About The New Girl

The New Girl needs an internet name although I suppose saying The New Girl will work until there is a newer girl. I wanted to call her Bella for the Disney princess with blond hair and brown eyes but when I looked it up, turns out her name is Belle. There is another Disney princess with the blond hair brown eyes combo, or at least I think so, called Aurora which I think is the same one as Sleeping Beauty but I'm not for certain. Obviously I don't know my princesses nor do I even like them, so why even go that route? The New Girl doesn't seem to know what she likes so it is hard to give her an internet name based on her likes and dislikes. We could call her Energetic Girl or Girl Who Likes to Play Outside but that's too long.

I kept meaning to come up with an internet name for The Daughter as well, because some day there may be more than one permanent daughter. For The Daughter I thought of Nectarine but she really prefers to eat Watermelons, or DinoLover but then what happens when she is a teen and perhaps not into dinosaurs to the extent she is now, or Goldilocks or ShirleyTemple because of her corkscrew curls but imagine all the Google searches where people would land here instead of where they wanted to be, or Perpetually Sick Girl but isn't that a tad too negative. So for now, The Daughter will remain known as such, and The New Girl will also remain as such.

The New Girl is adjusting better than I had expected. She has yet to cry (out of sadness for bio family) or to say that she misses someone. Only once has she said she wanted Marley* to come get her. For the record I don't know who Marley is really. It appears that he is BioMom's boyfriend although the daycare said he was The New Girl's stepdad. The daycare also said he "didn't look like the kind of person who would do that" meaning sexual abuse and they felt he "just had his hands full" and had "already raised his own kids" and therefore couldn't keep The New Girl. Meaning the daycare is completely clueless. I might know more specifics if this case had been staffed to a worker, but here we sit almost a week later (Wednesday will be a week) with no further info and no worker. I've never had a case take this long to be staffed. Normally they are staffed the Monday following intake, if not sooner.

Here is what I do know.

The New Girl's BioMom has 5 or so children, all with different Baby Daddys. BioMom had years of CPS intervention which ultimately resulted in TPR due to her drug abuse. BioMom is still on drugs. All the children went to relative placements, but this meant they were all split up. Each child went to their respective paternal grandparent except for The New Girl. The New Girl's father is in prison and her paternal grandparents were ruled unfit by CPS, so she went to her maternal grandmother. The New Girl was residing with the maternal grandmother when Maternal Grandmother was pulled over by the police for driving into oncoming traffic. The New Girl was in the car. Maternal Grandmother was on drugs, given a DUI, and charged with drug paraphernalia due to having needles and other such things in the vehicle. The New Girl was in the car. I repeated that sentence so you might see how upsetting it is that the second third adult responsible for protecting The New Girl's life also failed her and put her in serious danger. So that day The New Girl was placed with a Safety Plan. I would like to point out how NONE of these people, from the family members to the safety plan person, had to have finger prints done or background checks or child abuse and neglect clearances or even have their home inspected for even the bare minimum essentials like you know, a bedroom with bed for a child. Here is where the story gets fuzzy.

I was simply told by the intake/investigative worker that brought The New Girl to my home that "the safety plan fell through" because they/he/she "allowed BioMom to sleep in the same bed as The New Girl" and "BioMom is still on drugs". I was not told who the safety plan was. According to the daycare, it was the stepdad. According to The New Girl who is 3 years old, it was her mommy's male friend. I have no idea why CPS would terminate a bioparents rights only to turn around almost immediately use her household as a safety plan for her own child. It just doesn't make sense on any level to me. Now if time had passed and biomom had changed and gotten clean and so on and so forth, I think a reunification would be great. But to expect the BioMom's boyfriend/husband to not allow her into the home while The New Girl was residing there, isn't that ... odd? Did they really think the BioMom's boyfriend/husband was going to be clean while the BioMom was not?

