The Sisterhood Grows

They had searched and wondered, looking for a sign. And all along they'd had their trees. You couldn't wear them. You couldn't pass them around. They offered no fashion advantage. But they had roots. They lived.

I recently read 3 Willows: The Sisterhood Grows by Ann Brashares, the same author of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I watched the movie but didn't read the books, so didn't really know what the author's writing style was or is. Whatever. Anyway the story is cutesy and is exactly the thing I loved to read as a teenager (and maybe still do as an adult although I would never actually admit to that Ahem). I'm a big fan of cover art and that is what drew me to this book. Love the artistic interpretation of a willow. It's all upward reaching and optimistic with limbs forming hearts when in reality willows are more sad and creepy and eerily beautiful.

The bark of the willow contains salicylic acid, the source of aspirin, and has relieved fever and suffering for thousands of years. It also gets rid of warts.

The characters go to the same school as the Traveling Pants Sisterhood and first tried passing around a scarf but ended up via school project with baby willow trees. They elected to plant them down a hill and then proceeded to visit and feed, water, and play violin for their saplings. Life goes on and the girls each have their own experiences the summer before freshman year of high school ultimately coming back together as friends and revisiting their now grown willow trees. I admit to crying near the end.

It is said that the sound of wind through willow trees is the whispering of fairies into the poet's ear. It is also said that the willow can uproot itself, stalk travelers, and mutter at them.

When I was very young, I think my sister was just barely a year old if that, I ran into our parents room because the weeping willow tree outside my bedroom window was uprooted and walking towards our home. It was clearly angry and intent on harming me. I remember this vividly and still to this day don't care for any tree that weeps. I was no doubt high as a kite or tripping on something. My parents claim all they gave me was beer, as always, to get me to sleep, but we inhaled pot smoke all the time. Like they wouldn't admit to dropping some acid in my beer bottle or sippy cup as it may be.

It is believed that a willow branch in your house will protect you from evil and sorcery.

My luck is that the branch would haunt me in the middle of the night because it was pissed off that I cut it's arm.

No matter how far back you cut a willow tree, it will never really die.

Kindle DX: Amazon's 9.7" Wireless Reading Device (Latest Generation)

Wordless Wednesday: Fireworks

More wordless here, here, and especially here.

Homevisit #17 for BabyBoy

Another day, another dollar* ... umm, homevist. Yes, we did just have one eight days ago. Why do you ask? A lot can change in 8 days. Really! BabyBoy could have grown a third eye. I could have dropped my basket and ran for the hills. Or something.

This time they came together and arrived early. The power of two coupled with a surprise attack. Twice the fun! The Cheerleader's worker may be changing as they are no longer getting along (more on that later). BabyBoy's worker has decided that she just might like me afterall. Or maybe not, but at least she is now allowing me to take the children out of state. Beach, here we come!

Three weeks and counting and they still haven't contacted The Husband. I still haven't received my copy of the ISP paperwork. I've also not received a call about any other children although reportedly there have been lots of pickups lately. Bella** has been back with her birth family for what, a month, and I still haven't received the placement money*** for her despite repeated assurances from the worker that she sent the info to the foster association treasurer. The foster association treasurer and president have not returned my emails or calls. I am the VP ... or I was ... am I still? Who knows.

This was Homevisit #2 for The Cheerleader. Her worker says the grandma said that The Cheerleader is better off in foster care. The grandma says the worker said that The Cheerleader is better off in foster care. The Cheerleader believes the grandma. The Cheerleader is very, very angry at her worker. The grandma changes her mind from day to day on whether or not she will allow The Cheerleader to come live with her. One day she says yes, that she will clean a room, pay for insurance, etc. The next she says she can't let The Cheerleader come live there because her husband doesn't want her there and he might leave her. The next day she claims she will call CPS and let them know of her interest. The next day she has decided perhaps it's best for The Cheerleader to go live with another family member. They promise her a car and don't deliver. They promise her to call CPS and don't do it. They promise her that they will take care of her, and then don't follow through. She lived with them for a short period before and they would tell The Cheerleader that everything was fine but yet call CPS out and ask them to take her away. The Cheerleader still does not believe her grandparents called CPS. The other grandparents can't get a medical clearance. The uncle wasn't willing to let her come there to live full time, only for a short week or two stay. The cousins that had her for the year prior to her entering care are all up in our business trying to control shit, yet they are the ones who gave up on her and returned her to CPS. Their reason? Because she got drunk at a party after prom and they weren't ready for teenager behavior. They have a bio preteen that I bet they don't return to CPS. So many people in her life, none of them willing to parent. Sad.

The Cheerleader has been texting her worker asking if she can do this or that, without my knowledge, but the worker calls to let me know so that I am in the loop. I am thankful because I've had a teen in the past that triangulated and her worker was a naive participant.

