Remember when I blogged about The Cheerleader's SW calling to inform me of a speeding ticket? The ticket The Cheerleader had successfully hidden from me for weeks. The ticket The Cheerleader had lied about to her counselor/therapist saying it was her best friends. The ticket that the best friend's parents stayed mad for a whole 24 hours about. The ticket that I didn't punish her too bad for because she was already being told she couldn't hang out with her best friend ever again (the BF's parents reneged within 24 hours), the SW was threatening consequences (yet didn't come out for a homevist for two months), the financial fine was estimated to be $225 and besides I didn't want to seem hypocritical since I had gotten pulled over with The Cheerleader in the momvan with me going a similar speed (I got a warning, not a ticket). So I made her do an extra chore or two and then she was off the hook with me. It took her a week to do the chores even though I told her as soon as they were finished, that she was ungrounded.
Fast forward to a week before her court date for the speeding ticket (81 in a 55) and she had to face the reality of not getting to go home to bio family before court. She expected them to pay for the ticket. She also expected them to buy her a wig when she fried her hair, but they didn't do that either, thankfully. Natural consequences work ... if not intervened by enabling family members. Then she had to face the reality that CPS wasn't going to pay her ticket for her either. They were going to try and get ILP funds if she did extra work, but then she quit doing regular chores and quit following ILP rules and so that whole thing was taken away. So once again I gave her the opportunity to complete a list of chores around the house in exchange for her entire ticket being paid so she wouldn't have to attend court, but she refused. She said the chore list was too long and that she wouldn't be able to complete it before going home (first presented this option to her last month when she had plenty of time). She also said the chores were too hard and she was not physically capable of doing them (yet she can do flips, tumble, cheer, etc). That left her with the option of going to court and trying to get out of the ticket somehow.
The Cheerleader was convinced that because she was a student in high school that she would have her entire fine dismissed and she would only have to attend driving school. She also thought that by mentioning the name of the person with whom she used to reside, since he is a cop, it would get her out of trouble. If all else failed, she said she would just pay it all in monthly installments. Where would she get the money for this payment plan? Her biofam of course, you know the ones who dropped her off at CPS or the ones who refused to let her come live with them or the ones who are in jail or the one she is finally going to live with that is so permissive and naive. It looked like she might not learn anything from this at all.
Then, the SW asked for Community Service for The Cheerleader! She has to work *gasp* in order to pay her fines which now include court cost in addition to ticket costs. The part I didn't see coming? Probation for TWO YEARS. She has to report to a parole officer ... just like her momma. They think it's funny. This magnetic-like pull that these kids seem to have towards recreating their bio parents lifestyle? I think it's sad.
I Miss My Very Normal Niece
22 minutes ago
5 comments:
Very well written post, btw. It is odd, isn't it, how kids in the system seem to want to emulate their parents. I know it's deeper than that and more messy, but sometimes you just want to shake them and yell 'YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS!'.
OMG she tires me, just reading about her, she reminds me of my extra kid-Courtney. she already went home. Kristin heard her talking to her mom on the phone while i was putting shawn to bed. she was being so mean and rude to her mom, kris came out and told her to go out on the deck if she was going to talk like that, we dont treat people like that in this house. so she packed her crap and called her dad(ENABLER) to come down from maine to pick her up. of course, now that shes calm, she wants to come back. the real reason she took off was because she landed the job at target and signed on for collge classes on the same day-then panicked. she also doesnt have her own car.im avoiding her right now. i need a break. i am busy with moving kids from one bedroom to another and this damn cook book commitee im on(UGH!) sorry for the rant-how do we do it????
Thanks Roz.
Gosh Ali, I don't see how you do it. I thought C was supposed to be helping you out, not adding to the stress? Maybe now Jackson won't destroy his room as much ... or at least it will be easier to find the stolen stuff in a smaller bedroom. LOL
You sort of skipped over the part about your speeding incident. How come you were going 80 in a 55 mph zone? With kids in your car yet! Was there some kind of dire emergency?
Anonymous,
I only had one kid in the car and it was The Cheerleader. She is 17 and we were on the way to a children's hospital. Remember, she has a medical condition.
I admit that my speeding that day did not set a good example for her and that is why I felt it would be hypocritical for me to punish her too much for the speeding ticket she got. Although she was just driving fast because she could or to be cool or because she wasn't paying attention or whatever, not because she was on the way to receive medical attention from a specialized pediatric doctor.
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