After canceling twice, the new worker finally came out today. I continue to find all interactions with this person awkward and irritating. She said that she asked the old worker to not say anything to me yet, and was aggravated that she did. This worker wanted to blindside me. The old worker cared enough about us to not do that. This worker cares only about making her adoption quota. And there is a quota to meet. They've adopted 30 kids already this year and have to do at least 35 more before October. I am appalled. Who made this law? Why did they make a law stating that each department has to meet a specific adoption quota each year? Did this person or these people not realize the conflict of interest potential? What happened to the reunification goal they promote in GPS classes? How can you focus on reunifying if you have to, by law, put a certian number of kids up for adoption per year? Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'll find out more information as I research and it will make sense. Maybe some scientist somewhere has figured out how to make pigs grow wings and fly.
BabyBoy is 16 months old. He learned to say water this weekend. He would point to the lake and say "WaWa". Thankfully he didn't try to go swimming by himself, but he did like playing in the ashes of the unused fire pit. I would tell him no, and while looking me right in the eye, he would sit down in the old ashes. My parents fed him sausage and eggs and other things that made his poop extra nasty. Of course I was the designated diaper changer. He fell asleep every time we went out on the boat, but refused to nap while at camp. BabyBoy is growing so fast. He is like a chunk of lead now. A chunk of lead with a buddah belly. He is adorable.
This new worker told me that BabyBoy's siblings have ADHD and anger and depression issues. One of his siblings has a history of harming animals. This in addition to the kidney problems that I already knew about. I don't know why they waited so long to tell me this. I suspected issues in BabyBoy because of his defiance, extreme tantrums, and head banging but was hoping that proper parenting from an early age might help lessen the severity of his genetically predisposed issues. Time will tell I guess.
I still overshared at the homevist. I have got to stop doing that. She asked lots of questions and tried to make out like she understood what all went down recently. She made out like she was for us adopting, like she thought we were fine, etc. But yet she would say something else that betrayed her fake niceness. I know you are supposed to be tactful, that it is considered the polite way of communicating with the world, but I hate it. I would much rather people just say what they mean. Be completely honest and upfront and don't word things so that you can technically not be lying but also not be hurting anyone's feelings.
They being CPS had to hurry up and adopt BabyBoy out to someone, like now. They couldn't wait on The Husband to get home. They needed his contact info ASAP. I gave it to them and it's now week 2 and they haven't contacted him. Today the worker said that the email they are writing has to be approved by multiple people, probably including a lawyer, and then The Husband has to call them on the phone in order for the adoption to go forward. And then, then they have decided to just wait until he gets back to do anything else. You know because just a few weeks ago they couldnt' wait. They had to use BabyBoy to meet their 65 kid adoption quota but now they have decided to go after other kids and let BabyBoy's case ride for a few months. So much of this drama had to do with this new worker not caring about BabyBoy and his attachment to our family, but instead caring only about the numbers ... and money.
You have to understand that up until this point we have only fostered. Our kids have either aged out of the system, been emancipated, reunified with family, or been adopted by the person who had their sibling after 5 years of unsuccessfully working for reunification. Every TPR I've witnessed has been justified. Most of the workers we've dealt with have actually cared about the kids. I've been supportive to the workers, the department, the birth families, and the kids. I've documented every cent spent on the kids in order to show where the board payment is allocated. We take the kids all kind of places and try to give them lots of positive experiences. I send monthly reports of pictures and such to the workers and the birth family. We've done all this because we knew from the beginning that we weren't their favorite foster parents. We knew we had to go above and beyond to prove ourselves. Yet we defend the system because it is supposed to protect the children. This makes the 3rd worker that I've been less than pleased with. This is the first worker that makes me feel dirty. The first time I've felt the local system is horribly flawed. Where do you go from here?
Do You Remember??
3 hours ago
3 comments:
The adoption "quota" happens where I live, too. It makes me SICK. That is one of the reasons why I started researching and talking to people higher up in the system to begin with. They pushed, pushed these little cute kids TPR's and adoptions along speedy quick and then left the older kids to languish. Disgusting isn't it?
I just wanted to make a comment about what you said about adoption quotas. Thank you for saying that and talking about reunification with biological parents should be the ultimate goal. You are the first foster care giver that has ever said anything like that. It gives me hope that that things might be turning around for the better for both bios and fosters. Good luck though on trying to make sense of it. Pigs WILL grow wings and fly before you'll do that. Nothing CPS does makes sense. They fail children on every level.
It sounds to me like you actually care about the children that you have fostered and you did spend money of them for things other than just necessities. Unfortunately, not all foster care givers are like this. They're in it for the money and for nothing else. I wish there were more like you, especially who realize what CPS is really doing.
Have the parental rights of Baby Boy been terminated? If he's safe in your care and happy, what's the big deal? Is there a chance that he can go back to his natural parents? I am very much a parental rights advocate but I am also not naive enough to believe that all bios are wonderful. I know different. I read all kinds of articles and posts about real and foster parents who beat, rape, torture and even kill the children in their care. It's senseless because most of the time CPS is involved in that family IF it's a bio family and if it's a foster care giver, then CPS is ALWAYS involved.
Reunification should always be the goal as bios often turn their lives around. I also know that it's not always feasible and safe to do so. Only after every avenue for reunifying has been exhausted do I believe in adoption out of the foster care system. I also do not think there should be financial incentives given to CPS to do this. It should be a last resort only but with all the $$$ they stand to make, most reunification plans are a joke. You seem to realize this. You're the first. It really does give me hope.
One bit of advice, foster a bond between the bio and the child even if they can't be in his life. The reason I say this is most likely at some point he will go looking for his natural parents. If you've told them they love and care for him but just can't take care of him, it will boost his self-esteem. No child wants to feel like their real parents didn't love them. If they're bad, he'll determine that all on his own too. However, if they have turned their life around, he will resent you for that. It could ruin your relationship with him as an adult. I hope you will think about this. I know it firsthand because it happened to me.
Yes, it is disgusting. Here there used to be lots of kids lingering in care. It was not unusual for a child to spend their entire life in foster care, never receiving permanency. So I understand them seeing a need for change and actively seeking TPR when a case has gone on for years with no success. I understand the desire to adopt out these kids so that they can have a stable forever home, if the birth families just can't get it together. But why set a number that has to be met? Why give extra money to the department for doing more adoptions than the base number? How in the world does that help the kids? It's obvious the person in charge of making these rules, regulations, and laws have no first hand experience working with the children.
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