Shadow does sound very scary! She appears to be a recipe for disaster! Many, many prayers!!
Hey M4$, I was just coming to your site to ask how Shadow had adjusted with the new baby. I was surprised to see that she has been lurking about everyone. I must say I would be a little fearful to have her in my home too. I know you have the deep desire to help her & give her a stable environment, but sometimes things are beyond what we can actually do for someone that needs so much attention. I imagine that it could be years of repairing her life. I just pray you go with your "gut" feeling about her & her issues. I know you want what is best for your family. (Only you & DH know what that is.)
So BabyGirl"little bit" in just precious! I can't believe how quickly things 'turned around in your favor'! What a blessing! She is a Christmas Miracle. I am glad that you are proceeding with caution concerning her Birth Parents. I know it is very hard to not just jump in & 'rescue' her family. Truth is some people don't want to be helped. I have a hard time not going above & beyond helping others, so I know how difficult this can be. Stay Strong & determined. From my experience just over the Christmas Season, I have had to stand firm on not helping 2 people I care for deeply. I did it!! Go me. It was one tough job to say No & keep saying No. Some people are just manipulators. So please be careful with the BP. I am sure after the court hearing that they may drop out of sight. Just set some Good boundaries that you & DH are comfortable with. It doesn't seem like the BP's have the appropriate behavior to be coming around your family more that a few times a year. Please put that Birth Dad in his place very quickly, you shouldn't be required to put up with his Nonsense. I know you have/need to be very careful
prior to the legalities working out--I just want you & your family to have what you deserve & that is safety & happiness. I know you will be forever grateful for the 2 beautiful gifts that have been shared with you. BB & BG will one day thank you for sparing them the hardships that could have been. Take care I know infants, toddlers, & those in need can be draining. Jan C.
Yeah, I'm not sure I've ever actually advocated for this, but if you disrupted Shadow? I don't think anyone here would look down on you. I mean, whoa. Seems like girl needs some institutional help; group home? Are yours half decent like ours? Not that they're all that great (I think a natural family home, whatever that looks like for a person, is best), but here they come with at least one if not more CYW's, psychologists, etc.
And I love that the birth parents live in a trailer. NOTHING AGAINST TRAILERS, just... okay, up here where I'm from, if you say you live in a trailer, you're a redneck. And we don't have too many of those (mostly because it's wayy too cold at night to live in a trailer in the winter). So I find it funny to talk about trailers. :D So please include more trailers, okay? Thanks. !
The birth parents sound really sketchy. I like the idea of kids knowing their birth parents too, but if you're going to adopt them, can it be enough for them to know about their bparents rather than actually know them IRL? Is it a positive influence? (I realize what you write about is not the whole picture). Ultimately you know best etc etc, but I don't like you being taken advantage of. ;)
-Roz
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