The Cheerleader has only known her friend since Jan of this year, yet she calls her friend's mom, "mom". She talks about how her mom has plans for them to do this, to do that, to go here, to go there, to shop for school clothes, to go to this college, etc. It bothers me more than it should. At first I recognized it as The Cheerleader wanting the money and material objects of her friend, and possibly the normalcy of a stable family, but now I am taking it a little personal****. Her friend's mom isn't willing to do what is necessary to get The Cheerleader to come live with them, yet The Cheerleader wants to be there. She seems to ignore the fact that they aren't willing to care for her. I am caring for her. Damnit.

Just today she started talking about how she wants to be like her mom and drink and marry money and do nothing but shop all the time. This is her aspiration. Nevermind her mom is an addict and steals and her boyfriend/husband is in and out of jail for dealing drugs and she doesn't have custody of any of her children which all have different baby daddys. What is the lure?

It's not personal. I know that. It's. not. personal.

*this is sarcasm
**Bella is NOT her real name, and you would know that if you bothered to read my blog past the title
***$100 given by the foster association, which is NOT funded by CPS or the state
****If you notice, I'm talking about her friend's mom, not The Cheerleaders mom. I'm taking it personally that she calls her friend's mother "mom". The cheerleader's mom is back in rehab. She got fired from the bar for theft. Also, she says she doesn't want The Cheerleader. The Cheerleader's dad is in prison. The cousin's dropped her off at CPS and said they didn't want her. The Uncle only wanted her for a week. The grandparents are her last hope ... and I'm rooting for them ... they just seem to be wishy washy.

Feliz Cumpleanos

The Cheerleader made this for me. She took 4 packs of brownie mix and substituted toothpick umbrellas for candles. Very sweet.

Our weekend was filled with fireworks, camping, boating, swimming, lots of food and presents!

Meet Rachel

My sister went with us to the kid's section the other day. On the way there she began to tell me about a new voice she has started hearing. It started after she broke up with that boy who was living with her and using her. The voice's name is Rachel. When she hears Rachel, she says her arms are longer, her hair a different color, etc. I explained that this is a delusion and as long as she realizes it as such and can control it, knowing at all times who she really is, her real given birth name, that she is okay. But at any time if she begins to think she is Rachel all the time, looses control over the voices, or hears them more frequently, that she needs a med change.

Then at the kid's section she began to wave her arms around yelling "This place sucks!" which drew attention from both the adults and the children at the museum. I tried to get her to calm down and go upstairs to the adult exhibits. She refused at first, wanting to go home NOW, but finally left the kids area and went to the adult area. Increasingly I felt uneasy with my sister's behavior so decided to leave early. The kids were not happy about it, but we went to get my sister and leave, only she wasn't upstairs. I asked people if they saw her. I checked the bathrooms. I checked all the exhibits. I looked outside. I looked in the buildings next door. Finally we had to get the museum security to look for my sister. They found her in the main office upstairs, an employee only place, sitting at someone's desk writing a letter from Me to You. They are other voices she hears that have "true love". I was afraid she wouldn't leave without a scene, but we managed to get home safely. I then turned around and took the kids to the library summer reading program, but what I really wanted to do was curl up in the fetal position and rock myself to sleep.

Fast forward to this weekend when we were all camping. My sister had several occasions where she would start freaking out and saying "I'm RealName and I'm in control." She would play "jokes" on people that weren't really jokes. Once she explained why she did whatever and why it was funny in her head, we were able to see what she was trying to do, but it involved so many of the voices that only she can hear that we didn't initially get it. She mumbled to herself almost constantly. She made inappropriate comments. She is sleeping a lot during the day and not so much at night. She is eating massive quantities of food. For example, at one sitting she ate several containers of ice cream. Half gallon containers. The most alarming behavior to me is her aggression. Not all schizophrenics are aggressive, but my sister is. And she likes to be agrressive with me. When she gets like this, I worry about my kids. They know her as their aunt. An aunt they can trust. But all she has to do is hear a voice that tells her to harm someone, or drown someone, or whatever and she'll do it when in this state.

Once again, she needs a med change. Once again, she doesn't think she does.

Homevisit # 16 for BabyBoy

After canceling twice, the new worker finally came out today. I continue to find all interactions with this person awkward and irritating. She said that she asked the old worker to not say anything to me yet, and was aggravated that she did. This worker wanted to blindside me. The old worker cared enough about us to not do that. This worker cares only about making her adoption quota. And there is a quota to meet. They've adopted 30 kids already this year and have to do at least 35 more before October. I am appalled. Who made this law? Why did they make a law stating that each department has to meet a specific adoption quota each year? Did this person or these people not realize the conflict of interest potential? What happened to the reunification goal they promote in GPS classes? How can you focus on reunifying if you have to, by law, put a certian number of kids up for adoption per year? Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'll find out more information as I research and it will make sense. Maybe some scientist somewhere has figured out how to make pigs grow wings and fly.

BabyBoy is 16 months old. He learned to say water this weekend. He would point to the lake and say "WaWa". Thankfully he didn't try to go swimming by himself, but he did like playing in the ashes of the unused fire pit. I would tell him no, and while looking me right in the eye, he would sit down in the old ashes. My parents fed him sausage and eggs and other things that made his poop extra nasty. Of course I was the designated diaper changer. He fell asleep every time we went out on the boat, but refused to nap while at camp. BabyBoy is growing so fast. He is like a chunk of lead now. A chunk of lead with a buddah belly. He is adorable.

