Wordless Wednesday

Finding Inspiration

I have a bad habit of clicking on BlogRolls while reading one person's blog and like 6 hours later I can't remember how to connect the person I'm currently reading to the blog I originally started on. Recently though I found several blogs that brought me inspiration, mostly from crafty stuff but also photography and food. I like this house, this lodge, the sunflowers, oh how I love sunflowers, a woman after my own heart, with all the black & white, great garden walk pictures, and this one's for you Lynn a whole year full of meals cooked in the crock pot!. Seriously, steak, potatoes, and corn on the cob cooked ALL IN THE SAME CROCKPOT. Who knew?

Success

Key to being 1st in line at Kindergarten pickup: never leave. Bring a book, food, water, and a porta potty to the 7am dropoff and stay all day. Instantly first in line at pick up!

Creating a Lifebook

One of the requirements of a Foster Parent is creating a Life Book with each child in your home. GPS classes offer little guidance in this area, saying basically it's a scrapbook of the child's life, including before s/he came into care. This means you get to play Sherlock Holmes and hunt down information from people and places that may not willingly give information to non biological parents. I'm currently trying to obtain hospital pictures of Baby Boy. I've purchased them, but the company won't ship them to me until CPS faxes them some paperwork, again.

The birth parents were nice enough to give me a copy of his SS card, footprints & handprints, and birth certificate. I also have a couple of pictures of them holding Baby Boy at the first ISP meeting after court. We got him at 2 days old and have had him since, so filling in that part is easy. Trying to construct a birth family tree is tricker. I made up a little form and asked Birth Mom to fill it out, but she didn't understand it so it's not correct. Hopefully the Social Worker will have a more accurate lineage map that we will obtain upon adoption finalization. Of course I'm jumping the gun here since we haven't even TPR'd.

There is a great Life Book for teens called The Real Me: A Teen Life Book for Young Adults in Foster Care or Adoption by Theresa McCoy and Donna Barnes. It is hard to find, but it's an excellent Lifebook.

I've not found a lifebook that I like for the younger kids (though some might like This is Me - Memories to Gather and Keep or My Foster Care Journey: A foster/adoption lifebook). Most baby books are geared towards biological families, open adoption, or overseas adoptions. The book Our Chosen Child: How You Came To Us And The Growing Up Years sounded promising, but upon inspection at a bookstore recently it was disappointing. So we're using a standard 3 ring binder and compiling all the information in there. It's not as aesthetically pleasing, but it's functional none the less.

I've added a birthday scroll and some information from here, here, and here. Some pictures of the hospital, social workers, and pediatrician with APGAR score information will bring it all up to date. Although I wish there was a way to get pictures and contact information for the extended biological family. Sibling info is obtainable because they are also in care.

If you know of a good Life Book or related resources, please share.


These are some books I recommend:

Wordless Wednesday

Achy Breaky Heart

Today was TheDaughter’s first day of walking to her Kindergarten class without me. With. Out. Me. I pulled up, she got out, and with much trepidation she slowly inched toward the school door. I pulled forward (because other parents were honking at me) and watched, waiting for her to enter. She stood there, clinching her fist by her side, moving her arms to remind herself “First go left, then right”. I had to drive away, the dropoff police made me. Did she look back for that one last wave only to see that I had gone? Did she finally make it into the school? Did she get lost once inside? Did someone help her find her classroom? Was she swarmed by the 450 kindergarten kids, most of who are older than she, while trying to navigate the hallways? Did she cry? Because I did.

Tomorrow I’ll be 1st

Sitting here at TheDaughter’s school polluting the environment trying to stay cool in the MomVan. Just me, baby, and six empty seats. Got here at 2:09 – school lets out at 2:30 – I’m 24th in line. Don’t these people have jobs or something? How do they get here so early?

6 Months

Already I can barely remember when we first got BabyBoy. He was 2 days old and 4lbs 11oz. Newborn clothing was too big for him. We had to buy preemie clothes even though he was full term. He was only supposed to be here for a couple of days until he could be transferred to the county with his other bio siblings. Gosh how time flies. He is 6 months now (technically tomorrow). He has been rolling over for a month, but the tooth is new (bottom left front tooth) and so is the fussiness. He is normally a very good, calm, easy going, happy baby. Last month when I took him to the doctor for x-rays (we thought he had a broken finger but it's just a pisiform bone) he weighed 18 lbs. The chubby thighs and chubby cheeks are delicious. Total cuteness. He responds to his name, which means we won't be changing it after adoption. In his walker, he goes all over the house ... in the kitchen, living room, down the hall ... mostly wherever TheDaughter or the cat goes.

