The Aftermath

Let's just say bringing BabyGirl home didn't exactly get the welcoming that I thought it would. My dad said "You're fucking up." My Mom said "We are worried you are biting off more than you can chew." The Husband said "You were already stressed and now this." And everyone else seems to expect me to keep on going full steam as if I'm not taking care of a newborn.

The Birth Parents call on average 4 times per day. They want minute by minute updates, mostly on BabyGirl not so much on BabyBoy. They hint for money (i've given $$$ twice and transported them 4 times and bought groceries once). They talk about me adopting them as adults. They tell me that their friends think I'm hot. The Birth Dad goes on to say he thinks I'm hot. He calls me his BabyMama. Says next time he'll just skip Birth Mom and come to me. He has started kissing me on the cheek when we depart. When I attempt to assert some boundaries, they freak out and think something is wrong or that I'm mad.
Birth Mom had some complications and had to go back into the hospital (she was in pain, needed another Rx for more pain meds). They called me saying they didn't have any money, clothes, toiletries, or food and needed me to bring them stuff plus take them home afterwards (and i did). I tried to explain that I have 4 kids and a long ass list of tasks to get accomplished ASAP and I couldn't just drag the kids out into the freezing cold to drive an hour one way to the hospital, entertain the kids during the wait, and then drive the Birth Parents home and back an hour's drive to our home again. Birth Mom was admitted, kept overnight, and I picked them up the next day. Took them to pharmacy, etc. rinse & repeat.
Christmas Eve we went to pick up the Birth Parents and do a visit with them. We went to look at christmas lights. Gave them gifts, then took them back home. All these visits are of our own accord. Not court ordered or anything like that. Don't judge too harshly. I want the kids to have a relationship with their Birth Parents, but I also need some space. I'm just venting.

You know what I was doing when they first called asking me to come to the hospital? I was at my parents house wrapping presents for my mom and addressing her christmas cards. She was too busy getting ready to go deer hunting. And by the way, would I also bring dessert to the christmas eve thing and some other dessert to the christmas day thing. And if we want turkey I should cook and bring that as well. And it didn't matter that I had all 4 kids with me and a ton of places to be ... she needed help and I was expected to be there.

That same day the foster parent association president called to say she wanted to get a last minute newsletter out for the month of December. We don't normally do one this month. The secretary couldn't be bothered, of course. The president was too busy cleaning. The treasurer's computer was messed up. So it came down to me. Only at 10pm I finally got to sit down and type something up. Then I had to hand address 90+ envelopes, buy stamps for them, and drive to the post office (with 4 kids in tow) to mail them off.

I had to pull BabyBoy out of daycare. He only went two days a week while I volunteered, but it cost $110 per week. That was $440 per month which was actually more than the board payment. We paid for diapers, clothes, etc out of pocket plus some of the daycare cost came out of pocket as well. But I can't afford for him to continue going now. I'm not working. No more funds. Budget has to be trimmed for new additions to family.

Meanwhile I haven't taken BabyGirl to the doctor yet because we don't have papers to get her on our insurance (got them on a holiday so insurance and company HR not open). The Daughter is going to have surgery and The Husband is talking about changing jobs to one with NO INSURANCE. She needs to see the dentist really bad (adult teeth coming in, baby teeth not ready to come out). The dental insurance still hasn't paid for my routine cleaning back 6 months ago. Our bank account is bone dry. The house repairs are in a half undone state. The dishwasher door keeps sticking. The microwave door won't open. The refrigerator ice dispenser keeps clogging. The security light won't work. The phone line needs replacing. The driveway is completely washed out. The laundry is backed up. The house is cluttered and disorganized. I've not had a full nights sleep in weeks.

And Shadow is annoying the shit out of me. In one day she told The Daughter about santa not being real on 3 separate occasions. Each time I would tell her to zip it, explain why, ask her if she understood, and then sit on my hands so that I wouldn't strangle her. Seriously she would look confused, blush, smile mischievously, then act like she understood but then she would say something AGAIN. She totally freaked out when The Husband began working night shift. She said it was because she was scared to sleep without him in the house. I think it was because she was upset she couldn't falsely accuse him or us of something. She said that whole thing about all blacks looking alike, again (said Russell from survivor looked like guy from twilight movies). She went on to make fun of gays (i said "I would appreciate it if you could watch what you say. You are offending me. I'm bisexual."). I'll probably go to hell for saying this, or at the very least get Worst Foster Parent of the Year Award, but I think I might slightly dislike her.

If I share even a small snippet of my struggle with anyone, they start the whole "I told you so" line.

A long time ago I was sitting on the couch watching the kids play with The Husband and a girl baby name came to me. It wasn't something we had discussed before. Right then and there I knew we would have a baby girl. I took clomid again. We went at it like rabbits. I didn't get pregnant. Then I got a feeling that maybe we were supposed to adopt this girl with the name that just came to me. When BabyBoy's Birth Parents got pregnant again I thought maybe this was her. The whole time I was sure she was pregnant with a girl. I felt at ease about the whole situation because I felt this baby girl was to join our family. And sure enough Birth Parents had a girl and she joined our family and I could not be happier that she did.

This post is scattered, can you tell? LOL

Not one person IRL has said "Congratulations". Not one person has said "What can I do to help?" Instead they ask if the other kids are jealous. They ask if I can handle all these kids by myself.

BabyBoy is jealous, yes. Mostly because he doesn't want to let go of his bottles. The Daughter is too. She can't stand for me to pay attention to anyone else for even a second. This is normal. It shall pass. We will find a new normal. A new routine. We'll be working efficiently again in the near future. Be happy for us. Celebrate with us.

Adoption petitions are filed on both kids!

In one week we went from having one permanent kid to having three permanent kids. And you know what? I'm not done.