This new worker told me that BabyBoy's siblings have ADHD and anger and depression issues. One of his siblings has a history of harming animals. This in addition to the kidney problems that I already knew about. I don't know why they waited so long to tell me this. I suspected issues in BabyBoy because of his defiance, extreme tantrums, and head banging but was hoping that proper parenting from an early age might help lessen the severity of his genetically predisposed issues. Time will tell I guess.

I still overshared at the homevist. I have got to stop doing that. She asked lots of questions and tried to make out like she understood what all went down recently. She made out like she was for us adopting, like she thought we were fine, etc. But yet she would say something else that betrayed her fake niceness. I know you are supposed to be tactful, that it is considered the polite way of communicating with the world, but I hate it. I would much rather people just say what they mean. Be completely honest and upfront and don't word things so that you can technically not be lying but also not be hurting anyone's feelings.

They being CPS had to hurry up and adopt BabyBoy out to someone, like now. They couldn't wait on The Husband to get home. They needed his contact info ASAP. I gave it to them and it's now week 2 and they haven't contacted him. Today the worker said that the email they are writing has to be approved by multiple people, probably including a lawyer, and then The Husband has to call them on the phone in order for the adoption to go forward. And then, then they have decided to just wait until he gets back to do anything else. You know because just a few weeks ago they couldnt' wait. They had to use BabyBoy to meet their 65 kid adoption quota but now they have decided to go after other kids and let BabyBoy's case ride for a few months. So much of this drama had to do with this new worker not caring about BabyBoy and his attachment to our family, but instead caring only about the numbers ... and money.

You have to understand that up until this point we have only fostered. Our kids have either aged out of the system, been emancipated, reunified with family, or been adopted by the person who had their sibling after 5 years of unsuccessfully working for reunification. Every TPR I've witnessed has been justified. Most of the workers we've dealt with have actually cared about the kids. I've been supportive to the workers, the department, the birth families, and the kids. I've documented every cent spent on the kids in order to show where the board payment is allocated. We take the kids all kind of places and try to give them lots of positive experiences. I send monthly reports of pictures and such to the workers and the birth family. We've done all this because we knew from the beginning that we weren't their favorite foster parents. We knew we had to go above and beyond to prove ourselves. Yet we defend the system because it is supposed to protect the children. This makes the 3rd worker that I've been less than pleased with. This is the first worker that makes me feel dirty. The first time I've felt the local system is horribly flawed. Where do you go from here?

The Joys of Fostering

This is why I love fostering. You get to witness children of all ages experience their first of many different things. With a younger child it may be first foods, first steps, first words and with older children it may be first time following through on a goal, first A in school, or first time traveling out of the state. The Cheerleader recently experienced her first camel ride, her first giraffe feeding, and her first trip to the aquarium. The week-long smile on her face was so wide it made my heart swell with happiness. Adding to the joy of watching kids experience their firsts, is getting to watch The Daughter hold their hands both literally and figuratively through the process. "This is how you hold the giraffe food." Said the 5 year old to the 17 year old, and "Here is where you sit on the camel so you don't fall off." I took pictures until the batteries went dead and then I continued taking snapshots in my mind. BabyBoy and The Daughter rode the carousel 9 times, one was enough to make me queasy. Together they unearthed a Basilosaurus fossil and herded sheep into the corral, working cooperatively as brother and sister.

Another thing I love about parenting all these children is participating in the teachable moments. There were people working in a zoo exhibit and when I said "Look, there's a couple of Homo Sapiens!" The Cheerleader didn't get it so we had an impromptu science lesson. I challenged both The Daughter and The Cheerleader to tell me one fact about each animal. If they didn't know one, I would teach them. The Rhino's horn is made of the same stuff as your hair - keratin. Did you know the Hipoo can run up to 30 miles per hour? It's true. Que the song I like em big, I like em chunky. I like em round, I like em plumpy.

When at the zoo and aquarium, it's also fun to identify animals in movies. What kind of fish is Nemo? Clown fish. Let's see if we can find and name all of the characters from the movie Finding Nemo. Can you find Timon and Pumba from The Lion King? We couldn't pass the lemurs without singing "I like to move it, move it, MOVE IT" from Madagascar. The Red Panda is no longer known as "awe cute" but as the all-knowing warrior "Shifu" in Kung Fu Panda. We went to see a man about a Wallaby over in the Kangaroo Kountry exhibit.

"Then she looked at the wallaby, sprightly and small, Exactly like her only not quite so tall. She widened her eyes, And cried with surprise, A kangaroos life's not so bad after all. Marsupial Sue, No longer so blue: You're happy with who you are."

And sang Rescue Pack, Coming to the Rescue while on our journey to find Spider Monkeys and the Maned Wolf. The only reference that neither kid got was to Smegal from Lord of The Rings which they haven't seen, but perhaps the cotton top tamarin just wasn't a close enough resemblance.

This is why I do this. This is why I foster. For the children.