The intake/investigative worker told me that The New Girl was complaining of her BumBum hurting but that she hadn't looked at it and assumed it was from being constipated. The daycare told me that the stepdad took The New Girl into the bathroom and came out saying The New Girl's BumBum which he said she calls her front parts was red from not wiping properly. Remember the daycare didn't suspect sexual abuse because he didn't look like the kind of person they think would do such a thing. Because you know, all sex offenders go around with flashing warning signs on their forehead. What pisses me off is that an INVESTIGATIVE worker didn't INVESTIGATE! And I called the pediatrician that they require me to take The New Girl to and the soonest they could get us in is today, meaning a week has passed and redness may be gone. I'm sure internal abrasions and things would still be present, but a doctor would need to do a vaginal exam to see that ... and OMG I have never had to deal with a 3 year old getting a vaginal exam. Do they make 3 year old sized speculums? Would a normal ole pediatrician know what to look for anyway, or will we have to visit an OBGYN? I have to take all three kids with me today to the appointment as well, so my stomach is turning.

The New Girl also has a burn on her back. From a hot skillet or an iron or something about 3 or so inches long and very hot.

And there was black stuff in her ear. At first I thought she had fleas in her ear, but it turned out to be dried blood.

Thankfully she doesn't appear to have lice, but her hair is a rats nest of a mess and I'm not allowed to get it cut without BioFamily's approval which has to go through a worker and we still don't have a worker, so ....

The New Girl has a healthy appetite, as most foster kids do, and seems to never get enough to eat. She said she puts herself to bed every night. When I asked how she knew it was time to go to sleep she said "When it gets dark outside." I asked where she sleeps and she said "With Marley and Momma or with MommaHolly*". MommaHolly is the internet version of the name of the Maternal Grandmother. The New Girl is very independent. She dresses and undresses herself, buckles her own seatbelt, brushes her own teeth, draws her own bathwater and bathes herself, gets herself up and ready in the morning, and puts herself to bed at night. She is having to learn how to have a parent take care of her. She resisted having a bedtime story read to her at first, but now she tolerates it. She allows me to comb her hair but screams that I'm hurting her. She said she had never had her hair combed or brushed before. It shows.

The New Girl loves her new pajamas. We gave her three pair of footed PJs and then bought her a nightgown from the WalMart voucher ($75 if you wanted to know). She asked if she could take the PJs home when she goes back and I said "Yes, of course, they are yours now." She smiled the biggest smile when I told her all those clothes and shoes in her closet were hers now and she could take all them back home with her. I don't think she has much that is truly hers. She talks about having toys over at Savannah* & Augusta's* house (I think they are cousins) but she doesn't seem to discern what is hers versus what is theirs.

She sits still when she has to, like at an appointment or waiting in line, but if we are home she flits from thing to thing and prefers to go outside and play. When it rained this weekend, she spent a large amount of the day standing at the doorway, face pressed into the glass door looking outside. Sunday was the first time she came up to me seeking physical affection. Normally when I hug her she pulls away and looks at me weird. She has started calling me mom, both because the other kids call me that plus she can't say my name. She speaks as if she has been spoken to in babyspeak, which BTW, people shouldn't even do to babies but that's a whole 'nother soapbox.

The other time we had a placement of younger kids, it was much harder. Their behavior was difficult, dealing with the worker was unpleasant, and the impact on The Daughter was more negative. This placement is hard but in a different way. It is more emotional. I want to protect her with the ferociousness of a Mama Bear. I don't want to see her have to go back to those incompetent poor excuse for parental figures, but I know that it is all she has ever known and she wants to be with her family. This is the first case I've had where the case plan includes reunification with BioGrandma or bio anybody really. Technically BabyBoy's case plan was to find a relative placement, but it was obvious early on that either nobody was going to step forward or none of them were fit. The other cases had as a goal either Adoption or Independent Living. By far the easiest placements, in my opinion, are teenage girls and newborns of either gender.

*all names changed