Email from a former foster teen

Today I received an email from one of our previous foster teens. Unfortunately she isn't doing so well, but hopefully is on the upswing. I'm talking about Foster Kid #4, the one who was supposed to be so bad (two disrupted placements, in care since age 14, allegations of lying and stealing, past drug and alcohol abuse, noncompliant with prescribed medication, etc), but turned out to be so easy to parent. She only lived with us for two months and then after she turned 18 we helped her petition the court in order to be emancipated from the foster care system. She was an A & B student, could have been straight A's if she would have cared enough to study. She worked and managed her money well. She graduated high school and went on to college. I knew she could accomplish great things, thought she was on her way. But her email said she has been clean for four months which indicates that previously there was a period of not being clean. She is back living near her family but realizes they are toxic and she is considering moving away. I want to offer that she move back here and complete college, but something tells me (yes, my inner voice is talking again, shhh) that it wouldn't be the best thing. Instead I wrote back that I would be happy to help her move and to help her get back into college.

I had just emailed her asking for permission to use her journey through foster care into early adulthood as a success story for the United Way funding the Foster Parent Association receives. We recently had to redo our budget since the UW can't give as much money as they had expected. Each time we complete the paperwork, we're required to attach a fostering success whether reunification or adoption or independent living. All the other officers of the association have written about their successes, plus we needed one from the older age group, so #4 had previously appeared to be a success and I was to write about her.

Last I spoke to her, she was considering majoring in nursing but that was because her husband's family was pressuring her and not because she wanted that field. They were also pressuring her to give them a grandchild, but she wasn't ready. She was in college and working the same job, living in the same apartment, married, and still doing fine. Then her best friend died and she suspected her husband was cheating on her, and things got hard for her so she regressed back to bad behaviors. Her husband got laid off work and instead of getting another job (he is an accountant) he went back to school and she had to quit school in order to work more to support them (Ahrggg!!!) and it all got to be too much so when she thought he was cheating, she left. Being around her bio family just made it all worse. And I had no idea all this was happening because I didn't keep in touch even though we just lived one town apart (mommy guilt). Now we are one state apart and I'm willing to go get her because she needs someone to care.

I still have to write that success story. Her success is that she graduated high school, earned college credits, continues to be gainfully employed and live independently through it all, and keeps in touch however sporadically with a former foster mom (that's me!). Most importantly though is that she was able to realize the downward spiral, stop it, and actively try to change things for the better. She doesn't want to repeat her family's generational patterns. She knows there is a better way to live. I have high hopes for her.