BabyBoy's favorite baby foods are: bananas, pears, pumpkin, squash, plum/grape/banana, apricot w/ mixed fruit, and apple/blueberry. Before we know it, he will be eating table food. Just this weekend we bought a booster seat / portable highchair so that he could sit at the table with us during mealtimes. He is babbling too. Mostly he says "MamaMamaMama" but he also says "BabaBabaBaba" and "Buh. Buh. Buh.". TheDaughter thinks he is saying butt. Everyone gets a big kick out of that.

His case worker had all the TPR paperwork done and turned in months ago, but this one lady has to do the actual filing with the court. She is a real PITA and that's all I should say about her. His CW is great though and she comes out once per month to see BabyBoy. She has been helpful and keeps in touch and actually cares about the kids on her caseload. But that one lady that everyone has to send their court paperwork through, she is the reason kids linger in care past when the rules indicate they should.

Soon BabyBoy will be meeting his bio siblings. I'm nervous but also excited. I'm hoping to get more info on the bio sibling's medical history. It may be possible that we can continue contact for years to come, but I don't know if the adoptive family of his bio siblings will be interested in that. Still, this sibling visit will be a great opportunity to take pictures and make connections.

DragonBall Z or GT, the fuck if I know which

Drawing by The Cousin age 13



Apparently The Cousin watches a lot of Dragon Ball - The Saga of Goku - Boxed Set because this is the predominate figure that he draws while hanging out at our house. He has tried to explain the whole DragonBall thing to me, the Z and GT, the hybrids or something like that, and yet I still don't get it. We encourage him to keep drawing though because we hope he goes to college and uses his drawing skills to obtain future employment.

Contagious Kids

Kindergarten is a petri dish of sickness; a breeding ground for germs. Yes, that's right, after only one day at Kindergarten TheDaughter is home sick. Last night she was crying but wasn't fully awake. We brought her to our bed but shortly thereafter I noticed she was burning up. Her temp was 101 so I woke her for some Tylenol. We turned out the lights and she said "Daddy?" He mumbled a "huh?" and TheDaughter said "How did I get in here? I don't remember walking." She wanted to go back to her bed, so I slept on the bottom bunk last night just to keep a check on her. Today she has a runny nose but is also stopped up, with a fever of 100.8 so more Tylenol cold/cough & runny nose. If the fever doesn't break by tomorrow we'll go to the doctor. Thankfully her doc is open 7 days a week. Great way to start the school year.

1st Day of Kindergarten

Today is my baby girls first day of kindergarten. It is also her 5th birthday. Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

This morning before breakfast, we gave her more of her birthday presents. Clothes!



Don't forget all the loot she got at her party this past weekend.




And this afternoon, she will have this awaiting her. She has been asking about these animals ever since we purchased them months ago (seriously, like 3 months of "When can I have that little deer and those elephants, ya know?")



For dessert we'll have Triple Chocolate Hot Fudge Cake with Fudge & Drizzle Topping, compliments of Ms Betty Crocker of course. Easy Peasy and very delicious. I just hope she has a good first day at Kindergarten.

Earning My Money

BabyBoy has been super fussy. He is teething and already has one tooth through the gums. Teething toys, cold wet washcloths, and baby orajel are of no use. I don't remember TheDaughter being like this; she didn't get teeth this early.

I can handle his fussiness. I know why he is fussy and can sympathize. The people in the library, walmart, school, book store, and toy store not so much. They look at me like I'm pinching him or just down right being a bad parent. I feel like the looks are saying "Why can't you keep your baby quite?" and "Why are you allowing your baby to cry while we are trying to surf MySpace on the library computer?!!"

I can't console him. He isn't hungry. He doesn't want to be held. He doesn't want to be put down. He doesn't need to be changed. He doesn't want a toy. He doesn't want me to read to him. He doesn't want me to sing to him (although that one might actually be painful for him). Just about the only thing that he tolerates from me is rubbing my finger against his gums - back & forth, back & forth, really fast - do not stop. If I stop, he screams. My finger hurts.

