Finally got to talk to my husband on Sunday and he is willing to adopt BabyBoy. Notified CPS of this and they replied that they still need to assess the situation. It chaps my ass that they couldn't wait a few months until he got back home, couldn't even put forth the effort to clarify his other statement of uncertainty, before deciding to make such drastic changes. Now there is no going back. I mentioned the D word and they ate it up ... instability in the marriage blah blah blah. Hell, I was willing to do what the worker told me I would have to do in order to keep my foster/adopt child. Now CPS is saying this assessment is going to take time and I need to be patient. Time ... you know that thing they said they couldn't wait for, they had to act now, couldn't let BabyBoy "linger" in care, had to finalize his adoption in 3 weeks, hurry up like now. Yeah, now they want me to wait. This is going to take time they say. Turns out it may take so long that The Husband will be back from overseas before they make a decision on our assessment. If it's going to take so damn long, why couldn't they have just waited for him in the first place?
Meanwhile, even the worker for The Cheerleader has started copying all her emails for me to her supervisor. Before this, we emailed back and forth, no problem. Now, every email is saved and sent to the supervisor. Every word dissected. Every action or inaction critiqued. Can I drive her 2 hours one way for doctors appointments that I didn't even get to make, two weeks in a row? You bet. So what if it interferes with job hunting. So what if I have to get my parents, yet again, to watch the other kids. Can I have a homevisit next week even though we just had one on Friday? Of course, come on out, and just like last time, make sure you ask a gazillion questions about the other kids in the home. Can we be down at CPS for another type of meeting for The Cheerleader? Sure! We will both miss appointments, but who cares if she misses cheer practice and I miss an important thing regarding BabyBoy. Three other doctors appointments for her too? Oh goody, I'm there! And court but you don't know what it is for? Be there with bells on! Because if I were to complain, even just a little bit, they would say that I can't handle parenting the kids by myself. They would say that I could handle it when The Husband was here, but now that he is not, I can't handle it. Which is bullshit. I handled it just fine and he has been in and out since last year. Also, this is the first time I've had a kid with this level of medical issues. Which of course aren't enough to get a higher board payment. Nope, my $14.00 a day covers all the gas and time and scheduling conflicts and childcare plus it leaves so much left over that I'm making millions off this kidnapped kid whose relatives returned her to CPS and the rest refuse to take her.
Already the rumor mill has circulated this story. I doubt there is a foster parent in this county who hasn't heard about BabyBoy's case.
My guess is that they are stalling while they find a new reason to take him away. Or a new way to word things so that there aren't any loopholes. A way of taking him so the only way I can stop it, is to file an injunction. Bring it bitches. I'm ready.
BTW, I should do a post on things I've learned. First, you can hire a lawyer and have him/her with you in these meetings ... the paper I signed says I can't sue, that's it. But CPS takes away license of any foster parent who even mentions consulting with a lawyer. Second, the adoption workers do in fact get extra money for their department for finalizing a bunch of adoptions. Meaning it actually is financially beneficial for CPS to adopt out these kids. This is why there are foster care workers who handle the cases and then the adoption worker who deals only with the adoption AFTER tpr and such is done ... so that there isn't a conflict of interest. Regardless, there was money in it for the department to hurry up and adopt BabyBoy and now they risk loosing or postponing that money. Third, the foster parent bill of rights is viewed as a joke by CPS. If you dare think you have any rights as a foster parent, they will laugh at you. If you dare think you can stand up for yourself, they will retaliate. Fourth, they will tell you small inaccuracies (like you can't adopt for a year after getting a divorce) in hopes that you aren't smart enough to look up the laws and rules yourself. Fifth, if you have a child whose case is controversial, you will no longer be allowed to leave the state with said child. Even if the vacation to the beach and aquarium was approved months ago. Sixth, lawyers are fucking expensive.
5 comments:
I'm sorry for all the stress it took to get here (and for the stress it will continue to cause) but The Husband stating he's willing is a very positive development. It's hard to fight a united front. Woo hoo! I pray it continues to go your way. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you got a representative, haha, bet that threw them for a loop :)
This is exactly what they do to families when they say reunification is the goal. Anything thats said will be picked apart and analyzed. Even if they said stand on your head, you wouldn't do it right.They actually try overwhelming you until you break, therefor it's your fault it didn't work and not theirs.I'm sorry your dealing with it.Keep on, keeping on girl!
BTW, thank you for looking into the Adoption bonus...most people seem to think families destroyed by CPS made it up to make themselves feel better...but it's true.As for the conflict of interest, find your states list of DSHS employees, and see how many of them are married or related.The conflict of interest will really disgust you.It's a 3 ring circus in there.
I'm so impressed that you're bearing up and doing extra in the face of all this nonsense. It speaks well to what a good mom you are to these kids! I don't know what else to say except that all you've learned makes sense. So sad!
In our state there is no "law" pertaining to waiting one year after a divorce to finalize an adoption. Yet, there is an agency "policy" that says that there shall be no adoptive placements within one year of a major life event. The policy is fluid. And if they are backed up with kids or you meet ICWA and no one else does (like us), well then they waive that policy, cause it is bullshit. In theory, it is a good idea. But you don't give away your kids when you get a divorce. That is idiocy. They, my dear, are acting like stark raving idiots.
And I can't afford a lawyer either. Not very many people can. Does your kid have a CASA rep?
Be careful with the getting the job thing because they will hold that against you, too. What you are in, my dear, is a conundrum.
Cheryl,
CPS doesn't think we are a united front because my grandmother sent out a prayer request to her church saying "Urgent prayer request from OverBearing Grandmother for her oldest grand daughter,
MyFuckingRealFirstANDLastName and her husband RealName regarding a child they brought home as
a newborn and have had in their home for over a year and believing they were going to get to adopt him, but have been informed just this week that he is going to be moved from this home. This marriage is struggling and needs
restoration, plus my precious grand daughter's heart is broken not only over the marital difficulties, but loosing this child whom she loves as her very
own. She has been a stay-at-home mom for her own five year old, plus this one year old. She now desperately needs a job, will do any type work, learns
quickly and is a hard worker. She does not want to give this child up. Remember, I have been asking special prayers for all three of my grandchildren--for different situations in each of their lives. MyRealFirstNameAGAIN definitely needs Jesus Christ in her life and IS NOW ASKING FOR PRAYER! THANK YOU JESUS! Please, prayer warriors, pray for these needs--SALVATION AND RESTORATION!"
So my own grandmother has given CPS written documentation showing proof of marital instability, regardless of our united front. Regardless of the fact that we are on the same page with the adoption. Regardless of the fact that all my husband said was that he was uncertain and needed to talk to me about it all. CPS doesn't believe that we are stable enough in our marriage, thanks to my super religious grandmother, and so now they have 100% right to take BabyBoy and place him in a more stable home. You know, one with grandmothers that don't put everyone's personal business out there in the community. My daughter's old preschool teacher is on this prayer list, so is one of The Daughters friend's parents (we didn't get invited to her b'day party this year either), and a lawyer who is friends with the GAL in this case, and two social workers for CPS, plus the police chief and mayor's wife. They ALL now know, or think they know, our business along with about 100 other people.
T, we are looking at 20k. Yes, twenty thousand dollars. No CASA for this case.
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