Deciphering the Code

We got our first foster kid May 31st 2007 - before we were done with GPS classes. On June 3rd 2007 I wrote:

True Colors Shinning Through: Breaking the Code

"She's smart" means She knows how to manipulate to get what she wants

"You're open minded" means She has a tongue ring and is sexually active so we hope you don't freak out

"She tells little white lies, occasionally" means She lies like she breathes

"She's had a few other placements, none of the disruptions have been her fault" means You are her 5th placement in less than 2 years

For more than a year now, it seems like we're the only ones willing to say "but what does that really mean?" when a Social Worker is telling us about a potential placement. Then tonight as I was Blog reading, I stumbled upon others who apparently see through the bullshit terminology. I am elated to know that we're not alone.

Check out PFLAG Foster Mom's Translation of Photolistings and Busy Intersection's Interpreting Photolistings.

In all five of our foster kid's cases, we haven't been given case files or photolistings, we've just been given a few details over the phone or in person and then told we have to make a decision, like now. With experience, I now know what is important (for our family) to ask. It is important to ask directly and specifically if the child is now or has ever in the past hurt animals or people or sexually acted towards any children. It's important to ask if the child has any behavioral problems. It's important to ask, although I've had a Social Worker conveniently temporarily forget*, if the child has any medical conditions. It's also important to ask why the kid is in foster care and how long s/he has been there and how many placements they've had, although this is just information to help us better help the child. And I like to know what the child's goal is but I've learned that it doesn't matter what the paper says or what the rules are in regards to the amount of time a child is allowed to remain in foster care without gaining permanency, it doesn't really happen that way.

We don't feel that our family is a good fit for: kids who sexually act out on other kids in the home, kids who kill animals or physically harm humans, kids with RAD or any severe mental or physical issue.

Our family is a good fit though for: teenagers, kids that are pregnant or sexually active, GLBT, and those who have multiple disruptions due to not fitting in the typical local foster family type. Also, babies, I love me some babies. LOL

*It was just asthma, but it was triggered by animals and we have indoor cats, and she came with medication but no inhaler because "she shared inhalers with the bio kid of the former foster parents".