So I was complaining to my husband and he said "Is it worth $14.00 a day?" We both cracked up laughing. Parents don't get paid, they actually pay out way more money than they ever take in for biological parenting, but how many people would actually accept a job where you got paid only $14.00 for 24 hours of work? That's what, like .58 cents per hour? Minus diapers, wipes, buttcream, lotion, swimdiapers, formula, babyfood, toys, clothes, gas for doctor visits, gas and childcare for court dates, orajel, medications, high chair, walker, stroller, etc. and you are quickly in the hole. You have to love kids and love fostering; it obviously doesn't pay well.

The Players

This reads like a ballgame lineup, but it's the members of our family. The people most likely to be blogged about here at Mothering4Money:

Me - 30something, feminist, infertile, SAHM, degrees in Child Development and Social Science, volunteer, agnostic, southern, liberal, etc.

First Baby - 2nd trimester miscarriage due to Triploidy XXY

The Daughter - born in 2003, lover of music and dinosaurs, protector of the environment and animals, artistic and beautiful, strong yet clumsy, soccer champ

SG - 1st foster kid (arrived at age 17 turned 18 while here, now living independently) very artistically talented, took meds for seizures

AM & TM - sisters, 2nd & 3rd foster kids (arrived at ages 2 & 5 now adopted by the family that has their bio brother though they were moved 2 times after us)

PunkGirl - 4th foster kid (arrived at age 17, now living independently) voracious reader, collector of lawn gnomes

BabyBoy - 5th foster kid (arrived at 2 days old, still residing with us) smiles and laughs a lot, curious, determined and dramatic, adorable
Had pyloric stenosis, is lactose intolerant,

CV & FC - sisters, respite

The New Girl also known as Bella - 6th foster kid, 3 years old at time of placement, the biggest brown eyes you've ever seen, likes to play outside, eats a lot, is afraid of the dark

The Cheerleader - 7th foster kid, turned 17 the day after coming into foster care, likes to cheer, dye her hair, shop, and text boys. Has Fibrous Dysplasia.

Shadow - 8th foster kid, 18 years old but not your typical teenager due to FAE / FASD & lower IQ, loves to doodle, great with color combinations

BabyGirl - 9th foster kid - kinda, present at her birth and privately adopted, full bio sister to BabyBoy, great sleeper, cutest frown face ever! Is developmentally delayed.

Chelsea - 10th foster placement, 14 years old but looks 11, very tiny, plays flute in band, quite, anorexic, a cutter (she cuts herself). Was selectively mute for much of the placement. Also refused to bathe. Was sexually abused by family members.

Layla - 11th foster placement, Chelsea's older sister, also anorexic, autistic. Also sexually abused by family members.

Jenny - 12th foster placement, 15 years old and clingy, looks like Jaime Pressly, enjoys singing and gymnastics

The Cousin - born in '95 likes to draw Dragon Ball Z characters and play video games

Chuck E Cheese

Three and a half hours at Chuck E Cheese and I forgot to take a book to read. I sat and people watched instead. Here's what I wrote on a scrap piece of paper: "Buttcrack dude to my left, adult couple making out (heavy petting!) to my right; Chuck E Cheese - now X rated."

The kids had fun and by kids I mean the 4 year old and the 37 year old. We had a coupon $10 for 100 tokens and they won almost 400 tickets. Not a bad way to spend a Sunday night.

Princess, Pizza, & Pool Party

We had TheDaughter's birthday party yesterday as her actual birth day is also the first day of school this year. She initially wanted a mermaid party then changed to princesses, so we had a mixture with ariel balloons and wrapping paper with tons of puke pink princess paraphernalia & decorations. We ate pizza from Pizza Hut, dark chocolate cupcakes compliments of Betty Crocker, and then swam in the pool despite the cooler temps. She got tons of cheap toxic plastic presents. Her two main wishlist items were a Barbie Mariposa Magic Wings Mariposa Doll and a mermaid doll, a request which my parents fulfilled. We got her some school clothes but she won't be opening them until Thursday. We did let her open one outfit, a pack of socks, some toy fish (correction, a humpback whale and a whale shark), beach towels, sand bucket, pool diving sticks, princess coloring book, and princess magnets. TheDaughter seemed to have a good time and proclaimed "This is my best birthday ever." No pressure for next year.

