This is me "loosing it"

I sometimes forget that I have stalkers, and not followers or loyal readers, but trolls and haters. I censor heavily because of the people that The Husband invited into my safe space, unbeknownst and unwanted to me, but occasionally I say things that are small snippets of only a specific moment in our lives and I don't realize how alarmist dramatic it sounds until my hits triple and I realize I must have said something wrong. 'Cause it's always my fault, right.

Some clarifications ...

I won't talk about some stuff because of OPSEC. That sentence alone pretty much tells it all though, doesn't it. Once again my life revolves around acronyms, shitty insurance (didn't think anything could ever be worse than TriHell, but it can) and a complete lack of being in control of my life, which I loathe.

I am mentally stable. Yes, I know it's sooooo hard for you to believe that. In complete disclosure, I get the blues in the wintertime but don't take medication. I had serious postpartum depression but was too stubborn to seek help at first, then when I asked, I was brushed off and hurt badly (both physically & emotionally) by loved ones and so I decided to suck it up and deal with it myself. I should have followed my gut and I regret not being a better person for my daughter in those early days.

There are things that unless you know me very well, you don't know. I promise you that The Husband isn't who/what you think he is. I understand why certain people may think certain things about me, but you don't know our history, or rather his history. This is MY place, if you support him go to his place, but please leave me the fuck alone. K Thx

I make .59 cents per HOUR "babysitting" foster kids. I have decided that anyone who takes my blog title seriously or thinks I am making money off this gig, can just shove it. The going rate for a babysitter in this area is about $3 per hour. The foster parent association pays the CPS family service workers $10 an hour to babysit during our meetings. I get $14 per day. Daycare workers and school teachers get paid more than that and they only have kids for part of the day and not at all on weekends. I have a college degree in Child Development, another in Social Science, I have training and certifications out the wazoo, and I think .59 cents per hour is too little. There, I said it.

I have several months worth of board payments in my purse right now. I can't cash them or deposit them because they are in The Husband's name and he hasn't been around to sign them. Regardless of how many times I've complained, CPS claims their system defaults to the male head of household and won't put my name on the checks.

I didn't take, steal, or kidnap your kid, period.

The New Girl's grandma is now MIA. I have no idea what this means for this case. What happens now? What do I tell her? Why do people choose drugs over kids?

Foster Daughter #4, the one I wrote about hopefully being on the upswing after a bout of using again, well she was supposed to come visit today but never showed up and didn't call.

This sickness that I've had for weeks and can't seem to shake? Pneumonia. And today I picked up a little stomach bug at the kindergarten. BabyBoy has pink eye. The New Girl has a runny nose. So long as we avoid the swine flu, it's all good.

And that's pretty much the extent of it. I'm in no way, shape, form, or fashion dropping my basket, but thanks for your concern.