The Birth

Not wanting to show up to the hospital empty handed, I stopped by Target to pick up a few things. After seemingly forever, I decided on a pack of onsies, a pack of socks, a pack of hairbows, two disposable cameras, and some chocolate for BirthMom. It was a good thing too because they hadn't brought any clothes for the baby. They hadn't even thought about what she might wear going home. When BabyBoy and I arrived, BirthMom had been in labor for 7 hours which was atypical for her, and it seemed we were in for a long wait. I had to start calling to arrange afterschool care of the other kids since The Husband's work schedule lately is 12 hour shifts 7 days a week. Meanwhile BabyBoy ran right to BirthDad like he had been with him every day.

There was a level of awkwardness in the room that I can't sufficiently explain.

BirthMom was in pain because her epidural was wearing off. BirthDad was taking BabyBoy out of the room and out of my sight, without asking my permission. Adoptive Mom and her adult daughter were sizing me up. I was trying not to reveal what I knew, but not lie if asked specific questions. And the hours slowly crept by. With every contraction BirthMom had, the baby's heart beat dropped significantly. Sometimes below 60 bpm. It was enough to make nurses run in and check the tape. This went on for hours. Finally they helped clear the way for the baby and as she was crowning the doctor walked in to catch her. The nurses really do all the work. It was amazing to witness a birth but it was odd to be staring at another woman's VaJayJay while being embraced by the adoptive mom and chasing down BabyBoy. At one point BB walked right up to BirthMom's lady town area arranged in stirrups and just stared. I had to get close in order to get him. Let's just say we all bonded that day.

When the baby came out she was blue and silent. The Birth Parents didn't seem the least bit concerned. Everyone was snapping photographs and saying congratulations while I was huddled next to the nurse with the baby going "breathe, breathe, breathe come on BREATHE". Nurse 1 called to Nurse 2 to try and find a heart beat. They were professional but obviously concerned. Then they started CPR. The doctor asked if he needed to call NICU (he was delivering the afterbirth). I kept thinking too much time was passing without her breathing. During the months leading up to this moment I had envisioned several different scenarios of how this whole thing might go down, but never did I imagine the baby might die.

Finally, she turned pink and Nurse 2 left Nurse 1 to clean up and take care of eye drops and such. I felt a sense of relief and then anger. I became furious at BirthMom for not seeking medical care throughout her pregnancy. For not eating properly. For smoking cigarettes the whole time. For drinking "just a little vodka" in her orange juice "on occasion". For taking pain pills. For inducing three whole weeks before her due date just because she didn't want to tear. For having 6 babies knowing she can't take care of any of them. For refusing birth control after having this one, saying naively that they might get to keep the next one. And so I took BabyBoy and we went home.