Disney Princess Fairy Tale Friends 8-Guest Deluxe Party Kit
Disney Princess Cakes - Pretty as a Princess - 1 Do-It-Yourself Edible Cake Art Image
Disney Fairy-Tale Princesses Party Hanging Decorations
18" Disney Princess Birthday Balloon
Disney's The Little Mermaid Roll Wrap 2 1/4 ft. x 2 yards

Date Night

Darwin and I watched Fool's Gold (Full-Screen Edition) the other night for our version of date night (which basically entails watching a movie after the kids go to bed). We’ve recently also watched Michael Clayton (Full Screen Edition), The Brave One (Full-Screen Edition), The Savages, Mad Money, P.S. I Love You, First Snow, and Be Cool (Full Screen Edition). We’ve been dating a lot lately, apparently. Tonight will either be Memoirs of a Geisha or Marie Antoinette unless we make a run to the library before they close and get that stupid Will Ferrell movie Darwin wants to see. With the kids we have recently watched Alvin and the Chipmunks and Arctic Tale.

Homevisit & Annual Review

Baby Boy's worker came out today for a monthly homevisit. These happen so frequently that I don't stress over them anymore. Well, the first one with a new foster kid and/or new worker I still get a little nervous, but mostly they just care that the kid is clean and being taken care of. It's the big home inspection that freaks me out. We've had three so far; one before being approved as foster parents, one semi annual review, and our first annual review which is three months late.

So the annual review lady walks around our house to make sure we don't have any violations like old cars up on blocks, rusted appliances, stacked lumber, etc. She also checks the pool fence and the lock on the gate. Then she looks at each window to check for screens. Finally she enters our 1400 sq foot 4 bedroom 2 bath shack and checks it's cleanliness. Afterwards she goes through a safety checklist:

• smoke detectors at least 4 feet from each bedroom and one in the kitchen area, testing each one of course and quizzing each kid on what the sound means and what their escape plan is
• fire extinguishers in the kitchen and bedrooms and not the wimpy ones either
• pool chemicals in a locked area with the key inaccessible to children
• safety latches on cabinets and drawers
• safety covers on all electrical outlets
• hand rails on all stairs/steps
• guns locked in safety cabinet with ammunition in a separate safety cabinet and the keys in an inaccessible location for children
• baby bed slats no more than 2 finger widths apart
• beds no closer than 3 feet apart
• medications stored in a locked box with the key located in an area inaccessible to children
• cats current rabies vaccination
• children current on medical vaccinations
• parents current TB and medical clearance
• current vehicle and house insurance
• updated application and all other paperwork including financial form, references, past history, copies of marriage license and any previous divorce decrees, discipline policy, etc (because so much has changed from 12 months ago when we initially did this mountain of paperwork and hoop jumping)
  
  
• etc

She goes in every room and looks around with critical eyes, looking for that one violation that would prove us as unfit foster parents. Or at least that's how I feel. She probably is just being nosy and looking around, but to me it feels like a violation of privacy. I don't mind when people snoop through the guest bathroom, but I wouldn't want anyone looking through my sink cabinet in the master bedroom/bathroom. Not that I'm hiding anything in there, but really why do they need to see what brand of personal hygiene products I use? How does that affect my ability to parent? Your regular run of the mill breeder doesn't have to deal with this kind of thing. The birth parents of children in foster care don't have to go through this in order to get their kids back. But, as foster parents, we are held to a higher standard.

And, I guess I'm okay with that.

Until the next semi-annual review 6 months from now and I'm freaking out wondering if the house is clean enough, our income high enough, our references sound enough, our cats vaccinated enough, and our family worthy enough. Then I'll probably complain some more. Gotta give ya something to look forward to.

Movies for the Military

You can send your unwanted DVDs to troops in Iraq. For more information go here

"If you would like to send the disks and players directly to the facility, the address is":

R&R Supervisor
US Military Installation Freedom Rest
APO AE 09316

I Wish

In the pool on 07-31-08

TheDaughter: Mom, can two women get married?
Me: In some places they can, yes.

I wish my reply could have been "Yes, of course, all people are equal and free."